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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Leighhalfpennysthigh · 21/10/2019 08:57

long awaited DC’s first birthday!!

Some of us never got a long awaited child. Struggling with infertility is shit, but even more shit when you don't get the happy ending, as many of us don't.

It is far better to find a distraction for the pain than to spend your life feeling depressed amd longing for something you will never have. It drove my husband to kill himself. That was more of a "wrong" way to deal with infertility than buying a dog. My therapist used to recommend dogs as a way of helping with depression - again for parents and non parents because they bring so much joy into the world.

There is nothing weird or wrong about loving ones animals and wanting to do things for them, whether you have children or not. I love the idea of a doggy birthday party as an excuse to bring the whole family together for silliness and fun.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 08:59

DriftingLeaves.....I missed a word out.
What's your excuse?

JenniferM1989 · 21/10/2019 09:00

I don't see the harm. It's not like they have kids and are putting the dog above their children. It sounds like this dog has a lovely home and is well cared for and that's what I like to hear. It's a bit unusual but I think our judgements are best served for people that don't care for their pets not for the ones that do

Drogosnextwife · 21/10/2019 09:03

This thread is mental. If I told anyone irl I was having a birthday party for my dog and wanted them all to come, they would laugh and think I was taking the piss. I honestly can't think of anyone irl who wouldn't think this was weird. They might not say it to my face, but they would definitely be thinking it.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 09:12

08:20 aurynne
And OrangeSamphire

You have been far more eloquent than I have been.

If the OP and her pals dont get it by now, they never will.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 09:16

09:03Drogosnextwife
Would they slag you off behind your back and raise infertility?

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 09:20

Would you be ok with the contempt and sneering that came along their presence?

Doubt it.

lynsey91 · 21/10/2019 09:21

@Drogosnextwife then you have some horrible friends and family. People do have doggie birthday parties. No, it's not that usual but also not totally unusual.

If you google "dog birthday cakes" I think you will be surprised just how many there are. People must be making/selling those for a reason mustn't they?

LittleLongDog · 21/10/2019 09:27

As a dachshund owner I can confirm dachshund owners are a breed apart.

We go on sausage walks, we celebrate birthdays, we like them to have nice harness and leads.

It’s not just a dog, it’s a dachshund.

DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 09:36

@Redshoesandtheblues

DriftingLeaves.....I missed a word out.

And an apostrophe. Very careless.

My excuse? Autocorrect I didn't notice. Your excuse?

You are sounding increasingly distraught on this thread.

Do you normally get this worked up about a thread on an anonymous forum?

ElizaDee · 21/10/2019 09:39

I'm glad I don't know you/you're not my SIL.

I celebrate my dogs bdays, and they get Christmas presents, from family too, and I buy them presents for theirs too.

Never had an all out party though, but may in the future. Sounds loads of fun.

You sound miserable.

PeriComoToes · 21/10/2019 09:40

I think it sounds hilarious 😀 go and join in the fun! My DD (12) would LOVE it if we got an invite like that.

Embrace the dog love (and I say that as a person who's not really into dogs at all)

Also please post pic of sausage dog in party hat 🤣

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 09:59

No you're right, Drifting not normally.
I wouldn't say distraught, but fucking well angry that people cant be left be ,
without their own family picking them apart and sneering. For sake of click bait.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 10:09

It's like being sneering and superior for no good reason than....erm......let me guess you and your husband both fertile?

Who knows is it Sil or brother who is infertile?
Would you be be so quick to sneer if it your

Blood relative , OP?

Ever thought its him and this is way of trying to fill a void and happy to do so?

And vice versa.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 10:16

Family can be cruel. I hope they never find this thread.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 10:23

We go on sausage walks, we celebrate birthdays, we like them to have nice harness and leads

Not quite as unique as you may think LittleLongDog. Our local park has a "sausage walk".

There is also a "spotty dog walk" (umpteen dalmations bounding and leaping in a batshit crazy fashion";

A "Bull-breeds" walk where all the pugs, bostons, bulldogs, frenchies etc gather for a more stately promenade;

A "pointy dogs" walk with whippets, greyhounds, salukis etc;

A "spanners" walk (the one I go on with my cockers and springer) - boundless energy and barely contained lunacy, with tennis balls;

And - perhaps the most impressive of all - the "hounds" walk - with the beagles, harriers, bassets and even an occasional foxhound. I say most impressive as you tend to hear these - in the distance - long before you see them - and when you do see them it is often off-lead, in the distance, racking through the trees in a pack. It's like a wave of tan, black and white just rolling across the green - it's brilliant.

And there's a "learn how to be sociable" walk led by a local dog trainer (for bouncy puppies)

The park is shared with walkers, joggers, cyclists, horse-riders, families out for pic-nics, school groups and just people out for a stroll. I have never witnessed nor heard of any trouble. People tend to admire the dogs and be pretty relaxed about things.

(It occurs to me that I've never seen a border collie walk, even though there are many border collies - possibly it's because they would all herd everyone into the centre of the park and keep them tightly controlled, and none of us would ever get home . . . Grin)

These walks don't occur on a daily basis, but they happen regularly-ish - and are great fun!

saraclara · 21/10/2019 10:29

This thread is mental. If I told anyone irl I was having a birthday party for my dog and wanted them all to come, they would laugh and think I was taking the piss. I honestly can't think of anyone irl who wouldn't think this was weird. They might not say it to my face, but they would definitely be thinking it

Yep. Even the couple I know who've plastered their walls with photos of their dogs but not their kids or grandkids, would draw the line at a dog birthday party.
Where have all these people come from? And where are the normals?

But yep, the OP definitely shouldn't say anything. Just go and meet up with the family and keep her mouth shut. As this thread shows, anything else will just cause a drama and a lifetime of grief.

PhilSwagielka · 21/10/2019 10:32

My friend with the bulldog goes on bulldog walks. I'd love to go on one one day.

SerenDippitty · 21/10/2019 10:34

They are mid 40's no children, never been brought up in conversation why but they don't have the life style of people who choose not to have children so I have assumed this is a substitute child thing.

Wow nice bit of stereotypical thinking there. Just what do you think is “the life style of people who choose not to have children”?

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 10:34

Why should she say anything? The OP doesn’t have to go, I’m sure the true story behind all of this is that the SIL knows the OP doesn’t like her, because let’s face it people like the OP and their judgemental ways can’t hide it. I bet none of her in-laws like her.

The only person in the wrong here is the OP.

MitchellMummy · 21/10/2019 10:36

Read some of the posts on here and agree that it's not what everyone would do - but where's the harm? Children of one or two years old don't know it's their birthday but the parents have a party for them ... so why not dogs? I think your SIL's dog is far better treated than many other dogs in the world.

missbattenburg · 21/10/2019 10:48

I cannot imagine a sweeter, more innocent and harmless way of coping with infertility than lavishing love on another living being

Hear hear.

Sometimes mn is like being back at an all girls school where being "weird" is used as the ultimate insult. It's not.

Weird is good. Normal can go fuck itself.

SunnyCoco · 21/10/2019 10:53

@leighhalfpennysthigh

I'm so sorry, you've been through such enormous heartbreak.

Sending you strength, I can't imagine .

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 11:04

Today 08:57Leighhalfpennysthigh

Sorry, this must bring up bad connotations and memories for you.

I'm lost for words but sending you hugs.
Sorry you stumbled across this.
Flowers

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 11:09

OP and others should be ashamed of their narrow minded view of a dog's party.
Yet we all enjoyed the topc of anal centre parcs. Confused

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