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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Mammylamb · 20/10/2019 20:54

Don’t go.

But I think it’s a wuffley idea

PrincessHoneysuckle · 20/10/2019 21:09
Grin
To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw
DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 06:28

The utter craziness of some people equating babies with dogs defies belief.

I feel sorry for them, they brains aren't working properly.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 06:46

DriftingLeaves but are they?
Or is that OP's perception?
Maybe they just enjoying fun with their dog and having an excuse for a party?

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 06:49

And the photographer is for getting all the family together?

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 06:53

You have been goady with your last sentence.

You not sorry at all and you probably a relative of OP.

Let me give you some advice - stop digging.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 21/10/2019 06:55

Ive just bought my kittens a bubble machine for xmas 🎄😍

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 06:58

And I'm planning bubbles for my dog and cats.....

And a noose for whoever criticises it.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 07:02

I feel sorry for them, they brains aren't working properly.

Just in case anyone misses this! What a bluddy piece of work.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 07:07

And it's their brains DriftingLeaves.
Sorry to pedantic. No. I'm not sorry. You deserved it.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 07:10

But , I guess I don't know how many empathic brain cells you have.
None. Just a guess.

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 07:16

This thread has really annoyed me. I can’t get over someone being so nasty for doing something so innocent dressed up as concern.

People ( me included ) adore their dogs. They are a member of the family and bring as much love and companionship as another human could in some circumstances. I trust people who love their dogs more than those who think dogs are a waste of time.

Maybe the SIL just thought it would be an excuse to get her friends and family together and was even using her sense of humour in arranging this party? I doubt very much she comes across in the way the OP has written about her. She sounds like fun and a good person.

I hug and kiss my dog all the time. I also have children and a husband. There’s nothing lacking here, I just love to kiss and hug him, we all do.

Anyway OP, I hope you’ve reflected now and seen how bloody nasty you’ve been?

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 07:27

I'm with you NoSauce, but I wouldn't take bets on it.
Im thinking driftingleaves is related.

Message - forget it. Change your names, or, own it, but if I was related to either of you I'd want to know. And id get my own back.

I'm pretty disgusted. And i only read her opening.

shinynewapple · 21/10/2019 07:29

Bacon flavour bubbles! Who knew? That's ddog's Christmas present sorted!

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/10/2019 07:35

notso nobody else was required to take part. That thread was about the poster's partner not doing something she wanted him to. It wasn't a party.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 07:55

Bacon bubbles.... cat nip bubbles....at least something good came out of this thread.

My dog is at that stage where im not going to wait for Christmas.

Will i have a party ?
No.
But if i did have a party, all that know me would come with the best will in the world.

They may think it odd but they would understand and not slag me off behind my back and allow my mental health to be questioned.

I hope you listen, OP because if i was related to you I'd take a step back. 800 meters?

Magicmama92 · 21/10/2019 08:05

I can understand it. They cant have children so they are projecting. May not be your cup of tea but I'd love to see cute dog pics and videos and go to a dog party. I think your being unfair and miserable. Can you not try to imagine the heartbreak of not being able to have children? Let's them have fun with their dog and just get on with it.

aurynne · 21/10/2019 08:20

I am on the autistic spectrum. I display some behaviours that other people do not understand and find weird, but are otherwise harmless and should bother no one. Nice people, and people who care about me, don't feel the need to comment on how odd they are, o how weird. Then there's the nasty, cruel people who find joy pointing to how weird and stupid these behaviours are, and make fun of them. Most people grow out of this attitude after high school.

Unfortunately the OP is one of these exceptions who remain immature, cruel and nasty all the way into and past adulthood.

Thinblues, please do stay home and don't come close to your DB and SIL. I can picture perfectly in my head the side glances, smirks and sarcastic remarks you would enjoy dropping at the doggy party, and how much pleasure you would take out of ridiculing them. I know your type. You cannot abide that other people find ways of overcoming difficulty by doing something you would not do.

I cannot imagine a sweeter, more innocent and harmless way of coping with infertility than lavishing love on another living being. I would be looking forward to attending your SIL's doggy party! I would be bringing bacon nibbles, and my own dog would be wearing a birthday hat. I would most likely frame the funniest photo from the event and show it in a place of honour in my house.

OP, one day you may get back all the hatred and disdain you're spreading around you and find out how utterly soul-destroying it is to be mocked and despised for doing something completely harmless that makes you happy. I hope that day you discover a very useful, humane trait known as "empathy".

DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 08:34

Calm down, @Redshoesandtheblues. You sound unhinged. People are allowed to disagree on forums.

Sorry to pedantic. No. I'm not sorry. You deserved it.

Did you mean "to be pedantic". If you are going to have a pop at someone's grammar it would be sensible to make sure yours is ok. It wasn't.

Stop frothing now.

DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 08:36

Im thinking driftingleaves is related

I'm, surely? Oh dear.

Not related. Just don't think pets matter as much as humans. Like most normal people.

Mrsgogginsthe3rd · 21/10/2019 08:39

I struggled with infertility for years - this is weird!

I was wondering if we knew the same person at first as someone I’m friends with on FB has just posted pictures of her dogs first birthday and honestly I think the post and pictures are more gushing than mine were for my long awaited DC’s first birthday!!

It is harmless though, harmless but definitely weird.

Gottobefree · 21/10/2019 08:44

What is the harm ? It's a bit of fun. Please don't measure someone's love for their pet because it's not human ... you've said they can't have kids so she's putting all her love towards her dog which is her baby !

It's a fun excuse to have friends and family over for a good time. Suck it up and take a dog present and embrace it ! She's happy, your brother is happy and the dog is happy. It's only you who isn't happy.

LimeTreeGrove · 21/10/2019 08:44

Sounds fun. I would definitely be up for attending this.

Catapultaway · 21/10/2019 08:52

Can't be added rtft. But what harm is it doing. No different to having a party for a baby, they don't have a clue what's going on but an excuse to get together.

OrangeSamphire · 21/10/2019 08:57

Your SIL may well look back in years to come and realise that her behaviour in relation to the dog was a bit over the top.

But I would ask you this:

Do you want her to remember you as a person who kindly supported her without judgement?

Or someone who dismissed and ridiculed?

When people have been through trauma, their behaviour can be unusual. Right now, this little dog is giving your SIL joy, love and a reason to get up in the morning.

Yes, it may seem like her behaviour is bordering on obsession. Yes, you could interpret this as potentially unhealthy.

But please please find other ways to connect with her and encourage her gently to do things not connected to the dog when she feels ready. Getting uppity about the dog’s constant presence in the family right now just isn’t going to help her.