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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 11:09

Topic*

ThomasRichard · 21/10/2019 11:12

I wouldn’t be going. Personally I think publicly anthropomorphising pets is childish attention-seeking behaviour but enough people do it that I just accept it’s something that isn’t for me, hit ‘like’ and move on. I couldn’t care less about someone’s pet and no doubt many of my pet-owning friends feel the same about my DC. Oh well.

Sagradafamiliar · 21/10/2019 11:13

Red you need to accept that some people just won't entertain the idea of humanising dogs, nor put it into practice. It's ok.
The rampant of projecting, judgement and stories you've made up throughout this thread to support your idea that these people are big meanies/evil IRL only says a lot about you.

theoriginalmadambee · 21/10/2019 11:22

@Redshoesandtheblues
FWIW I'm with you. To me it says a lot about people who don't like pets and who see their way as to only way.

theoriginalmadambee · 21/10/2019 11:23

The not to Confused

tinselvestsparklepants · 21/10/2019 11:26

Wow, and still the judgements continue. My DH and I are infertile. We spent quite a lot of this weekend making costumes for a toy animal which we then took pictures of for a friend (long private joke, I won't explain). It was hilarious to us and we enjoyed it, and we could do it because we have the time, mostly because we could not have children. I'm sure lots of people on this thread would turn their noses up at our "immaturity" but really, we are all allowed to live our lives differently and -shock- Childless people are still allowed to laugh! I'm heartened by those who are keener in this situation to extend some kindness that to hoik up their judgy pants.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 21/10/2019 11:33

It's the anti-dog brigade on here who are making comments like 'where are the normals?' I mean, who speaks like that past 15? It's childish and insulting and a clear example of how some people cannot live and let live. There is honestly NO harm whatsoever in this concept and yet because some people find it 'weird' (whatever that means), it's a joke when others do it? It's baffling that gown adults think something caring and harmless should be mocked.

Also, the people who are saying dogs and humans are not equal...they're definitely different but why are they not equal? Are we arrogant enough to think that we as humans are superior? Intellectually we are, but give me a couple good reasons why celebrating our oldest and most loyal companions is a bad thing?

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 12:19

11:13Sagradafamiliar

Red you need to accept that some people just won't entertain the idea of humanising dogs, nor put it into practice. It's ok.
The rampant of projecting, judgement and stories you've made up throughout this thread to support your idea that these people are big meanies/evil IRL only says a lot about you.

What projecting, judgements and stories, did I make up?

Or is it only OP allowed to project, judge and make stories up?

Genuine question.

Feel free to take as long as you like to answer because im now no longer available until later.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/10/2019 12:25

Also, the people who are saying dogs and humans are not equal...they're definitely different but why are they not equal? Are we arrogant enough to think that we as humans are superior

The cat lovers here are certainly not. We know our place! Grin

saraclara · 21/10/2019 12:30

@PumpkinPieAlibi I am a dog lover. The only reason I don't have one at the moment is that my present lifestyle is unfair on a dog.

But the dogs I have owned have been treated as dogs. Much loved dogs, but dogs. Being treated as humans isn't good for them, and the present trend for carrying them round in bags, pushing them in pushchairs and generally going against their instincts is not indicative of care for them.

Aprillygirl · 21/10/2019 12:48

Where's your compassion OP? It must be so awful to want a child but not be able to have one. so your SIL is pouring all that maternal love into her dog. What's wrong with that? How does it affect you exactly? My kids would love to have been invited to a dog's party when they were small, as would I as an adult (much preferable to a kids party) so why don't you stop being such a horrible, judgemental fun sponge and take yours along. You never know being surrounded by dogs and their loving owners may help them develop some of that compassion that you severely lack.

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 12:54

But the dogs I have owned have been treated as dogs. Much loved dogs, but dogs. Being treated as humans isn't good for them, and the present trend for carrying them round in bags, pushing them in pushchairs and generally going against their instincts is not indicative of care for them

We don’t know if the SIL does any of that. She blatantly loves her dog, cuddles and picks him up.

There is nothing wrong with that. Cuddling your dog is very therapeutic. All the other things SIL does eg the party, sending family photos etc isn’t detrimental to the dog. It just makes her feel better.

LittleLongDog · 21/10/2019 13:00

and the present trend for carrying them round in bags, pushing them in pushchairs and generally going against their instincts is not indicative of care for them

I think it’s indicative of very good care for them actually. Lots of small (and very large) dogs need their exercising limited. If we go on a very long walk I carry my dog either in my arms or (more comfortably for him) in his bag carrier for part of it.

I also know of a dachshund that is very old, blind, and finds walks difficult. His owners still take him out occasionally in his dog pushchair so he can experience smells and sounds he wouldn’t get if he was stuck indoors all the time.

You can’t compare an eg collie or staffie to a dachshund or chihuahua. What’s good care for one breed is bad for another.

LittleLongDog · 21/10/2019 13:03

@SchadenfreudePersonified apologies if I came across like I thought breed specific walks were a unique things to dachshunds, that’s not what I meant. 😂

ohnoitsbroken · 21/10/2019 13:03

Oh OP don't be mean. I think it's lovely how much she cares for her dog. Not being able to have children would break me. Think about how she feels as you're lucky to be able to have DC.

and the present trend for carrying them round in bags, pushing them in pushchairs and generally going against their instincts is not indicative of care for them

I don't agree with this, you don't know what health problems that dog has. Even if the dog doesn't have health problems and generally doesn't like walking (I used to have a dog like this) it's nice for them to get out and about.

Drogosnextwife · 21/10/2019 13:11

What I hate is when people turn threads into children bashing threads. Like how "boring babies are" and "no one wants to see pictures of your boring children", " I would much rather see a picture of a puppy than a boring baby" 🙄. Actually I don't want to see a picture of someone else's dog anymore than I want to see a picture of someone else's child.
I couldn't care less about other people animals.

IrmaFayLear · 21/10/2019 13:13

I love seeing pictures of people's dogs. It is incredibly poor form to boast about one's dcs, but with a dog... brag away!

And a dog's party? What's the harm? As long as the dog isn't eating chocolate or Dundee cake (fruit and nuts, you see) it's all good fun. My dog has a split personality: out and about he's a dog, but in the house he's happy to be a human! (Complete with voice...)

Ladywillpower · 21/10/2019 13:13

Just say no thanks OP, no need to even make an excuse.
Not sure I understand the rationale of those (admittedly few) posters who would like to deprive the SIL of her "doggy party".
Are you trying to say that those of us that are parents can dictate to those who do not have children (for whatever reason) how they should live their lives & what is healthy/unhealthy behaviour?
That we are in some way superior through an accident of nature?
You really are coming over as sanctimonious whatnots.

Drogosnextwife · 21/10/2019 13:16

I also haven't seen anyone here say they don't like animals or pets, just that they think it's ott to be throwing them birthday parties where they are inviting human guests, and hiring photographers for them 🙄 as usual the MN over reaction.

Drogosnextwife · 21/10/2019 13:21

@Drogosnextwife then you have some horrible friends and family. People do have doggie birthday parties. No, it's not that usual but also not totally unusual.

Nope, just people like anyone else. Most of them have pets aswell, and not all have children. I can't think of a single one of them who would do this.

LittleLongDog · 21/10/2019 13:29

@Drogosnextwife but whether it’s ott or not; does it matter? It’s causing no one any harm and some people quite a lot of good. Choosing to laugh at someone and call them weird (like you claim your friends would) however...

Drogosnextwife · 21/10/2019 13:33

Not laugh at me, just laugh in disbelief. Where did the OP, or anyone else say it was causing harm. The op said she is concerned about how obsessive her sil is about the dog. That she is concerned this is taking it a step too far. I would be too tbh. That's not being mean, or judgemental at all, it's having a genuine concern for someone.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 13:41

Weird is good. Normal can go fuck itself.

Something else I need on a tee-shirt.

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 21/10/2019 13:46

Something else I need on a tee-shirt.

Me too, @Schaden, me too...

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 13:47

LittleLongDog

Apology accepted - and I apologise to you, too, if I seemed critical. I didn't intend to.

(That's the trouble with typed conversations - even with emojis etc, you miss a lot of nuance. Though with some posters that may be a good thing . . . Grin)

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