To be concerned about dd’s weight even though bmi is fine

[trainofhearts]

Dd is 10. Loves (crap) food, not that keen on sport.

She is definitely ‘rounded’ and has a belly.
nhs bmi calculator puts her at around 70th percentile
A good proportion of my time and headspace is taken up limiting her food intake without making an issue of it.

I cook healthy meals and provide a good balance but she often leaves most of the protein element and eats as few vegetables as she can get away with. Then she’s hungry later and ends up eating toast or (plain) cereal.

At parties she will inhale junk food and is known for finishing her friend’s portions.

I’m concerned that as she goes to high school and I have less ‘control’ she will eat even more crap food. I have no doubt that if I didn’t constantly monitor her intake she would eat a lot more.

Exercise wise it’s also a constant struggle. I don’t want to put her off but she dislikes getting out of breath or anything competitive. She likes walking and climbing.

She is aware that she has a different figure to her sporty friends and also to some who are already more of a ‘grown up’ shape and a few who are v over weight but not overly bothered at this stage.

Ooh this is a tough one. You are totally right to be watching it now. I would try not to have too much rubbish in the house, and maybe try and find a sport she does like, there might be stuff she’d like but hasn’t tried yet?

Personally I’d probably not allow toast or cereal in the evening if she’s not eaten dinner but I know age 10 that’s harder than with a younger child.

My DD is the same age and also loves junk food but luckily she is very very sporty and also eats proper meals, but I keep a very close eye as her BMI is the higher end of healthy. Good luck, it’s a very tricky balance.

It’s so difficult to get this right. I’ve always told mine that A Healthy Body = A Healthy mind and focused on the positives that fruit and veg give.
Sadly, in a few years she’ll be far more conscious of her weight and figure so be conscious of complimenting her and showing her that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes but exercise and the right food is what keeps us healthy.

Maybe she’s hungry if you’re limiting her food intake? It seems unreasonable to me given she is a normal weight. In my experience the children who are restricted the most with “junk” foods are the ones that binge the most when it becomes available. You are running a really high risk of damaging her relationship to food irrevocably.

Also it’s not abnormal for girls to lay down a bit of fat before puberty then become leaner again as they grow upwards.

Is she 70th centile for weight and height?

You say she likes walking - how about getting her a fitbit (or similar)? You could all get them as a family - there are relatively cheap ones available now - and then turn walking into a competition. It's amazing how competitive families can get with things like that.

As for the food.. that's more difficult, but all you can do is offer her healthy food when she's at home. If she doesn't finish her dinner, I personally wouldn't be letting her have snacks later. If it was me and my mum in this scenario, I wouldn't be allowed to pick and choose. But try and find out which veg are her favourite (best of a bad bunch I guess) and serve those more.

Delores-this is what I’m very conscious of and I don’t really limit her in terms of what she eats but think it is my job as a mother to say that most of the time one scoop of ice cream or a single serving of pasta is sufficient. I don’t tend to have crap in the house but it’s easy to over eat with regular food

I would probably not buy cereal. It’s highly processed and vastly increases the blood sugar. ( diabetes in our house.)
It’s very difficult but you might need to sit down with her and have a chat about healthy food .
choices. Reducing her opportunity to reach for empty carbs might help a bit.
Yes she may be laying down a bit of fat pre-puberty but it’s not an excuse.

Once scoop of ice cream is mean, and how much is a "single serving" of pasta? Are you a dieter yourself OP?

If her BMI is fine you have nothing to worry about. Lots of little girls have tummies. It sounds like you are making food an issue when it shouldn't be which could cause problems and resistance on her part. She needs food to grow, not to stay slim.

AGain-i tend to stick to the lowest sugar cereals-shredded wheat, weetabix etc. She’s not keen on porridge-I keep trying.
Breakfast tends to be toast or cereal. Any other ideas? She likes eggs but only yolks.

One scoop is a serving and not mean, we adults in this house would only have one scoop. (I am fat regardless of that lol)
I would not let her have cereal or toast if she hadn't eaten dinner, fruit or nothing. But make it clear that she needs to eat the protein and the veg to be healthy and I would probably reduce the carb put on the plate so she will eat the other elements.
Fruit and yoghurt, beans on toast, scrambled egg for breakfast?

For her I class a single serving of pasta as the recommended portion size for an adult which is probably still too much but less than she’d eat left to her own devices.

I’m not a dieter as such but keep myself to a healthy weight by being conscious of how much I exercise. I don’t make it a big issue

That is way too much, a childs portion up to age 12 is half a cup of cooked pasta.

I think it’s a bit more than that raspberry but yes I know it’s too much-as I say-she’d eat a lot more given the chance.

She’s obviously not eating enough of the foods that make you feel full (protein and fibre) but you know this.

Ds has a similar issue (partly sensory due to asd), and he then craves carbs and sugar causing spikes and crashes. he’s really skinny though but in order to try and increase the following I do the following

Breakfast is Weetabix Protein Crunch. It satisfies his cereal love but has 6g of protein per serving. Much more than cornflakes etc. However shredded wheat and weetabix are both similar (Ds won’t eat them). Add in the milk and it’s a decent amount.
If she insists on toast for breakfast will she eat wholemeal and have a glass of milk with it rather than fruit juice?

Crisps - Ds has an addiction but crisps like frazzles and quavers have far less fat and calories (frazzles win on protein content. It’s not great still but it’s something

Pasta - use wholemeal for extra fibre, I also hide higher protein lentil or similar pasta in with the sauce. A spoonful of chia seeds in there too.

Rather than ice cream will she eat something like a chia milk pudding with fresh berries (fibre from the fruit). Or yoghurt.

Pizza, if you make your own with a wholemeal base and use low fat cheese and put veggies on a topping. Ds has a dominoes habit so I do a make your own with lighter cheese and sweet corn topping.

I am lucky that Ds loves certain veg. He loves a Sunday dinner without the meat. Will your dd eat Yorkshire puddings. Use as little fat as possible and extra egg. It feels like he’s eating carbs but the egg it’s made of is quite filling. The aim is to get her full from meals so she doesn’t snack on junk.

It sounds like you watch your weight and now you're projecting it on to your daughter. If her BMI is fine then she's fine. She needs carbohydrates to grow. Demonising carbohydrates is a mistake.

Healthy food sounds so dreary, but maybe I'm picking that up wrong. It's hard to tell.

I eat a lot more ice cream than that when I have it raspberryk, and my BMI is average or slightly below. Make of that what you will.

This is like my my second DD - she loves food and loves sweet food. She’s had a similar BMI around the 70th centile but is slimming down a bit now (she’s 11 1/2). She’s been been overweight and no one seeing her in clothes would think there was a problem but there’s definitely been a stomach roll.

I know your DD doesn’t like sport but what has helped has been swimming, up to 5 times/week and junior surf lifesaving on Sunday (we’re in Australia). After a 2-3km training session she’s ravenous but for the protein component of a meal and the training has normalised her appetite. Plus, she goes straight from school so she can’t graze in the afternoon.

A lot of her friends are becoming aware of their body shapes and they are all beginning to talk about not wanting to be “fat” which is scary and has never been something I’ve mentioned to her. Sport is good because it becomes all about what their bodies can do, not how they look.

*should say, she’s never been overweight

Agree with others that rather than fixating on her weight all you need to do is work towards a couple of healthy tweaks, 1) more filling meals and 2) a bit more activity. As per pp above maybe you could get creative to increase her protein & fibre, or get her involved in some cooking and baking. Food should be fun and tasty, not demonised and not just tedious bowls of porridge.

If she likes climbing you should definitely be encouraging that, it’s brilliant exercise to build muscles which in turn burn more calories.

I know you said you’re trying not to make an issue of it and I really hope she isn’t noticing because the last thing you want is her getting into a diet mentality at this age. It would be preferable to adopt these changes as a family for better health rather than weight management/loss.

I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m being defensive but I don’t demonise carbs-I eat carbs-i love carbs! But they tend to be wholemeal and I stick to the potion size-I just try to do the same for dd.

I think the trouble is i do know exactly what to do but dd is her own person and will soon have more freedom. I need a balance between guiding her to make healthy choices, ‘putting my foot down’ and not demonising food.

I was prediabetic until recently and for me the problems started 40-odd years back, when I was a child - too many carbs, not enough protein. I'd try to get her to eat more protein and fat and you could tell her it will stop her from getting hungry so quickly. Does she like (unsalted) nuts, cheese, ham?

Ok thanks-I think upping the exercise in creative ways will be the key. Especially as if she’s doing something she has less opportunity to snack and then should be hungry for a proper meal rather than just her favourite bits

She's 10. Comparing her to her peers is pointless, because they will all be growing/maturing at different stages. She needs to eat differently from an adult because she is still growing. If I were you I would stop worrying about her weight altogether, because the biggest risk for her is developing a long-term unhealthy relationship with food. Focus more on activity levels, not just for her but the whole family - go for walks or bike rides together, start doing parkrun, or whatever. And then just make sure everyone gets good, filling, healthy meals, and that's it. Don't monitor her eating or her weight, just let her grow up, proud and happy in her body.

Is the pasta you feed her wholemeal?

You need to focus on her exercise not her food. Get moving together as a family - regular walks, fun trips to the playground (just being on the swings for 20-30mins will burn calories), make sure you all walk rather than take the car but if you do need to take it park at the furthest end of the carpark and walk.

What about swimming? I too hate being out of breath and sweating but swimming has always been a good go to exercise for me ... or horse riding ( sounds bizarre but you work a fair few muscles riding correctly)