To be concerned about dd’s weight even though bmi is fine

[trainofhearts]

Dd is 10. Loves (crap) food, not that keen on sport.

She is definitely ‘rounded’ and has a belly.
nhs bmi calculator puts her at around 70th percentile
A good proportion of my time and headspace is taken up limiting her food intake without making an issue of it.

I cook healthy meals and provide a good balance but she often leaves most of the protein element and eats as few vegetables as she can get away with. Then she’s hungry later and ends up eating toast or (plain) cereal.

At parties she will inhale junk food and is known for finishing her friend’s portions.

I’m concerned that as she goes to high school and I have less ‘control’ she will eat even more crap food. I have no doubt that if I didn’t constantly monitor her intake she would eat a lot more.

Exercise wise it’s also a constant struggle. I don’t want to put her off but she dislikes getting out of breath or anything competitive. She likes walking and climbing.

She is aware that she has a different figure to her sporty friends and also to some who are already more of a ‘grown up’ shape and a few who are v over weight but not overly bothered at this stage.

Hmm, I remember being a little chunkier at that age (11 or so) and then I had a growth spurt and it all evened out. By all means keep an eye on it but you'll probably find that she'll suddenly shoot up, and then the same might happen again. Peaks and troughs!

Why are you ignoring my posts about what you're actually feeding her OP? I could be on completely the wrong track but you won't say.

If you can find a way to get her to eat the food you give her she'll be a lot less likely to snack and eat junk.

Karabair-Again-i don’t want to seem defensive as I’m listening to you and it’s helpful but do you not think that as parents we should guide the portion sizes our children eat?
I do feed her wholemeal pasta as thats all I buy and there’s no complaints but don’t give her low fat cheese etc. I do keep an eye on how much she has though.

My dd is similar. She is 13 and although I can control what she eats at home when she is out with friends i can't. She loves McDonalds KFC subway and sweets. I try to arrange fun things with family to stop her hanging out with her friends as all they do is eat!! She is slightly overweight but she has no problem with this she doesn't worry but it upsets me as she doesn't dress to flatter her figure at all. My only regret is when they were little I was quite controlling re: food portion size and eating healthy and we rarely had fast food or pizza and now because she can she goes mad for it - I think she is perhaps rebelling against my healthy eating regime- because she is a teenager and she knows it annoys me. She walks to school and back every day and does a dance class once a week but isnt particularly sporty which means it is definitely harder to keep the weight off. I hope one day she will realise that junk food is bad but at the moment she just wants to be with friends and fo whatever they do!!!!

Sorry-I’m not ignoring.
Typical meals-roast dinner-she loves all of this except the meat which she will only eat a small amount of. She will eat most veg but not loads
Lasagne-loves
Pasta and cheese-
Rice dishes-risotto, jambalaya
Sausages and mash or wedges
Chicken or quorn nuggets
Pizza-sometimes homemade sometimes frozen
Fishfingers
Pasta and pesto
Sandwiches

It’s all pretty normal food!

Agree with Karabair - does she have any say or involvement in what you serve? I became overweight eating crap as a kid because my Mum was a terrible/disinterested cook and the food I was given was gross. I couldn’t stomach it so would fill up on toast and junk instead. It wasn’t until I moved out and started cooking that I realised I did actually like vegetables, just not boiled to grey smelly mush. Not saying you’re doing that but maybe getting her involved in meal planning/cooking a bit more And experimenting with new dishes might help her discover the healthy things she will happily eat.

She's not overweight and girls that age are often a bit rounded due to the change of hormones before puberty.
Yes absolutely encourage her to enjoy exercise and healthy food choices. Swimming is a great idea because it'll be fun for her. If shes hungry though let her eat it's counter productive to make an issue of her food intake.

I worry the same op.
It's not misogynistic bullshit to care about obesity as after all it is one of the leading causes of cancer.
62% of adults are overweight. More people should care about what they are feeding themselves and their children.
Portion size is not about weight loss. It's about looking after the one body you have.

I always offer veg or salad alongside those main dishes obv!

Things i make that’s she’s less keen on:
Chicken casserole
Salmon & sweet potato
CHili
Anything with beans!

I would never limit my child ''s intake of "proper" normal food such as pasta or potatoes or carrots or even cereal.

Kids need to relate their own appetite by learning to know when they are full

We often don't have Puddings, but I have never restricted my kids' intake whee n it comes to main meals

Yes, restrict snacks and ice cream and junk food (a bit, all OK in moderation imo) but not main meals

Or she'll be one of those women forever on a diet, needing a plan for eating, as she can't figure out when she's had enough

In fact I would not restrIct her eating St meal times at all

I have never seen it work for any of the kids I Know.

Instead, as a family, embrace an active lifestyle and eat nice food (pasta is part of that)

That's what I thought. Wholemeal pasta is horrible, it tastes like pencil shavings. There's a reason Italians, who have wonderful cusine and who invented pasta, don't eat it.

If the other "healthy" food is anything like that it's not really surprising she's not eating it. I think you're coming at this from the wrong angle. It's not her appetite that is the problem, it's maybe that you're giving her things she doesn't want to eat and then she's hungry and does end up filling up on the bad stuff. It sounds like you've both got into a vicious circle. And, as others have said, maybe she's also gearing up for a growth spurt. I used to polish off dishes and dishes of ice cream when I was a teenager (I used to pour orange juice over it too for some reason) and luckily my mum didn't restrict me. I was just growing and I needed the calories.

Almost all parents make the decision about portion sizes for their children but you sound like you are thinking far too much about it like you say. Be guided by her, not by the weight loss diet industry which is invested in women having hang-ups about their bodies and weight, often under the guise of "health". If she wants to eat more at lunch and dinner then let her.

As reassurance 3 out of my 4 children put on weight noticeably in year 6 and year 7. They were constantly hungry. In year 8 and year 9 they shot up in height dramatically.

I don’t want to make it all about pasta but she’s quite happy to eat wholemeal!
And brown rice. She prefers white bread so has that much of the time for her lunch

As always threads like this garner such a wide range of opinion. However, it's no secret that the percentage of overweight adults increases year in year in the UK. Latest figures from 2017 suggest @64% of adults are overweight. As a society we are now very used to seeing overweight (not obese) adults as a 'normal' weight and I have heard many comment that others of a perfectly healthy weight are 'too thin.'

researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN03336/SN03336.pdf

I think you are right to be vigilant. As you say, when she becomes more independent at secondary school your sensitive and measured influence on her eating will lessen. I won't try to offer advice as it sounds as if your current approach is eminently sensible.

Why are people talking about BMI and centiles in isolation?

BMI is notoriously unreliable as it doesn't allow for muscle and fat percentages, just purely goes on weight.

70th centile is fine if the height and weight are similar centiles, but if height is low and weight is 70, then that's probably overweight. If weight is 70th centile, but height is 95th centile, then probably underweight.

I think it is a parents job to be aware of their Child's weight. You see plenty of comments on here that letting your child become obese is abuse. Being aware is along way from obsessing or giving your child an eating disorder.

My child is 9 and I struggle to keep weight on her, so OP, I feel your pain. Working out what to feed them without giving them issues can be a minefield.

Nhs calculator gives a bmi centile when you put in height and weight.
She’s 136cm (short for her age) and 34kg.
Thanks for all advice

You've said she keeps leaving the food that you cook her for main meals OP. Why do you think that is?

It's not misogynistic bullshit to care about obesity as after all it is one of the leading causes of cancer.

I agree. And about 1/3 of year 6 children in the U.K. are overweight or obese. Sure, on mumsnet they all “shoot up” with puberty but overweight/obese children are more likely to be overweight adults.

I disagree that children only eat when they’re hungry. Some snack, graze out of habit or boredom or because they like the taste. Children don’t need to be constantly eating. And while I don’t think carbs should be vilified in children, without protein/good fats they aren't filling for long and will exacerbate insulin spikes.

The OP’s DD may well slim down with puberty, or she may gain the extra few kilos that would tip her BMI into the overweight range. At this point a few tweaks in the right direction - more exercise, more protein- could make a huge difference. Promoting a healthy, active body in your daughters isn’t misogyny.

70th centile is fine if the height and weight are similar centiles, but if height is low and weight is 70, then that's probably overweight. If weight is 70th centile, but height is 95th centile, then probably underweight.

That’s not how BMI works at all.

This is what the NHS calculator says for those figures:

73rd
centile
Your child's height and weight suggest they are
a healthy weight

HEALTHY WEIGHT. That's from the NHS, not randoms on the internet. Feed her nicer food and get her to eat at main mealtimes and stop projecting your weight issues on to her.

SHe’s fussy about meat (has to be soft and not ‘fatty’ and is variable with fish so will pick at that or ask to swap meat or fish for cheese.
I don’t know. If I make bolognese she just wants the pasta but if I make that same bolognese into lasagne she eats it really well.
Better now we’ve found sausages she likes.
I did make a truly awful cottage pie recently that she just ate the mash of but I don’t blame her because it was rank!

Just stop buying it......it’s quite simple. Don’t have the food in the house.

That’s not how BMI works at all.

I'm not saying it is.

I was talking about BMI & height/weight centiles as being different things.

Just knowing height and weight are unreliable as it makes no account for body composition.
People with high muscle % will often show as having a high BMI e.g. body builders.

The OP knows her DD and will have a much better idea of if her daughter is carrying too much fat (rather than weight) than strangers on the internet going by figures and charts.

The 'obesity crisis' is bullshit pushed by the slimming industry.Women and girls should be 'rounded - the 'fashionable' female body shape is fairly unhealthy. It's perfectly possible to be fat and entirely healthy. But policing a 10-year-old's eating habits is extremely dangerous for her mental and physical health - and the PP who is bullying her 13-year-old about weight should also be ashamed of herself.