To be concerned about dd’s weight even though bmi is fine

[trainofhearts]

Dd is 10. Loves (crap) food, not that keen on sport.

She is definitely ‘rounded’ and has a belly.
nhs bmi calculator puts her at around 70th percentile
A good proportion of my time and headspace is taken up limiting her food intake without making an issue of it.

I cook healthy meals and provide a good balance but she often leaves most of the protein element and eats as few vegetables as she can get away with. Then she’s hungry later and ends up eating toast or (plain) cereal.

At parties she will inhale junk food and is known for finishing her friend’s portions.

I’m concerned that as she goes to high school and I have less ‘control’ she will eat even more crap food. I have no doubt that if I didn’t constantly monitor her intake she would eat a lot more.

Exercise wise it’s also a constant struggle. I don’t want to put her off but she dislikes getting out of breath or anything competitive. She likes walking and climbing.

She is aware that she has a different figure to her sporty friends and also to some who are already more of a ‘grown up’ shape and a few who are v over weight but not overly bothered at this stage.

Make lasagne then? Let her eat cheese as her protein source?

Some veggie food if she's fussy about meat and fish? Jamie Oliver is doing some fab stuff on Channel 4 at the moment. It's worth a try at least.

Really struggle with sandwich fillings. Mainly she just wants bread and butter. Likes salami but I don’t like giving that every day

The OP knows her DD and will have a much better idea of if her daughter is carrying too much fat

And if you read the OP, that’s exactly what she is concerned about. Her DD is not overweight, but noticeably has some extra (for her) and her eating patterns aren’t great. It’s the perfect time to introduce better eating patterns and good, vigorous sport.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Girls_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

This has some really useful info.

Her DD is not overweight, but noticeably has some extra (for her) and her eating patterns aren’t great. It’s the perfect time to introduce better eating patterns and good, vigorous sport.
Completely agree.

Lots of young girls grow up to be teenagers and then women with issues around their bodies and weight. From the posts on this thread it's really easy to see how it happens.

Eat nice good food - you'll enjoy it and you'll be fine.

I should have added food as the other issue there - seeing food as the enemy rather than delicious fuel that is vital for our bodies and that we should be grateful for.

If she has low muscle tone she might be fatter than suggested by her bmi. I think 70th centike is too high tbh

Eat nice good food - you'll enjoy it and you'll be fine.

The OP’s daughter is avoiding veges and protein and then eating toast and cereal in the evening. Is this the kind of “nice, good food” you’d be encouraging of through her growth spurt and beyond?

I think you sound like a really caring but not overbearing mum.
Just focus on getting her to enjoy fitness - swimming, skating, cycling.
If you/friends have a dog she could walk it every before school for a minimum of 20 minutes so that could help.

Obviously not. I just made suggestions about making her food more appealing to her daughter so she'd eat more at main meal times and be less likely to snack on rubbish, or at least trying to cook different things to see what she'd like. Did you miss that post?

Are you a dieter yourself? The OP's daughter's weight is healthy. Do you accept that?

Our DD has this tendency, which we have found anecdotally is actually a blessing coming into puberty - seems to be a biological need to come into puberty carrying some extra weight.

We concentrated on healthy eating/portions and exercise, without ever mentioning BMI or fat. She has grown and slimmed during puberty, and while she still loves her food she also balances it with exercise (I might have that, as I have ridden every day etc).

So be "alert, but not alarmed" at this age. Foster good habits, but don't obsess over the pot belly etc.

Are you a dieter yourself? The OP's daughter's weight is healthy. Do you accept that?

I’ve never disputed that her daughter’s weight isn't in the healthy range but the OP has noticed that she has some extra and her BMI is at the upper end of the healthy range.

Are you inferring that the OP’s cooking isn’t appetising, which is why her DD won’t eat protein or veges?

1/3 of British year 6 children are overweight. It’s the perfect time for the OP to address her daughter’s unhealthy eating habits.

Personally I think the answer should be more activity and vigorous exercise to limit the grazing and normalise appetite. Yours seems to be getting the OP to cook more/differently even though the offered meals seemed balanced.

Hi Op, you have gotten a lot of really good advice so I’ll keep this brief. Would your daughter be open to a parfait in the morning? Fresh or frozen fruit with vanilla Greek yogurt and some granola? And I noticed you said she is fussy about meat, does she like tofu? Crumbled tofu can be quite tasty! I sympathize, I remember 12, and it felt like I was always hungry.

Yes I am suggesting (not inferring) exactly that. The OP can decide for herself whether or not I have a point. Focusing on "healthy" to the point of offering wholemeal pasta doesn't seem to me to be conducive to making appetising food.

Her daughter's so-called "unhealthy" eating habits are not eating the food put in front of her for some reason and then snacking to make up the calories later. The obvious solution to this would be to find good food that her daughter does like so she'll eat it and not be hungry later on. Also, not restricting her intake at main meals where she should be getting almost all her calories. The OP is talking about restricting her food almost in the same breath as saying her daughter often doesn't eat enough at mealtimes. That's not healthy in the slightest.

but the OP has noticed that she has some extra and her BMI is at the upper end of the healthy range.

Are you "inferring" that her weight isn't actually healthy by noting that it's at the upper end (it's twenty points off)? Otherwise why would you mention that?

You didn't answer, are you a dieter yourself?

OP I'm sorry to say this but it occurred to me as I was writing that, that maybe your daughter already knows or has picked up that you don't want her to eat much because you want her to be slim, which is why she's trying not to eat at mealtimes, but then because she's hungry making up for it later.

I may be far off the mark but it's an outside possibility.

I would concentrate on portion size as you say OP.Most of us are over weight because of this.
Sandwiches,if she likes white bread how about the folded flat breads and a filling of light mayo and chicken,we do a lot of substituting butter in sandwiches with mayo or low fat cream cheese.
Offer fruit as snacks or veg she's old enough not to need to eat between meals.
Keep treats as treats,we have Crisps on a Saturday with a film.
It's hard to not talk about diets whilst steering your children to healthy eating.Get her to help you make meal plan then tweak it to make it healthier,get her to help you cook meals.
The only way with pasta is to measure,I find that linguini looks more than spaghetti or shapes weight for weigh.
But you are right,I think,to tackle the issue now while you have some control.It is so hard for an overweight teen /young adult to turn it around.

I don't think you're wrong to want to monitor her eating and encourage healthier lifestyle at all. Belly fat is a big predictor of heart diseases, diabetes etc. later in life and if you start gaining weight young it's really hard to address it later.

Increase proteins and fibre, get her involved in cooking, keep an eye on snacking. Wouldn't encourage snacks at all and if she gets in the habit of only eating at mealtimes she will hopefully not be too attracted to the junk foods when she gets to an age where she can buy crap on the way to and from school. I really wish my parents had been more in control of what I ate because I ate so much crap and put weight on as an adult which was really hard to lose.

This little girl is not overweight. There is so much projection going on here.

Diets make you fat. They're bad for you. As are low fat versions of high fat foods:

A recent study of 1,600 healthy middle-aged Swedish men found those who ate butter and drank full-fat milk were half as likely, over the 11-year study period, to become obese than those who went for skimmed milk and low-fat spreads.

And a study of 18,438 American women found those eating the highest amount of full-fat dairy were the least likely to gain a lot of weight over 11 years.

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6868009/DR-MICHAEL-MOSLEY-fat-milk-best-thing-drink.html

Are you "inferring" that her weight isn't actually healthy by noting that it's at the upper end (it's twenty points off)? Otherwise why would you mention that?

70% is at the upper end, given 50th centile is the 50th centile 85% is overweight.
The OP is worried that with her daughter’s eating habits as they are then she’ll become overweight in high school. This seems like a valid concern given her eating pattern and given that 1/3 of British children are overweight in year 6.

I get that you and I have different approaches and that’s ok. I agree about good food but an entrenched snacked/carby grazer is more likely to be properly hungry for main meals if they’ve just swim 3km, for example.

So is that a yes, you are a dieter, then?

The NHS says that the OPs daughter has a healthy weight. That's all that needs to be said.

Yes we have different approaches. You seem to be obsessed with this little girl's weight - which is healthy, end of story. I'm concerned that she's not eating the right things at the right time and possibly isn't enjoying her food. Even more worryingly that she may have picked up her mother's negative attitude to her body and weight and is actively trying not to eat in order to keep her mum happy.

It sounds like you have issues with food yourself. Why are you obsessing over her weight when she has a healthy BMI?

Yes we have different approaches. You seem to be obsessed with this little girl's weight - which is healthy, end of story.

Please highlight my post that shows I am obsessed with this girl’s weight. The OP says she’s fairly inactive, I think she should exercise more. Seems an odd point to object so strongly to, but each to their own.

OP if I was you I wouldn't take advice either from dieters or from people who are overweight. Obviously none of their approaches to food actually work and they very often have an actively disordered attitude both to food and to weight.

BMI is a blunt tool. It assumes a certain fat:muscle:bone ratio. If your child doesn't do sport it could be that her muscle % is low and she is carrying more fat than someone in the 90th centike. If she looks chubby, she is chubby