To be concerned about dd’s weight even though bmi is fine

[trainofhearts]

Dd is 10. Loves (crap) food, not that keen on sport.

She is definitely ‘rounded’ and has a belly.
nhs bmi calculator puts her at around 70th percentile
A good proportion of my time and headspace is taken up limiting her food intake without making an issue of it.

I cook healthy meals and provide a good balance but she often leaves most of the protein element and eats as few vegetables as she can get away with. Then she’s hungry later and ends up eating toast or (plain) cereal.

At parties she will inhale junk food and is known for finishing her friend’s portions.

I’m concerned that as she goes to high school and I have less ‘control’ she will eat even more crap food. I have no doubt that if I didn’t constantly monitor her intake she would eat a lot more.

Exercise wise it’s also a constant struggle. I don’t want to put her off but she dislikes getting out of breath or anything competitive. She likes walking and climbing.

She is aware that she has a different figure to her sporty friends and also to some who are already more of a ‘grown up’ shape and a few who are v over weight but not overly bothered at this stage.

Unfortunately if she keeps eating lots of refined carbs then she is very likely to be overweight in the future. So many people on mumsnet say that you should avoid making food too much of an issue but I think it’s really important to have those conversations.

You think pasta is a bigger portion? Or do you know? Because I know it's half a cup.

@Karabair I would inagibe its because I had a scoop per day all summer. And I have a gin habit. And a cheese habit. Hope that helps.

I love the fact that in 22 messages the OP has been accused of overfeeding (pasta) and being mean with food (ice cream)

It sounds like you are taking a sensible approach. I think teaching about portion sizes is sensible since overeating is far too easy.

She's not overweight - not by a long chalk. An eating disorder would far, far more dangerous for your dd, I think you need to stop thinking about it and relax.

Yes, ice cream every day is a little excessive rasberryk. It's a treat after all.

The OP says she spends an awful lot of time thinking about and limiting her daughter's food intake. That isn't healthy at all. Her daughter will pick up on it. Children are sensitive.

gingerkitty- yes-it’s like the dilemma in my brain in mumsnet form!
I think this has helped clarify my thinking and exercise is definitely what’s needed. She does like swimming. I’m less keen so will make the effort for her.

But shes normal bmi!? People are acting like she's got a weight issue. I knownwith my friends daughters they often put on a little tummy at that age pre puberty growth spurt when they shot up (and out in terms of hips.)

Certainly limiting food or conteolling food or saying she needs to watch ehr weight is more likely to backfire long term wrt disordered eating.

Maybe a dance mat might help or something similar?

I've recently bought just dance for the wii as I hate exercise but me and the kids love it.

Or a social sport like football or hockey?

I personally think you're in grave danger of sending your dd down the road of eating disorders. Please don't do it to her!

A good proportion of my time and headspace is taken up limiting her food intake without making an issue of it.

Good grief!! Find something more important to do with your headspace.

A BMI of the 70th centile isn't even remotely near overweight. I'm shocked and dismayed that you would limit your DD's food intake.
If you really have concerns then go and seek some PROPER MEDICAL ADVICE.

Your poor child is most probably hungry! Children do not over eat if they are given access to ordinary food.

You should look into Volumetrics. I used to have a book on the Volumetric Diet, which my kids thought was fascinating. Now, it's all available online. When you google it, something like "Volumetric Food Photos", be sure to look at the images. There are lists and photos, showing comparisons between high calorie foods and healthier versions. like this-I don't know if the images will post, or just the links though.
i0.wp.com/revivestronger.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/fuller.jpg
media.fooducate.com/comments/images/55DC5DA0-1026-B7BC-4DBB-B12098C6A463.jpeg

Lumpy I agree completely. And well noticed re the above comment with "a good proportion of your time"is given to this. Im concerned uou have some disordered eating tendancies or at least the possibility to pass them on to your child.

Make meals, eat meals, dont conetwntly watch amd monitor. Maybe talk avout stopping when full and some.days we might want more food tha other days. Eat when hungry and stop when full. You dont want to override a childs intuition.

Goodlord Mad dont do that. You do not want a 10 year old to be worrying about calories for goodness sake :(

So to answer your question - YES you are being completely and utterly unreasonable to be worried about your DDs weight when her BMI is normal. Give your head a wobble and do some work on your own body image and weight issues.

I agree focus on the exercise- she needs to find her “thing” - climbing wall near you?

That's what I was thinking too lumpy76. This little girl sounds hungry, hence snacking and eating lots when she gets the chance at parties.

It also sounds possibly like she's not too keen on what her mum is feeding her, which I why I asked about wholemeal pasta, because it really isn't very nice. Someone else mentioned low fat cheese. These kind of "healthy" foods aren't good to eat at all, and I don't think they're actually that great nutrionally either, although that may not be the issue here.

Rather than restricting her food OP maybe you need to focus on how to get her to eat her main meals.

Sorry-the headspace comment was perhaps a bit dramatic-I meant wrt to food and meals rather than my entire life-I have plenty of other things to stress about

But what is the difference between portion control and limiting intake except in the phrasing?

It may be so that kids don’t over eat if they are given access to ‘normal’ food but kids these days are exposed to ‘not normal’ food multiple times per week if not day however well meaning their home diet is

high calorie foods and healthier versions

High calorie food is healthy if it's nutritious. Cheese is nutritious and so are nuts for example. This is the wrong way to think about food.

The only empty calories are processed sugar.

FFS leave her alone. Just because you are a mug who has bought into the vile misogynistic bullshit that women should be thin at any cost doesn't mean you have to give your DD an eating disorder.

@reanimatedSGB - I agree, Im speaking from lived experience. OP whatever you do dont make her think she has to watch her food intake, it may turn into something insidious.

But what is the difference between portion control and limiting intake except in the phrasing?

Nothing at all. They both come from the same place, weight loss dieting.

A BMI of the 70th centile isn't even remotely near overweight Eh?

The normal range is 5th to 85th, so it is at the higher end of the normal range.

OP, has she started her periods yet? My slim DD ate like a horse and piled the weight on about 6 months before she started. 6 months after that it all settled down and the weight fell off her. She was wearing a larger skirt on her first day of high school than she did on her last! Please don’t be too controlling at this age. It may just be puberty and no point causing issues where there are none. If she’s hungry, she’s hungry. My mum was really controlling over what we ate and it was horrible (and I wasn’t overweight or even close) I used to end up buying biscuits and stuff to eat in secret.

Wow-harsh SGB! I want her to be healthy. I don’t see tummy rolls as healthy. Maybe I’m wrong.
I want her to build muscle and develop decent bone density
I don’t want her to get to 13 and be overweight because she’s eating crisps and energy drinks on the way to school.

Yoghurts, oatcakes, bananas, apples, wholemeal toast and peanut butter- all good filling snacks. She sounds hungry. Maybe she is gearing up for a growth spurt.

I have three sons. All had very similar diets going through their teens - not perfect, but not horrific. One remained stick thin, two developed ‘puppy fat’. Fast forward 10 years - all gorgeous in their late 20’s.
Please do not obsess. If your DD is still a healthy BMI then just encourage a healthy diet and fun, family exercise you can enjoy together.