Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it okay for your OH to text another woman saying I love you?

154 replies

Mirrors123 · 19/10/2019 20:01

My OH has messaged his girl mate and said 'I love you lots' she is a really attractive successful business woman. I really don't think that this is okay. I've met her once. He is saying I'm being really unreasonable but how would he feel if I messaged an attractive male friend saying that I loved him?

OP posts:
Ricekrispie22 · 19/10/2019 20:02

Not unless it’s his mother.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 19/10/2019 20:04

No. Fuck no. Do you really need to ask?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/10/2019 20:05

It's not ok, no. If he loves her, then dare I ask why he's with you instead of her? Does he tell you he loves you?

AuntieStella · 19/10/2019 20:05

If the girl is his DD, or the woman is his DMum, then it's fine.

Other than that, then WTF

Original poster
Mirrors123 · 19/10/2019 20:05

It's an ex work colleague. He says he doesn't fancy her and it was "in context" but I'm like wtf? He's making it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

OP posts:
Yeahnahyeah1 · 19/10/2019 20:06

Absolutely fucking not.

SaveTheTreesPlease · 19/10/2019 20:06

FFS, no! I can’t even think of a context where that would be acceptable if the woman is not his mother. How did he explain himself OP?!

BertsFriend · 19/10/2019 20:07

Agree with pp, only if it's his mum, daughter or sister. Otherwise it's just wrong.

SaveTheTreesPlease · 19/10/2019 20:07

He's making it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

There’s an even bigger red flag IMO

Original poster
Mirrors123 · 19/10/2019 20:08

He said its a good friend of his and that she's having a difficult time. I think it was a drunk text but for me that's worse as drunk messages are sober thoughts.

OP posts:
Lemonlimesoda · 19/10/2019 20:08

Could be seen as cheating AND gaslighting. Don’t stand for it or have him make out it’s ok

Catsinthecupboard · 19/10/2019 20:08

No. It is not okay.

But explain it to him in a non-accusitory way.
I.e. i don't feel comfortable with this.

Not: you're a big dope who obviously loves her more than me.

TwoIsNotBetterThanOne · 19/10/2019 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl · 19/10/2019 20:08

This is not OK OP. Not at all.

FinnBalorsAbs · 19/10/2019 20:09

Could you read the context? Was she having some kind of existential crisis about how everyone in the world hated her and she was totally unloveable?

Actually even then, I’d say not.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/10/2019 20:09

Does he tell you he loves you?

Stressedout10 · 19/10/2019 20:09

Big fat NO its cheating imo

WhiskeyLullaby · 19/10/2019 20:10

Are they really close friends,have been for a long time etc?
If yes,a bit iffy but not unusual. There are many types of love.
If no, it's a lot iffy,especially with the added "drunken text" thing.

MissingDietCoke · 19/10/2019 20:10

Hang on before you panic. I tell my best friends I love them regularly (because I do). One is a man. I genuinely, absolutely love him. But it's a very different love to the way I love my husband. My husband knows him well, and I know his wife though. Its never been an issue to my knowledge.

I suppose it's all about the context.

Savingforarainyday · 19/10/2019 20:10

Is it like
Attractive woman: " everyone has forgotten about me, no one loves me, lol"
( lol is for effect)
OPs DH: aw, don't be silly, I still loves ya.

Obviously grasping at straws, but what is the context?

Original poster
Mirrors123 · 19/10/2019 20:10

He let me read all the messages and it's basically that she's having a shit time and he got drunk tonight and text her like "I'm worried about you and I love you lots"

OP posts:
raspberryk · 19/10/2019 20:12

I tell my female friends I love them, if I had a close male friend I would also tell them, especially if they're having a hard time.
Nothing wrong with that in the context given in my opinion.

feelingsinister · 19/10/2019 20:14

I tell my close friends I love them a lot. I'm probably a bit more free with this when I've had a few drinks. I do have a male friend who I've said I love you to, maybe by text but probably more likely when out with them.

I think the context is important, if this is your only worry about this friendship then I can't see an issue. Not every man is having an affair and falling for their colleagues, honestly!

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 19/10/2019 20:14

Your last update sounds fine if she is really having shit time and he worries.
The word love isn't just for couples and immediate family.

ballsdeep · 19/10/2019 20:14

Context? Is the context shagging each other or having an affair?