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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it okay for your OH to text another woman saying I love you?

154 replies

Mirrors123 · 19/10/2019 20:01

My OH has messaged his girl mate and said 'I love you lots' she is a really attractive successful business woman. I really don't think that this is okay. I've met her once. He is saying I'm being really unreasonable but how would he feel if I messaged an attractive male friend saying that I loved him?

OP posts:
insanemumof3 · 19/10/2019 20:16

i think he could offer her more support as a friend but he seems to be offering her the support you'd expect from your OH. think hes too emotionally involved in her situation. Tread carefully... seems like a bad sign imo.

Bagofworries · 19/10/2019 20:19

There's all different kinds of love. I love my best friend who is a man, I also love my uncle and I message them telling them.
I have also told my friends husband I love him, in front of my friend when he got me back in my house after I locked myself out.
"Oh thank you so much for helping me out, I actually love you right now!"
I don't really see the big deal tbh.
Not all love is sexual.
What is love anyway? And why cant we feel that way for more than one person?
When you know the answer to what you believe love to be, you may find your DH thinks of it as something different.
You may see love as an exclusive couple bonding emotion, and he may see it as a strong sense of liking someone.

TooSweetToBeSour · 19/10/2019 20:19

I feel a bit sad reading the replies here. So love can only exist or be expressed between couples and immediate family? Are you all really THAT insecure? Give your heads a wobble for gods sake!

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 19/10/2019 20:19

I tell my male friend I love him. He usually says it back. Not weird. It depends on the relationship I suppose.

slashlover · 19/10/2019 20:20

I text my friends that I love them, including a male friend. I do love him in the same way that I love my sister or the cat. There's a difference between loving someone and being 'in' love with them.

SunshineAngel · 19/10/2019 20:20

You can love your friends.. but the issue isn't what he's said, it's whether you're comfortable with it. If you're not - which is clear - then it's probably not going to work, as he clearly has different boundaries.

Gileadisreal · 19/10/2019 20:21

Errrrr, that's a resounding NO from me.

That's not okay, or normal. And definitely not okay if it's making you uncomfortable.

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 19/10/2019 20:22

I agree with pp saying that OPs last post gives much more context and i would say it's perfectly fine for him to have said i love you then.

I tell my friends that I love them all the time - because i do. So they know that i appreciate them and they're important to me and that I'm glad they're in my life.

Geneva1995 · 19/10/2019 20:23

Ffs Hmm

Igotthemheavyboobs · 19/10/2019 20:23

I feel a bit sad reading the replies here. So love can only exist or be expressed between couples and immediate family? Are you all really THAT insecure? Give your heads a wobble for gods sake!

Thank God for the very few people on here like yourself! I was starting to think I was in some weird alternate universe. Do people really not tell their friends they love them? I tell mine all the time, male and female.

EdWinchester · 19/10/2019 20:24

Wouldn't bother me. We tell friends we love them.

Geneva1995 · 19/10/2019 20:24

I could potentially cope with if it was along the times of ‘oh you’re so funny I do love you’ but not just ‘I love you lots’

doublebarrellednurse · 19/10/2019 20:27

In that context i would have no problem at all, he's being supportive, if there's no other weird or overly intimate concerns between them then fine.

I tell male friends I love them and my husband is yet to freak out.

TARSCOUT · 19/10/2019 20:27

First reaction was no it's not ok, second reaction on seeing the actual message, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Mummadeeze · 19/10/2019 20:28

When you read the full message and also understand that his friend is going through a hard time I honestly believe he is just being nice. I am over affectionate when I am drunk too towards friends, it definitely doesn’t mean I fancy them. If you have no other reasons not to trust him I really wouldn’t make an issue out of this.

TryingToBeBold · 19/10/2019 20:31

If hes been open and let you read the messages and context and has made no attempt to hide anything.. I wouldn't worry.
I tell my friends I love them loads, male and female. Sometimes they just need to know that someone other than their DP and family has their back. Mental health is hugely focused on.. why not let your friends know they are loved and cared about.

HollowTalk · 19/10/2019 20:31

It would make me feel uneasy to be honest, but I'd make myself trust him because if you don't trust your partner then there's no point in being with him.

Please don't trust people who make you feel uneasy, @TwoIsNotBetterThanOne.

PulpPixie · 19/10/2019 20:32

I have friends I love. Being male doesn’t make it different. It’s friend love, it’s different

HollowTalk · 19/10/2019 20:32

How did you find out he'd said that, OP?

SinglePringle · 19/10/2019 20:32

Supporting a mate he’d never slept with / slept with a gazillion years ago? I’d think ‘aw, you lovely, sentimental old fool. This is one of the reasons I love you’.

A woman he met a month ago? 🚩🚩

I tell male and female friends I love them and vice versa.

peachycore · 19/10/2019 20:32

Of course not!!!! Shock

TryingToBeBold · 19/10/2019 20:32

I DO think you need to tell him how it's really made you feel and made you feel a little paranoid and insecure. He does need to understand your feelings towards this.

ThankYouStavros · 19/10/2019 20:33

To be honest, it depends. I have lots of male friends. I love them and they love me, purely platonic on both sides. So it really is circumstantial

joystir59 · 19/10/2019 20:33

It's ok to tell friends we love them isnt it?

Yeahnahyeah1 · 19/10/2019 20:35

Oh... with the context, yea I don’t think that’s so bad. He was pissed, he cares about her and they’re friends 🤷🏼‍♀️

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