AIBU to think he is old enough to have checked the door?

[CowgirlBride]

So we moved into a new house about 4 weeks ago, front door latch is a bit dodgy and will sometimes stick meaning you have to check that it is shut properly and if not give it a jiggle. We know it needs replacing but it does still work as long as you check and there are other jobs that are more pressing so we haven't got around to it yet.

DStepS (13) is staying this weekend, went out today - left at lunch time and came back about 6pm so several hours. When we got back the front door was wide open - Nothing has been taken fortunately. DSS was the last one out and clearly didn't check the door. He has been told before that the lock is dodgy and needs checking (the last time he was reminded was actually yesterday!)

DH is all very much "well no harm done" but I feel that was more luck than anything else and we could have come back to find our new house robbed!

AIBU to expect a 13 year old to be responsible enough to check a front door is shut properly when leaving the house? Particularly as he was reminded of this yesterday? Or should I have reminded him again or gone back and checked myself?

You should have reminded him again. You've had 4 weeks to get used to it but he isn't there every day and won't automatically remember,

I would definitely go back and check it every time. Other people are just so blasé about these things.

I think little house quirks take a while to get used to and he is only staying for the weekend. It is a shame he forgot but my attitude is the same as your DHs.

He’s not there all the time, isn’t invested in the house like you are and he’s a teenager. I think you should just presume he’s going to forget to check it and remind him constantly.

The fact the door was wide open today and you’re obviously annoyed about it should hopefully give him a shock to help things too.

These things happen.
DH and DD both leave their keys in the door from time to time!

Granted yes we have had time to get used to it, but IMO giving a door - ANY door - a cursory push to check it had shut properly is common sense!

My DS is 13 I wouldn’t expect him to remember that and he is reasonably sensible- especially as he doesn’t live there all the time.
You or DH need to remind him or check it yourselves.

Dh is over 3 times that age and has, on more than one occasion gone off to work (I leave before him) leaving the door unlocked, and worse at times wide open.
It's a mistake, things happen. Thankfully we've lovely neighbours who will just pull it too when they see.

My DSS was always leaving the door unlocked when he went out - sometimes he would go out after us, like in the holidays etc if we were working, and my partner told him that if he didn't start locking it EVERY time, he would have to get up at 6am and get dropped off at his nan's every day and stay until 6pm, if he can't be trusted to be in the house.

He soon did it.

My 13Yo Dsis locks up every morning double checks doors etc but she lives there. That's the issue here and it was an accident, I can understand your frustration though.

IMO giving a door - ANY door - a cursory push to check it had shut properly is common sense!

Not for the average 13 year old.

Get everyone in the habit of double-locking the door, for some reason that's easier to remember than testing a door.

YANBU
He was told and was reminded.
The issue with the ‘oh well no harm done’ is that he will do it again next time and the time after that.

I like @SunshineAngel idea. It’s a good natural consequence.

As for adults forgetting, I think it’s a different situation. If they do and the house get robbed, it will be THEIR things and THEIR money that will be affected, not someone else.
And that’s also the reason why most adults will not go out leaving the front door wide open....

At 11/start of secondary I was told to always check the door was properly locked and we didn't even have a dodgy lock. Wasn't allowed my own key otherwise. I still check it now 🤣 YANBU. Maybe leave a note on inside of the door reminding him to check it since he isn't there all the time and might not have to check it at his mums.

I'm surprised a 13 yo is left alone for hours on end which he would have been if he hadn't gone out. If he's not mature enough to check the door is properly locked he shouldn't be left.

When he is at his mum, does he ever lock the house?
Does he have the responsibility to check on all the windows and doors?
If not, then there is a lot of teaching to do and you shouldn’t have left him locking up on his own wo checking.
If he does, then he shouod have known about checking the door.

Checking doors is not in the common sense range of a 13 yo he’ll have far more pressing things on his mind like fortnite and girls

@HeyNotInMyName that's kinda how I felt - if me or DH had done it and been robbed it would be our fault and we'd have to deal with the consequences.
@TARSCOUT yes I had the same - I got myself to and from school everyday as my mum was working, so was expected to lock up the house if I was the last person out (which I was frequently as my DBs school was further away and they left earlier.) But DSS mum works too and he gets himself to and from school on the bus so he must have to do it at his own house!

Nobody said he was going to be left alone for hours - he was out with me and DH all afternoon, it just happened that he was the last one out as he had forgotten something (a frequent occurrence!) so was the one to shut the door. Me and DH were already in the car waiting for him. We've never left him unattended for hours.
I don't know what exactly happens at his house but I do know that he buses to and from school and his mum works full time.

Just get the lock fixed. That’s you responsibility not your sons. Your fannying about trying to blame others without taking the obvious action.

Getting the lock sorted should take priority over other jobs.

Nope, he’s 13.
Get it fixed

Teenagers are not human/rational /dependable. Fix the door

As the mother of a very typical 13 year old boy, having seen him and his friends, I am entirely confident that common sense is not something they are generally in possession of in any great quantity.

Don't get me wrong, they are lovely and lovable, but reliability in decision-making and actions is not something they seem to possess
In this case as well, I think it's even more understandable. There is an issue the door that means that even when it is shut it isn't locked. He didn't think to check, but equally, you didn't think to ask if he'd checked.

I'm with your DH on this - no harm done, and a learning opportunity for everyone.

So you were in the car and forgot to ask if he checked or indeed checked for him and yet you are completely blaming him

You are the adult who was there as well and you know its a difficult door to shut

and who on earth always pushes a door to check it is locked!