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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think he is old enough to have checked the door?

92 replies

CowgirlBride · 19/10/2019 19:52

So we moved into a new house about 4 weeks ago, front door latch is a bit dodgy and will sometimes stick meaning you have to check that it is shut properly and if not give it a jiggle. We know it needs replacing but it does still work as long as you check and there are other jobs that are more pressing so we haven't got around to it yet.

DStepS (13) is staying this weekend, went out today - left at lunch time and came back about 6pm so several hours. When we got back the front door was wide open - Nothing has been taken fortunately. DSS was the last one out and clearly didn't check the door. He has been told before that the lock is dodgy and needs checking (the last time he was reminded was actually yesterday!)

DH is all very much "well no harm done" but I feel that was more luck than anything else and we could have come back to find our new house robbed!

AIBU to expect a 13 year old to be responsible enough to check a front door is shut properly when leaving the house? Particularly as he was reminded of this yesterday? Or should I have reminded him again or gone back and checked myself?

OP posts:
adaline · 20/10/2019 07:41

Get the lock fixed.

Yes, he should have checked but it's not his fault the lock is dodgy.

GrimalkinsCrone · 20/10/2019 07:45

You’ve been living in a house with a dodgy front door lock for a month and haven’t bothered fixing it?

CheeseChipsMayo · 20/10/2019 07:47

You seem to want validation to justify giving your Dss a severe bollocking.Get over it-hes a teen,only in your home occasionally&as others have commented,isnt invested in the place.Accept its happened&learn from it..i have 1 of both the concientious&non-plussed teen so you learn different approaches.Pick your battles.

coconuttelegraph · 20/10/2019 07:48

I think you expected too much, one of you should have checked when he got in the car

BruceAndNosh · 20/10/2019 07:51

Get the door fixed.
What needs doing in the house that is more important?
Stick a note on back of door "check door is locked"

spoonyJoe · 20/10/2019 07:58

It's also common sense to replace a lock on a front door when it's broken.

You could use all those seconds you have been using to check the door is shut to actually fix the problem. It takes about two minutes to replace the cylinder yourself or a similar time to phone a locksmith.

Karwomannghia · 20/10/2019 08:02

YABU. fix the door. Why are you looking for opinions on this? Have you had an argument with someone or is it just to reinforce your obvious dislike for your stepson?

lisag1969 · 20/10/2019 08:11

Remind him again every time before you leave the house.
I know you said more pressing jobs need doing, but to me, this is a warning.
You were lucky this time.
No other jobs can be more pressing than keeping your family and your home safe. You could have lost everything and that would have been way more expensive and upsetting.
Buy the new locks and get your husband to fit them, that will cut down the cost.

PigletJohn · 20/10/2019 08:28

On one occasion my mother and stepfather went away for the weekend and I called in to feed the cats. They had left the front door wide open. Does this indicates that middle-aged people are thoughtless and cannot be trusted?

Aridane · 20/10/2019 08:28

Just get it fixed - anyone can accidentally leave a door not securely closed whe.n it's defective. It's not unique to stepsons.

Happymum12345 · 20/10/2019 08:31

Be grateful no harm was done & fix the door.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 20/10/2019 08:32

I’ve done this in adulthood. Sometimes people just forget or make mistakes. There was no harm done, I don’t see why you are making an issue out of it.

betternamepending · 20/10/2019 08:35

I absolutely fail to see what can be more important than getting your lock fixed. It's not expensive and it protects all of your belongings.

The boy is 13 and doesn't live there, I don't blame him for not getting it.

MakeItRain · 20/10/2019 08:39

I think if you were all in the car together, and you are the ones who use the door daily then it was more your responsibility to check it was closed. I would hope my 13 year old would check a door like this but I would never guarantee that would happen and my main thought would be to get the door fixed. If she left it open/unlocked , then ultimately, as the adult, I would consider that my fault in this situation.

PenelopeFlintstone · 20/10/2019 08:40

he was out with me and DH all afternoon, it just happened that he was the last one out but you two were both in the car - you two should’ve checked as you’re more used to having to check the defective door.
as he had forgotten something (a frequent occurrence!) - don’t we all?
Better to fix the problem/system than repeatedly blame a person for forgetting. They say this for work situations but it applies here too, I think.

Grandmi · 20/10/2019 08:43

You are being unrealistic and need to get used to teenagers ...my sons are a few years older and despite being reminded about stuff they still forget ie empty dishwasher, walk dog ,phone messages and it is genuine not laziness...their brains are definitely wired differently . Ihave accidentally left our front door open for hours if it hasn’t clicked and my eldest son has in the past. TBH it’s my responsibility to get the door fixed and I am the adult!! The average 13 year old who doesn’t usually live there is not going to routinely check the door even if he was reminded....they don’t actually hear/ listen to a a lot of what you say !!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 20/10/2019 08:44

The adults in a situation need to be the ones ensuring things are double checked because they're the ones responsible. Of course you'd hope a teen would check, but to be cross or upset that they didn't is pointless. It's happened, he can't go back and change it and now you know you need to remind him. Or be an adult and fix the bloody lock yourself, since you are an actual adult.

Abetes · 20/10/2019 08:48

Fix the lock. Whatever else needs doing, this is the most urgent, especially now.

Cheesecake53 · 20/10/2019 08:49

I also think you should get the door fixed.Wwhich other jobs in the house can be more pressing than ensuring the front door works properly?

quietheart · 20/10/2019 08:49

You already said he frequently forgets stuff. If something is important to me then I need to check it myself. Though I’m used to checking stuff as DH often forgets and he’s 46. 🙄

SoupDragon · 20/10/2019 08:51

Me and DH were already in the car waiting for him.

I'm with the others who say that it is your fault for not reminding him.

so he must have to do it at his own house!

His house probably doesn't have a faulty lock.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 20/10/2019 08:53

Just get the lock fixed..why wouldn;t you if there was a problem with securing yourselves and your home?

Gwenhwyfar · 20/10/2019 08:57

" IMO giving a door - ANY door - a cursory push to check it had shut properly is common sense!"

Depends. My family's house door was never locked when I was growing up, for example. The front door locked anyway just by being closed, so if you're used to that kind of door, you won't automatically double check.

People make mistakes. I've left ovens on and gone out in the past. What would you do to me?

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/10/2019 09:01

Honestly, I would have fixed a faulty front door lock the same day I noticed it. Unless you have dangerous electrics what is more important? And, it's easy and cheap to do. As he doesn't live there full time he needs reminding every time until it's fixed.

Sux2buthen · 20/10/2019 09:05

I agree with you OP. At 13 I would expect someone to have the ability to shut a door.
We have a similar banging head against wall level of annoyance here but with baby gates.
They aren't there for decoration
(Gets annoyed again Grin)

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