To think some posters will always say the school / teacher is not being unreasonable

[andineverwill]

It really does feel you can’t criticise schools / teachers on here.

YABU. It's not the teacher's fault. Your kid is probably lying. Find out what really happened. Don't be so stupid, teachers would never do that. Don't go up to school. let teachers do their job. Teach your child not to be a lying little scrote. If they behave better it wouldn't have happened (not that it did happen 'cos kids always lie.)

Didn’t happen.

seaweedandmarchingbands I very clearly said if they couldn't accommodate that one condition, then they shouldn't proceed with the plan. it's done now, there's no time machine to change it.

ChilledBee & andineverwill

The paper one (although it can be an issue) is the tip of the iceberg.

I have had classes that have multiple pupils with ECHPs, all contain "reasonable" adjustments, until you look at them together.

The plan for A triggers B, The plan for C makes D hide, The plan for E annoys F because one can walk around and the other isn't allowed to.
Three of them need a quiet atmosphere to work in two of the other are allowed to shout out and talk, one doesn't react well to his 1-2-1 TA being there at all (but they must be there) and has a contradictory instruction about how they should be encouraged to learn.

As someone said upthread, its not the people teaching the pupils that write the ECHPs.

And that doesn't include dealing with issues from other classes and the corridor.

And that isn't a rant or a complaint it is just what happens.

Dobbins I’d withdraw DS3 from the plan. You don’t think he needs a special snack and the school is botching the implementation. I’d send a polite email stating my decision and why.

DobbinsVeil

Just as I very clearly said that the person you are expecting to accommodate it isn’t the person who made the plan. I am not blaming you; why are you blaming the teacher?

"Parent on mumsnet: we had a plan with the school regarding our kids to support his SEN. Teacher didn't follow it now xyz has happen, I'm fuming, aibu to go and talk/shout/be upset at the school?

Teachers on mumsnet: YABU."

Well as a parent I wouldn't be fuming. I'd be disappointed that it hadn't happened and I'd want to know why, and what steps were being taken to make sure that it happened going forward. I'd talk to the class teacher first. All assuming that the school agreed to it in the first place of course. Sometimes we say that something is not possible but still receive complaints for not doing it.

I think that teachers should ignore these threads. People get bored with talking to an empty room.

I don’t deny that some parents have issues with some teachers. I just don’t think that talking to random teachers, or people that claim to be teachers on a random forum is helpful. They don’t know you or your child, why should they apologise for teachers that they have nothing to do with.

I didn't expect anyone to accommodate the plan, it was the Head's plan. If the teacher couldn't accommodate it, she should have taken it up with the Head, not deviated from it and caused a sit where DS3's privacy was blown.

Sorry should read a situation, not a sit

itsmecathycomehome

Your response is generally the response that teachers give. Unfortunately for some that is calling the child a liar, the teacher picking on the child, or blaming the parent.

I agree Boney the juggling of SEN is very tricky when needs collide, clash and overwrite each other.
And my solution for multiple parent stuff at the door is post It notes and a whiteboard for messages. If it’s private, seriously, I write in my code so only I know what it means.

GrimalkinsCrone he's in the routine of it now and I think the extended break does ease the transition back. Though he's definitely still disruptive.

It's more the school can't grasp that these things reinforce his belief that he can't trust the teacher. The new day/fresh start just doesn't mean anything to DS3.

If the teacher couldn't accommodate it, she should have taken it up with the Head, not deviated from it and caused a sit where DS3's privacy was blown.

Perhaps she did. Perhaps she pointed out to the HT that this adjustment was actually proposed during her break. I have no idea, and nor do you. If it wasn’t ever going to be possible to guarantee this arrangement, the person to blame is the HT.

I did take it up with the Head. Snack was at end of break, DS3 in classroom with everyone else, then sent for it.

And none of that explains why they withheld what happened

DobbinsVeil

But you are blaming the wrong person. What was agreed was never going to be possible (that that arrangement should be set in stone). You can’t see that and I can’t help you to do so.

But it's the teacher who writes in the communication book, not the Head. So why would the Head be telling me what happened, not the teacher?

That is a different question. I haven’t a clue what the teacher wrote. I don’t fully understand what you believe the teacher actually did wrong.

It's not a different question, I've included that point from the start.

You see no problem, that's fine. But you're also not the one dealing with the fall-out. Maybe DS3 is unreasonable, but he's 6 with ASD. As I've said to the school, I don't expect them to be able to accommodate his needs, but they must be honest with the LA. Until very recently they weren't.

It's not an isolated incident, which doesn't come across here. It's not the right place and besides, I don't think it's really achieving anything. Go ahead and think I'm just "that parent", I need to sort out the amendments needed for the draft EHCP that's finally been issued.

I have to admit, I do think you are “that parent”, yes. It is a different question. What happened and whether or not it was reported back accurately are two different questions.

DobbinsVeil

My response to you if you posted this in isolation from everything else is

'find out form the teacher what they have been told to do'

As there are many connotations of how this could have been passed to the teacher.

Dobbins, it is a shame that the teacher messed up and that this has impacted your child. I do sympathise with you, because you were told that something would happen and it didn't.

I suppose it comes down to this - is the teacher a malicious bitch who intentionally messed up the plan, or did she make a mistake?

Regarding why she didn't tell you about it :

1.She instantly knew that she had messed up but hoped to sort it out quietly without a complaint for you (as people do in all professions, you hope a one-off error might go unnoticed).

2.She wasn't even aware that she had made a mistake until it was pointed out to her, so there was nothing to write in the home-school diary as far as she was concerned at that time.

1. She knew you would go mad so asked the HT to handle it on her behalf.

IME parents who have a genuine grievance but approach the class teacher with the attitude that it was probably as honest mistake, yield the best response and results.

And I apologise if I've misunderstood any of your situation, I only skimmed your posts.

Welcome to MN, andinverwill

What a combination of a meaningless thread title (as you don't name the posters) combined with an OP entirely unrelated to the title.

I can’t imagine a thread criticising one retail worker would have accusations of retail worker bashing

You haven't been on MN long, have you?

The plan was wrong to begin with. The Head could never guarantee complete secrecy ,especially not long term. Even if the teacher didn't make the wrong judgement call that day,another child or maybe even several might be at the office with an injury,waiting to be picked up because they're ill,with a message etc. Long term it wouldn't have worked.

As it been said before sometimes the people that make plans don't consider that they a) clash with other children's needs in the class or b) they clash with the timetable or staffing.

It was a fuckup right from the start and it seems like you have other issues with the school as well. I hope you manage to get them sorted and your son will be in an environment that suits him and his needs.

I’ve been on MN plenty.

I name change.

@andineverwill

I am on the fence here actually.

I have found some teachers to be amazing, wonderful souls who love the kids as if they are their own, and others who seem to dislike the kids so much, and have so much contempt for them, that I wonder why they ever became a teacher.

There are good and bad in all professions. Like doctors/GPs. I experience some who are kind and lovely and thorough and seem to really care about the patients, and some who are impatient, arrogant, and moody, irritated by most patients, and who are really not that good at the job.

Some people in 'professional' jobs have been pushed/bullied into the profession by family, as they are made to feel like some kind of under achiever if they have a basic unskilled job. So this makes them resentful, and not good at the job because they don't care about it. Some people are mithered and coerced and practically bullied into a certain profession, and something that has to have an academic degree, and they resent it and don't enjoy the job, and are not very good at it.

Footnote, in my experience, I have definitely found more good, nice, helpful, lovely teachers than bad. Probably 85% good ones to 15% bad/below par ones who don't care about the job OR the kids.. I also think they're under a lot of pressure, with a heavy workload, and they work way more hours than people think.

Also agree than no other career seems to be maligned - on here - as much as teaching/teachers. Very unfair.