WIBU to put DD in her swimming costume for baths

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Mum of Twins here DD and DS turn 2 next Monday.

DS is fine in the bath, except trying to find any way to climb out of it, he usually stays put just enough to get him cleaned properly.

DD however HATES the bath, she always has, the minute she feels the water against her she starts to cry, full on plaintive wailing and me and DH have tried everything we can think of as follows:

• Baby bath for a bit longer (she never liked the baby bath either so not much of a comfort for her)
• Baby bath in big bath.
• Me in bath with her
• DH in bath with her
• Toys in bath (that we let her choose)
• Letting her play with the water before putting her in.
• Lots of water play outside of the bathroom to get her more comfortable with water in general.
• Only putting the bare minimum of water into the bath so she’s not too immersed (she had breathing difficulties as a baby and I realised that fully sitting her in water distressed her).

-Bathing her in the Kitchen sink instead (in case the size of the bath or the slightly unfamiliar environment of the bathroom was frightening her).

We’ve being going at the slow, steady, fun, relaxed approaches for months and it’s the same every time, the moment her bottom hits the water she panics. Even if I sit her on me so she’s not in direct contact with the water, she panics.

My Mum recently bought her a swimming costume which DD hasn’t worn yet but she carries it everywhere like a blanket because she really likes it. DH thinks putting her in a swimming costume for a bath is a bit counterproductive as it won’t mean she’s fully washed, but as I’m usually the one who has to bathe the twins I’m the one who has to handle her obvious fear of it each time! (Not because DH doesn’t want to bathe them but during the weekdays he’s at work and usually I’ve had to get them in the bath before he gets home).

Is it worth trying to see if having that bit of a barrier between herself and the water helps?

Has anybody else any experience of a baby/toddler who seems to be terrified of bathing no matter what you do? I’m hoping that as she grows and her language develops a little bit more (she’s not yet able to talk except the odd phrase/word here or there, it’s still sentence like babbling) that she’ll get past her fear.

I now find myself dreading bathing her, but she’s in that incredibly messy phase of wiping her dinner all over herself (especially her hair!) so I can’t just do her a wash down as a compromise anymore.

I haven’t tried bathing both at the same time yet as I can barely manage to keep DS in place and don’t think I could safely have them both in there without DH to help wrangle them.

Sorry for the long winded moan about bathing a toddler - I’m having a bit of a stressful week and in the lead up to bath time this evening (and my period kicking in today) I’m feeling a little neurotic I guess?

I've only gotten to page 3 so not sure if this has been mentioned yet but have you tried bathing them together?

I know it won't be easy - you'll need to pick an evening when DH is home so that you can have back up - but I have often found that if my youngest is nervous of something while her big brother is OK with it, sometimes by having them do it together and let him lead, she's far more likely to trust and try, Mine aren't twins but you do have a similar situation in that one is confident and compliant child and one not so much. Maybe if she sees her brother having a great time, she'd be more likely to give it a go?

You could start with letting her watch your DS in the bath, then let her help wash him, then maybe after a couple of times seeing her brother enjoying the bath, she'll start to realise that it's not so scary.

Food colouring works just as well @Emus if you ever run out.

Showers all the way. My mum used to put the baby bath in the shower when my brother was little, and so the sh-bath was born. Meant bath play but show time. Or try a bath together when you have an extra set of hands so you don't feel too stressed the first time when you aren't used to it. Good luck!

Pair it with a pleasant stimulus. Pavlov dog style! Everytime her feet hit the bottom of the bath - CHOCOLATE BUTTON. She'll soon associate the two.

Yep i used to do the shower thing-moved from an older house with bath into new apartment with only showers in bathrooms so i used to pee about with baby bath until one day,tired&sandy fron beach i just rinsed us both down in the shower at same time..big double cubicle so she sat on floor watching me after&loved it..put toys in for her..i think you do whatever you can to make it enjoyable&safe feeling&you've literally tried it all-so fgs get showering with or without cossie😊

Definitely try a shower my LO has been showing even sat down (never did the whole baby bath thing.

Have you checked her out for the Sensitive condition (Not sure of name) is she ok with other things cloths etc, have a friend who has same struggles due to being ultra sensitive...

Maybe bathing the two together could be better, she will see her twin enjoying and it may rub off.

If shower does work put the plug in and add bubbles (mommas magic)...

Good luck :)

I'm going to go against the general opinion here and say that I wouldn't put her in a swimming costume. You won't be able to properly wash her anyway and it will be difficult to peruade her to wash without it further along, especially if she already uses it like a comfort blanket. I'd definitely try the shower though and maybe put in the bath plug and generally try and make that fun, until she is a bit more receptive to being in the water. Give her a wash cloth and let her have a go at washing herself, provide loads of bath time toys, etc.

Go for it with cossie - if she is clean what does it matter. Shower can also be easier I used to do that and hand over to DH to finish her off while I finished. Also I used a tub rather than a baby bath - so DD sat with legs folded up in a foetal like position (obv head up) and she used to like that as it felt contained - I loved it as you could do anywhere and not much water really required - in the summer just used to do in garden

We switched to showers for my DD & let her spray herself & soap herself & thankfully it did the trick, slowly introduced her back to the bath with her favourite dolls so she could wash them too & now she really enjoys it - good luck

@navisprite I haven't rtft, but just wanted to add some support. My DD COMPLETELY freaked out with baths at that age and had eczema when she was very little, so we only did one bath a week max to minimise stress (for both of us & her skin). She's now 7 & I have to drag her out of the shower, she's still not a fan of washing her hair (our buggest issue by a long shot) but it does get better. So long as she's clean there's no need for an actual bath, so perhaps just leave it for a bit so she can forget the fear? Also, yanbu to let her try with a swimsuit, anything to make life easier & with twins I can only imagine how tricky that must be! Xx

I would try the shower, and possibly you getting in with her and holding her in your arms. Put the shower head low enough not to get her face wet. My mum used to give me a dry flannel to hold over my face while she washed my hair. It made me feel like I could protect myself from the dreaded soap in the eyes.

I hated getting my face wet as a child and I still do. I remember alot of screaming and crying especially when I was at my grandmother's who forced me into the bath no matter what. My mom had the bright idea to cover my head with a towel so I could sit in the shower like some ridiculous wet ghost. I had my head tilted so the water would run off the towel in front of my face and my face wouldn't get wet at all. Nowadays people would probably scream bloody murder at putting a towel on a child's head, and I probably would too. But she never left me alone and it worked! No more drama, no more tantrums.

Point is, if it's going to help you and help her, just go with it until she feels more comfortable! In the long run, it really doesn't matter if she wasn't squeaky clean those few times in her life.

I never really bathed my younger 2 they just had a quick shower with me or DH. 2 minutes or less in and out.

If you are on Facebook do join the ‘Britain's parents of twins’ page. My daughter has two year old twins (who love the bath so no advice, sorry) but it is such a helpful group.

Let her wear it for sure!

Sorry if this has been said (but I doubt it has!) I think it's kleeneze do a gadget which is a suction for your shower head. I love it because at 4ft 10 riser rails are put too bloody high up for me. A VERY happy side effect is that our lb will have a shower now using it too! As for washing his hair (9 years old, albeit Sen still hates hair washing 🙄🤪🤪🤪) I lay him down in the shower tray. Because that way I can keep his face completely dry. WIN WIN!!!!

OMG stop pandering to her or everything will be a battle, start how you mean to go on, she does as shes told. You are the parent.

Maybe reward her after a bath with a "special yogurt" or something, but that's it.

My dd was exactly the same when she was tiny. I got so stressed out over bath times, but now aged 10 I can’t get her out of the bath. So hang in there, you are doing an amazing job. Do whatever you have to do to get through and know this phase will pass. You’ve got this!! X

Are you a parent @ton181? Because ignoring fear and rewarding with food are both atrocious pieces of advice!

OP, my DD went through a phase of this - not as long-lasting as yours. A non-slip mat helped. We let her play in the empty bath fully clothed, then undressed her in the bath and let her play just in a nappy, then ran the tap, then let the water fill up to her ankles, then took off her nappy, then left the tap running so it filled up around her etc etc, over a period of about a week and that really helped. Leaving the tap running was the key, just a dribble - it gave her something to be distracted by. Good luck!

Totally fine -
My DD went through a stage of wanting to keep her t shirt on in the bath!

Random but ok!

Ds3 was exactly the same. Turns out he hates normal temperature water and bubbles- now has just tepid baths (so cold that its barely above room temperature, so odd!) with no froth and it's fine. Baths are pretty short because otherwise he'd freeze but at least he's clean!

Do you have a mixer tap? Or shower over bath? Get the temp mild, start it running let her play with the water e.g. tupperware, empty shampoo bottles, fave toy, then pop the plug in. She will be distracted playing with the running water and meanwhile you can sponge or flannel her down with the few inches of water in the bath. Or if she really won't tolerate any depth of water, don't bother with the plug and just use the running water.

Do they need a bath?
Can you not just top and tail them most days and have a fortnightly shower?

Im afraid i would bathe daily together until she just gets over it. Why are you pandering to a child?

I love the comment about wiping dinner in hair what a fool my nearly 4 year old twins still get messy at meal times and they are not retards mealtimes are fun end of plus twins are hard work at meal times compared to one child and at two years old most kids will still get messy enjoying their food why put the pressure on mealtimes being clean enjoying what they are eating is a far better outlook. Mine are have fajitas tonight they will make their own like their older siblings guess what there will be mess hahahaha

On the bath thing no real suggestions but I do bathe my two together always have I got two bath mats and have everything to hand I need I only bathe them every second day have you tried bubbles or coloured baths like the ones lush sell. Good luck hope you find something that works