WIBU to put DD in her swimming costume for baths

[NaviSprite]

Mum of Twins here DD and DS turn 2 next Monday.

DS is fine in the bath, except trying to find any way to climb out of it, he usually stays put just enough to get him cleaned properly.

DD however HATES the bath, she always has, the minute she feels the water against her she starts to cry, full on plaintive wailing and me and DH have tried everything we can think of as follows:

• Baby bath for a bit longer (she never liked the baby bath either so not much of a comfort for her)
  
• Baby bath in big bath.
  
• Me in bath with her
  
• DH in bath with her
  
• Toys in bath (that we let her choose)
  
• Letting her play with the water before putting her in.
  
• Lots of water play outside of the bathroom to get her more comfortable with water in general.
  
• Only putting the bare minimum of water into the bath so she’s not too immersed (she had breathing difficulties as a baby and I realised that fully sitting her in water distressed her).
  

-Bathing her in the Kitchen sink instead (in case the size of the bath or the slightly unfamiliar environment of the bathroom was frightening her).

We’ve being going at the slow, steady, fun, relaxed approaches for months and it’s the same every time, the moment her bottom hits the water she panics. Even if I sit her on me so she’s not in direct contact with the water, she panics.

My Mum recently bought her a swimming costume which DD hasn’t worn yet but she carries it everywhere like a blanket because she really likes it. DH thinks putting her in a swimming costume for a bath is a bit counterproductive as it won’t mean she’s fully washed, but as I’m usually the one who has to bathe the twins I’m the one who has to handle her obvious fear of it each time! (Not because DH doesn’t want to bathe them but during the weekdays he’s at work and usually I’ve had to get them in the bath before he gets home).

Is it worth trying to see if having that bit of a barrier between herself and the water helps?

Has anybody else any experience of a baby/toddler who seems to be terrified of bathing no matter what you do? I’m hoping that as she grows and her language develops a little bit more (she’s not yet able to talk except the odd phrase/word here or there, it’s still sentence like babbling) that she’ll get past her fear.

I now find myself dreading bathing her, but she’s in that incredibly messy phase of wiping her dinner all over herself (especially her hair!) so I can’t just do her a wash down as a compromise anymore.

I haven’t tried bathing both at the same time yet as I can barely manage to keep DS in place and don’t think I could safely have them both in there without DH to help wrangle them.

Sorry for the long winded moan about bathing a toddler - I’m having a bit of a stressful week and in the lead up to bath time this evening (and my period kicking in today) I’m feeling a little neurotic I guess?

[TriciaH87]

Bath was empty I might add

[TriciaH87]

Are you sure it's not the bath she's scared of. My niece hated baths until I sat her in it fully clothed with her two sisters. Made a game of it they were on a bus a c had to lean to the left to turn left n to the right to turn right. Also taught her directions. Has she been swimming before if not take her and put her in her costume see how she is with water there. If she's OK try the showers. This will tell you if it's the bath or a sensory issue. Look up dyspraxia as my eldest had issues with the temperature it had to be what I would consider cold for a baby for him to be OK in it. If the costume works mind I would give it a shot in the mean time and see if helps overcome any potential fear.

[NaviSprite]

Thank you to all who offered alternative solutions, it means a lot and we braved the shower today, it wasn’t a complete success, but she wasn’t nearly as hysterical, so it’s an improvement so far, I did put her in the bathing costume, but it turns out, she doesn’t like wearing it! So instead I let her hold onto it and put her in the bathroom with toys, bathed DS (today he decided that he wanted to play outside in the mud - which he is fascinated by), she watched but with her “i’m still not doing it Mummy” face.

She then got to play with the shower head (bought one that goes on the taps as PP’s suggested) I switched it off and on as a game and she seemed to enjoy it, managed to do that on the floor of the bathroom (lots of towels on the floor) and I managed to clean her quickly (we had some crying but nowhere near the fear induced hyperventilating that baths caused).

As she is being assessed for sensory issues/aversions I avoided her face and head as suggested here and did a sponge down to wash her hair which she seemed to like. Thank you all again.

And to any who think I’m pandering, maybe you didn’t read the full thread, but I had mentioned DD was premature and very low birth weight, contracted bronchiolitis in NICU which lead to a lung collapse. This resulted in her being on oxygen for the first year of her life. So if I need to pander to spare me the sight of her truly hyperventilating, which if she does too long will likely result in a call to the emergency services, then I shall pander away, she’s only two FGS.

[Happyandglorious]

Hi Op, my daughter was similarly terrified of baths at that age -her fear was related to hair washes. She bathed in a paddling pool for months (we live in hot country)
I would try swimsuit -to get her more relaxed in water. Also bath toys and water crayons. Anything that will make it more about play and less about water. Good luck

[manicmij]

Give the costume a try. You don't need to be scrubbing at 2 year olds anyway just sitting in the water will suffice. Could you get a plastic doll and put a bathing costume on that for DD to take in the bath with her. Sometimes a similar companion helps with confidence. Or, if happier sitting in the shower. Good luck.

[Poppinjay]

OMG stop pandering to her or everything will be a battle, start how you mean to go on, she does as shes told. You are the parent.

Being a parent doesn't mean you should terrorise your child just so you can say you're in charge.

Taking a different approach to help a child in a situation that makes them fearful is nothing to do with behaviour management. A capable parent can have firm boundaries without forcing their child into situations that terrify them.

[jwpetal]

Do what you need to do and if dh doesn’t like it, have him do it. I had 1 + 2(premature) and survival is key. My son wore lightening McQueen pyjamas for weeks. Didn’t hurt anyone and we got out of the house. He is 12 now and no longer wears them. Those were the hardest days so be kind to yourself

[CottonSock]

My dd had a phase like this, a tiny bit older. We tried taking her to her friends house for a bath with her (they were very close). Worked like a dream.

[Therarestone]

Definitely try the swimming costume.

I used to put the tablet on the side so she could watch postman pat while she was in the bath which distracted her x

[RolytheRhino]

Why are you pandering to a child?

Because children and their feelings matter? Because sensory issues do actually exist and cause real distress to those that have them?
Because you an adult not understanding an emotion doesn't make it any less real to the child?

[Kayagh]

On the bath thing no real suggestions but I do bathe my two together always have I got two bath mats and have everything to hand I need I only bathe them every second day have you tried bubbles or coloured baths like the ones lush sell. Good luck hope you find something that works

[Kayagh]

I love the comment about wiping dinner in hair what a fool my nearly 4 year old twins still get messy at meal times and they are not retards mealtimes are fun end of plus twins are hard work at meal times compared to one child and at two years old most kids will still get messy enjoying their food why put the pressure on mealtimes being clean enjoying what they are eating is a far better outlook. Mine are have fajitas tonight they will make their own like their older siblings guess what there will be mess hahahaha

[Jeeperscreepers69]

Im afraid i would bathe daily together until she just gets over it. Why are you pandering to a child?

[savingshoes]

Do they need a bath?
Can you not just top and tail them most days and have a fortnightly shower?

[Preggosaurus9]

Do you have a mixer tap? Or shower over bath? Get the temp mild, start it running let her play with the water e.g. tupperware, empty shampoo bottles, fave toy, then pop the plug in. She will be distracted playing with the running water and meanwhile you can sponge or flannel her down with the few inches of water in the bath. Or if she really won't tolerate any depth of water, don't bother with the plug and just use the running water.

[OldMotherHubbardsBigBottom]

Ds3 was exactly the same. Turns out he hates normal temperature water and bubbles- now has just tepid baths (so cold that its barely above room temperature, so odd!) with no froth and it's fine. Baths are pretty short because otherwise he'd freeze but at least he's clean!

[snackarella]

Totally fine -
My DD went through a stage of wanting to keep her t shirt on in the bath!

Random but ok!

[peachgreen]

Are you a parent @ton181? Because ignoring fear and rewarding with food are both atrocious pieces of advice!

OP, my DD went through a phase of this - not as long-lasting as yours. A non-slip mat helped. We let her play in the empty bath fully clothed, then undressed her in the bath and let her play just in a nappy, then ran the tap, then let the water fill up to her ankles, then took off her nappy, then left the tap running so it filled up around her etc etc, over a period of about a week and that really helped. Leaving the tap running was the key, just a dribble - it gave her something to be distracted by. Good luck!

[88Chelle]

My dd was exactly the same when she was tiny. I got so stressed out over bath times, but now aged 10 I can’t get her out of the bath. So hang in there, you are doing an amazing job. Do whatever you have to do to get through and know this phase will pass. You’ve got this!! X

[ton181]

OMG stop pandering to her or everything will be a battle, start how you mean to go on, she does as shes told. You are the parent.

Maybe reward her after a bath with a "special yogurt" or something, but that's it.

[leighb23]

Sorry if this has been said (but I doubt it has!) I think it's kleeneze do a gadget which is a suction for your shower head. I love it because at 4ft 10 riser rails are put too bloody high up for me. A VERY happy side effect is that our lb will have a shower now using it too! As for washing his hair (9 years old, albeit Sen still hates hair washing 🙄🤪🤪🤪) I lay him down in the shower tray. Because that way I can keep his face completely dry. WIN WIN!!!!

[FlossyChick]

Let her wear it for sure!

[SandwhichGenerationGal]

If you are on Facebook do join the ‘Britain's parents of twins’ page. My daughter has two year old twins (who love the bath so no advice, sorry) but it is such a helpful group.

[Numptydumptycat]

I never really bathed my younger 2 they just had a quick shower with me or DH. 2 minutes or less in and out.

[Nixee2231]

I hated getting my face wet as a child and I still do. I remember alot of screaming and crying especially when I was at my grandmother's who forced me into the bath no matter what. My mom had the bright idea to cover my head with a towel so I could sit in the shower like some ridiculous wet ghost. I had my head tilted so the water would run off the towel in front of my face and my face wouldn't get wet at all. Nowadays people would probably scream bloody murder at putting a towel on a child's head, and I probably would too. But she never left me alone and it worked! No more drama, no more tantrums.

Point is, if it's going to help you and help her, just go with it until she feels more comfortable! In the long run, it really doesn't matter if she wasn't squeaky clean those few times in her life.