WIBU to put DD in her swimming costume for baths

[NaviSprite]

Mum of Twins here DD and DS turn 2 next Monday.

DS is fine in the bath, except trying to find any way to climb out of it, he usually stays put just enough to get him cleaned properly.

DD however HATES the bath, she always has, the minute she feels the water against her she starts to cry, full on plaintive wailing and me and DH have tried everything we can think of as follows:

• Baby bath for a bit longer (she never liked the baby bath either so not much of a comfort for her)
  
• Baby bath in big bath.
  
• Me in bath with her
  
• DH in bath with her
  
• Toys in bath (that we let her choose)
  
• Letting her play with the water before putting her in.
  
• Lots of water play outside of the bathroom to get her more comfortable with water in general.
  
• Only putting the bare minimum of water into the bath so she’s not too immersed (she had breathing difficulties as a baby and I realised that fully sitting her in water distressed her).
  

-Bathing her in the Kitchen sink instead (in case the size of the bath or the slightly unfamiliar environment of the bathroom was frightening her).

We’ve being going at the slow, steady, fun, relaxed approaches for months and it’s the same every time, the moment her bottom hits the water she panics. Even if I sit her on me so she’s not in direct contact with the water, she panics.

My Mum recently bought her a swimming costume which DD hasn’t worn yet but she carries it everywhere like a blanket because she really likes it. DH thinks putting her in a swimming costume for a bath is a bit counterproductive as it won’t mean she’s fully washed, but as I’m usually the one who has to bathe the twins I’m the one who has to handle her obvious fear of it each time! (Not because DH doesn’t want to bathe them but during the weekdays he’s at work and usually I’ve had to get them in the bath before he gets home).

Is it worth trying to see if having that bit of a barrier between herself and the water helps?

Has anybody else any experience of a baby/toddler who seems to be terrified of bathing no matter what you do? I’m hoping that as she grows and her language develops a little bit more (she’s not yet able to talk except the odd phrase/word here or there, it’s still sentence like babbling) that she’ll get past her fear.

I now find myself dreading bathing her, but she’s in that incredibly messy phase of wiping her dinner all over herself (especially her hair!) so I can’t just do her a wash down as a compromise anymore.

I haven’t tried bathing both at the same time yet as I can barely manage to keep DS in place and don’t think I could safely have them both in there without DH to help wrangle them.

Sorry for the long winded moan about bathing a toddler - I’m having a bit of a stressful week and in the lead up to bath time this evening (and my period kicking in today) I’m feeling a little neurotic I guess?

[ememem84]

Gofor it. Whatever works right?

Ds would not sit in the bath. He’s two. And it has only been this week he’s actually done it. No idea why.

He was fine with standing up and washing though. Just didn’t like sitting down. He also pressed the shower button and switched it on this week. Scared himself a bit....

[Purpleartichoke]

We never did baths anywhere close to bedtime. I’ve never understood how people make it part of the routine either. They were so Far from relaxing for My Dd. Sometimes I ended up in tears.

Thankfully she is 10 now so we just tell her she is due for a shower and she takes care of it herself. So these rough days will pass.

[FrogFairy]

DS hated bathing as a young baby. I used to sit him on my lap wrapped in a fluffy towel and used a top & tail bowl to wash one limb at a time. Then run a damp flannel over his hair. I think he just felt more secure being wrapped up in the towel and held in my arms rather than sat naked in a bath.

[willitbe]

One thing that has not been mentioned is the temperature of the water. I had my oldest screaming about baths for years, but he would go in the swimming pool. It made no sense. That was until we realised that he had sensory issues and that the temperature of the water was a problem, For him what for most would be nice comfortable temperature to bathe in, for him felt like it was scalding him. Even now as a hulking teen he hates the feel of water on his skin and will only shower in cool water. Luke warm water is too hot for him!

I would suggest trying have her play with water of different temperatures, and see if she is happier with one temperature than another. Bathing a toy doll, in cool water, vs bathing the toy doll in warm water. Bubbles in cool and warm water.... I would say yes to using the bathing costume in the bath if it works, or in the shower, anything to get water being fun. Then the cleaning can come afterwards naturally. Pick your battles as long as she is clean, baths and showers can come later.

[LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses]

DS always hated baths from birth. As he got bigger we did try to make him on the grounds (as someone said above) that it's one of those non-negotiable things, but we gave up on that as it took two of us to catch him and hold him in the bath while he screamed, cried and thrashed. It was truly awful. He hates showers even more.

My worry was that he was going to end up hurting himself (or us).

He has slowly got better, though it takes a LOT of bubbles now to make it palatable for him, and he still hates having his hair washed. We went through a phase of just washing him with a flannel and a couple of bowls of warm water. He still gets more wipe downs than actual baths.

That's probably not overly helpful OP! I'd say you're doing the right things, it just might take time.

[Stuckinarut81]

My dd2 had a stage of this for around 6 months when she was 2. The only way I could wash her was to stand her in her shallow paddling pool outside, and sponge her down. Not ideal at this time of year though!

[bridgetreilly]

Take her into the shower with you a couple of times first, then try her in there on her own, supervised, obviously. And then, if you have a shower head in the bath, let her use that instead of running a bath.

The swimming costume isn't a good long term solution, so I'd really make that a last resort.

[NaviSprite]

Water temperature doesn’t seem to be an issue as we explored that first - also the whole shhing calming, music etc didn’t work, these were our first go to’s when she was a small baby and we have tried them intermittently since, we have to be careful about extended crying because she will hyperventilate and as I mentioned previously, her lungs are rather fragile.

I don’t think anybody has suggested anything that’s an intervention per se, rather different methods of approach to try and ease the situation somewhat

I don’t do baths just before their bedtime, usually it’s in the late afternoon (as and when required) because it became apparent pretty quickly that it wasn’t in any way soothing for either of them. DD because of her dislike of bathing and DS because he gets really excited in the bath (he loves it haha).

Thank you for suggestions and for the links to toys and sensory calming tools we might be able to try like with everything I’m confident we’ll get there with her eventually, so long as she’s cleaned up I’ll find the least traumatic way to do that going forward and assess if there’s additional support from a sensory perspective after her next visit to the hospital in December.

I introduced her to the shower this afternoon (outside of the bath) and showed her it switched on, she reached out and happily played with the slow stream and even braved putting her head under it slightly and giggled a fair bit so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that’s the way forward for her.

[Autumnfresh]

My neighbours daughter used to scream blue murder and I often wondered why she bathed her every single night. Just do it once a week. Bribe her with tv afterwards. Won’t make her like baths but reduces unnecessary stress.

[Poppinjay]

It sounds like the shower could be a great solution for a while.

My worry about the advice to push on with bathing her is that it could reinforce her fear and escalate the problem. A slippery, upset child in a bath of water is too likely to result in a dunking or a banged head.

Seeing other people enjoying g something that makes them fearful and being exposed to it in very small doses, in ways that feel safe and fun, is generally the best approach.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

My youngest hated baths but loves the shower

[MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA]

Brilliant news about the shower op.

[Notrobusta]

I had a friend who’s daughter was like this and they put her in the bath in her nappy as at nursery she loved water play so they suggested trying to replicate this . It seemed to work

[Bellringer]

Water too hot or cold?

[Thegracefuloctopus]

I would try bathing them together. Wait till someone is with you incase it fails but considering theyre twins, she may find comfort in him being in the same situation and he may not climb out as quickly. It also may fail mind!
In answer to your question, put her in the costume!! If you're worried what people will think just don't tell them!

[Irishgurl]

One of mine would go in a really lukewarm (almost cold) bath but hated the warm water. We also ended up putting a paddling pool outside, washing him in it with bubbles and then lifting him back inside for pyjamas. Yep, he was the PFB ! Much harder with two wriggly little ones so I hope something works for you.

[Irishgurl]

And obviously it was Summer when we did the paddling pool.

[PigletJohn]

I'd try the shower, but move the head, or get a lower fitting, so it will not spray in her face, wich may be alarming.

A little plastic chair may help. You can also get a folding/flip-down seat, as often used by disabled people. You will want it low enough that she can't slip off and hurt herself. They need to be screwed into a brick wall, or studs in a hollow one, and the screw-holes sealed with silicone to prevent water getting into the wall. Avoid hidden pipes. Ceramic tiles need a special drill. Porcelain tiles are very difficult.

If you have to get someone in to fix it, ask them to put some spare fixing holes six inches or so above, as she will grow before you know it.

some folding shower seats

You can fit stainless grab rails as well, they are surprisingly inexpensive and can also be used as towel rails.

I recommend stainless screws in bathrooms or you may get rust staining.

[PatMustardsMoustache]

A paddling pool in the shower?

[MinTheMinx]

Is it because she doesn't like having water splashed in her face? I still remember the terror of the possibility of that happening at bath time (and even worse the fear of my dad giving me a bath because he thought it was funny to pour water over my head to 'toughen' me up).

Also, watching cartoons where the characters swim under the water would've made it worse because I'd have thought I was expected to do the same! I'd definitely go with the sponge downs, while her brother is having fun (maybe with some new toys) in the bath. Don't comment or make a 'thing' about it and she might decide to join in at some point.

[DanglyTasselsOfThigh]

It was a bit problematic ..Galop but we were coping until today 😥

[Hmmmm2018]

Both mine disliked baths and showers, one until she was about 2.5, the other hated them until 3.5 and at 4.5 just about tolerates a bath but won't go anywhere near a shower and the screams coming from our house on hair wash night (when a tiny trickle of water gets on her forehead) must make the neighbours think we are killing her. No great advice, but sympathy as I know the pain. Fewer baths, so less stress for all. One of mine was a bit better if in the bath with a friend, so maybe if twins in together it would help?

[Wheat2Harvest]

Take the shower head down so it's not on her face and wash her down.

Stick a picture of Peppa Pig or Frozen or whatever she's into on the shower head. It might work. Or it might not.

[Tunnocks34]

My three year old was always terrified of water, and still is really. He won’t sit down in the bath but he will let me wash him off when he’s stood up. He just has a cry when I wash his hair!

[VenusTiger]

Try the shower OP, shower head sitting in the tray and get a soapy baby sponge. Expect to get wet.
My DS6 point blank refused baths for about 6 months straight after having had a bad experience at a swimming lesson.
It takes a while for them to forget any bad experience.