WIBU to put DD in her swimming costume for baths

[NaviSprite]

Mum of Twins here DD and DS turn 2 next Monday.

DS is fine in the bath, except trying to find any way to climb out of it, he usually stays put just enough to get him cleaned properly.

DD however HATES the bath, she always has, the minute she feels the water against her she starts to cry, full on plaintive wailing and me and DH have tried everything we can think of as follows:

• Baby bath for a bit longer (she never liked the baby bath either so not much of a comfort for her)
  
• Baby bath in big bath.
  
• Me in bath with her
  
• DH in bath with her
  
• Toys in bath (that we let her choose)
  
• Letting her play with the water before putting her in.
  
• Lots of water play outside of the bathroom to get her more comfortable with water in general.
  
• Only putting the bare minimum of water into the bath so she’s not too immersed (she had breathing difficulties as a baby and I realised that fully sitting her in water distressed her).
  

-Bathing her in the Kitchen sink instead (in case the size of the bath or the slightly unfamiliar environment of the bathroom was frightening her).

We’ve being going at the slow, steady, fun, relaxed approaches for months and it’s the same every time, the moment her bottom hits the water she panics. Even if I sit her on me so she’s not in direct contact with the water, she panics.

My Mum recently bought her a swimming costume which DD hasn’t worn yet but she carries it everywhere like a blanket because she really likes it. DH thinks putting her in a swimming costume for a bath is a bit counterproductive as it won’t mean she’s fully washed, but as I’m usually the one who has to bathe the twins I’m the one who has to handle her obvious fear of it each time! (Not because DH doesn’t want to bathe them but during the weekdays he’s at work and usually I’ve had to get them in the bath before he gets home).

Is it worth trying to see if having that bit of a barrier between herself and the water helps?

Has anybody else any experience of a baby/toddler who seems to be terrified of bathing no matter what you do? I’m hoping that as she grows and her language develops a little bit more (she’s not yet able to talk except the odd phrase/word here or there, it’s still sentence like babbling) that she’ll get past her fear.

I now find myself dreading bathing her, but she’s in that incredibly messy phase of wiping her dinner all over herself (especially her hair!) so I can’t just do her a wash down as a compromise anymore.

I haven’t tried bathing both at the same time yet as I can barely manage to keep DS in place and don’t think I could safely have them both in there without DH to help wrangle them.

Sorry for the long winded moan about bathing a toddler - I’m having a bit of a stressful week and in the lead up to bath time this evening (and my period kicking in today) I’m feeling a little neurotic I guess?

[MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA]

OP, you say that both of your children are going through some delays, that could very well be the reason behind the water problem. There is a real chance it could be linked to the sensory system. My nephews both have sensory delays and lately we have been doing a lot of courses and studying about sensopry processing issues. One of my nephews hates water on his head from the shower but loves being in still water, he also hates his teeth being brushed and anything being in his mouth ....including food! he now only eats three items on rotation. Aldi pizza, cheese in a wrap and chocolate pillows.

We found an excellent book is this one . It breaks it down into questions instead of chapter and offers solutions, im pretty sure one of them is "my child hates the bath/shower" and it tells you WHY and then what you can do to try and ease them into it and prevent sensory overload. www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Your-Childs-Sensory-Signals/dp/1466263539/ref=sr_1_3?rnid=1642204031&s=books&keywords=sensory%20book&qid=1571405087&sr=1-3&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21.

You could also do with a basic book/website that explains sensory processing and how it links to delayed verbal development. A good book will cover all forms of input such as proprioception, vestibular etc and will help you to break them down and realise how each one can work in your favour but crucially how they can also work against you. My eldest nephew was put on a sensory routine of 15 minutes ripping cardboard up for the recycling, carrying heavy books and then arm wrestling and just that input wakes up his arms and hands enough to be able to do a few lines of writing. Before that he could barely even sit in his chair and write his name without having a melt down. This website is a good one. www.spdstar.org/basic/your-8-senses

And as for the swim suit, do whatever you need to to get her through it and keep her as happy as possible. All too often people force the little kids into things that to us are trivial but for kids that may have sensory issues it can actually be physically painful.

[endofthelinefinally]

My dd went through a phase of this. I just used to lay her on a big, thick towel on the floor and do a sponge bath using a bowl of water. Exactly like we used to do bed baths in hospital. Much easier and no tears.

[NaviSprite]

I’m so glad I’m not alone with this one, I have always been so conscious with the difference between my DD and DS with their peers because of their circumstances that it’s hard for me to sometimes see that some phases or situations are actually normal whether a child was premature/low weight at birth or not!

It’s actually really heartening to know this is actually regular parenting dilemma and not another thing I’ve got to try and get them ‘caught up’ on - I may have just had a little cry of relief reading your replies

I have taken a note of every idea we haven’t tried yet and I’m hoping some of them work. Shower I think is my first go to (can’t believe I didn’t even consider showering her).

I love the idea of glow sticks too as DS is very interested in lights so it might be a trick to keep him from wriggling about so much!

As they approach their second birthday they’ve started fighting back on almost everything (especially bedtime) but this one issue has always been a problem for DD so it stuck out and has made me worry so much.

[Milkstick]

Your DH might be a bit opposed but we never did baths that frequently, they just weren't necessary. DC mostly has showers now but still not that frequently. We also don't use shampoo because he hates it. He has longish blonde hair and you'd never know to look at him. It's just not that important when they're tiny. Use a flannel for a good wash, standing up naked is fine. Saves water, time, stress. After a while she might get jealous of her bro having a bath, but just ease right off for a while. We had to do this with teeth brushing and it took an iron will to just stop completely, but we did it and we started from scratch. We also have a system with teeth here where he controls how long I'm allowed to brush for. It gives them control. As long as she's clean one way or another, it doesn't matter how.

[Caledoniahasmyheartforever]

I would try some sensory play to get her used to water, so a basin of water full of toys, cups, funnels to play with, splash in. When it’s raining, I would put wellies on and take her out and splash in puddles. For washing, a sponge or flannel with soap on and a quick wash. Let her play with the sponge too.

My children are autistic (as am I) and both have had sensory issues, although more so around water getting in their face/ eyes. With a phobia, (my son had a phobia of fruit and old people) our sons psychologist had us use graded integration- so lots of books with drawings of their fear, then books with photos, then watching children’s programs with children having fun say in a paddling pool/ bath/ swimming pool Then puddling in water for play but not related to the bath. A watering can to water flowers would be another fun way to integrate water in play. Then take the toys from the basin and put them in the basin next to the bath, then in the basin in the bath, with your dd sat fully dressed next to the basin, then undressed with the basin and toys, then hopefully, in the bath with the toys (no basin).

It worked for my ds and he no longer has either phobia. Which is fantastic as it really made life difficult for ds and us as a family!

[gospelsinger]

Has she been swimming yet? If yes and she likes it, then you could give the costume a go in the bath. If no, then I wouldn't try the swimming costume in bath as it would be more likely to put her off swimming.

Maybe try and take her swimming to a pool where she could walk into gradually. Don't put any pressure on her to get in the water. If you end up going home and she's not even put her toe in the water, that's fine. She will have seen people having fun in the water.

[WhoCaresWins01]

Just let her stand i. Tbe bath and wash her down. My autistic dc hated the bath but loved the swimming pool!!! Took years of standing before one day he sat in the bath.

[SunniDay]

If your daughter likes to carry the swimming costume about why not let her just carry it into the bath instead of wearing it and see if it offers her a comfort. I'm sure it's nothing you haven't tried but I would persevere with sitting her in a shallow bath and trying to distract her with toys. What about similar to a previous poster) an empty bath and then pour a few warm jugs over her from the sink (lower than head level) / give her a soapy washing up bowl of water to play with in the bath to try and de-sensitise the fear.

If she hates having her hair washed or rinsed I wouldn't bother - just rub her hair with a well squeezed out flannel of bath water (that has a spot of bubbles in it). You don't want to add any negative experiences to her anxiety.

good luck

[Nat6999]

Have you thought of buying her a doll's baby bath & a doll that can be bathed? Let her bath her doll, dry her & put her in her pyjamas every night, so that dolly is clean & ready for bed, to try to help her understand about baths, let her be mummy.

[AJPTaylor]

Eldest dd hated baths.
I would stop if I were you. Just wash her with a flannel. At some point she will demand a bath! Dd1 she was about 2.5 when she suddenly was just fine.

[NaviSprite]

I’ve always believed that bathing every day wasn’t necessary for them because it’s important for their skin to develop a healthy microbiome so before it was twice a week mainly to get them used to bathing.

Since their development has improved and they’re more mobile they are getting dirty a heck of a lot more - they love messy play and their Paediatrician recommended I do this with them as often as possible so we can assess for any type of sensory needs. I’m constantly cleaning the house/myself and them as a result but I’ve been given a schedule of what to try between their last Paediatrician assessment and their next one in December and how long to continue exposure to certain types of play/textures/levels of messiness (as well as sound sensory activities and light sensory activities).

DD loves playing with water, she enjoys rain and splashing puddles (with her hands as neither of them are walking yet) she finds it hilarious if she picks up her water cup and drops it all down her front - so I don’t know that it’s a full fear of water - just the element of controlling what happens when she is exposed to it (if that makes any sense?)

I’ve been advised not to take DD swimming until she’s 3 as her early life had a lot of complications with her lungs (bronchiolitis when she was in NICU lead to her right lung collapsing resulting in her needing CPAP and oxygen up until her first birthday) and the added pressure of full emmersion in water could affect her breathing quite badly (as it did for me when I was a child with severe asthma) - I hope that when I’m given the all clear for her to try swimming this might help (or might not, but I will at least get to try with her).

I make sure not to overstress her about baths - so I’m hoping some of the additional suggestions here will help me turn it around in some way so that she can enjoy them eventually. Even if we have to settle for sponge washing for now, I can then at least say I’ve given it my best shot for her and for me

[Vampyress]

I think whatever you need to do mummy bear will be good enough and there won't be any harm in her bathing in a swimming costume. Our lady parts don't need soaping and infact it's not good to soap them. A nice soak in a bubble bath will be perfectly fine for a wee girl given she no doubt gets wiped during nappy changes too.

[Mrsjayy]

Oh they sound lovely twins sound bloody exhausting I take my hat of to mums of multiples I really do you are doing a grand job

[separatebeds]

what about standing in empty bath and washing her from a bucket of bubbly water and a flannel?

[Bluerussian]

I think it's a good idea, water and suds will go through the costume and you can move in and out with a flannel or sponge. She might enjoy a shower too.

Your description of your daughter carrying the bathing costume around with her is really sweet.

[sashh]

As well as trying the shower, try taking her in the shower with you so she is off the ground.

Do they have any water play toys? I'm thinking a washing up bowl with warm water and toys (and something to make suds) in the middle of the bath with one twin at either side.

No pressure to do anything, not even to get undressed, as they play get them to take off wet clothes.

I have a bluetooth controlled combined light / speaker in my bathroom. So I can play music and have the lights changer colour and pulse in time to the music.It might be worth a try, you can get them for about £10.

www.amazon.co.uk/iLC-Changing-Controlled-Multi-Color-Equivalent/dp/B07PT8QH7J/ref=sr_1_23?smid=ASYC0WZBA5NIH&crid=2069SXNZFEOIB&keywords=light%20bulb%20speaker%20bluetooth&sprefix=light%20bulb%20speaker%2Caps%2C167&qid=1571408308&sr=8-23&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[INeedNewShoes]

DD developed a fear of the bath after a very low level incident (I can't even remember what!). I bought her a corolle bath doll which I did role play with, putting doll in the bath and washing her, then getting DD to do doll's bathtime (from outside the bath). I made sure the doll had fun playing with duck/boat toys etc. but all quite gentle. Then eventually DD got in the bath with the doll. It wasn't a magical cure but definitely helped. She's still a bit funny about hair washing so we wash all the ducks 'hair' and the doll first and actually just recently DD will pour water over her own head.

I completely agree with you OP about trying to avoid stress/pressure around the situation.

[WhereDidTheOddSockGo]

Rather than put the swimming costume on for the bath, would she go in wearing her normal clothes? Play about a bit and just remove one item of clothing at a time as she gets comfortable. Whip nappy off beforehand if they're not toilet trained yet obviously!
No use if you have nowhere to dry her soaking clothes after bath time though!

[SeaToSki]

You can get shower attachments that go over the bath taps. She could hold it herself and they ate usually made if soft plastic, so not so much of a problem if she drops it. You can also reduce the pressure by only turning the taps half on, so it doesn't potentially sting her skin.

You might be able to find one with a pause button, so she can turn it off and on when she wants to... Great for toddlers that want to control their own environment.

[Poppinjay]

You need to forget about using the bath to get her clean for a while.

Carry on with washing her down elsewhere. All that matters is that she's getting clean somehow.

Use the bath in different ways and don't be tempted to get her into it with water in for a good long time.

Don't try to get her to get in the bath but put things in there she might want. Maybe some new toys and let her brother play with them in the bath without water.

Play with bubbles and other lovely things while her brother is in the bath so she feels happy and secure around it.

Putting the paddling pool in the living room is a great idea. We used the kitchen sink in a similar way.

If you can get her playing in the bath without water, that's a huge step forward. Do it lots of times to really consolidate those feelings of safety.

Don't push it, don't try to trick her and don't try to bribe her. She will get over it eventually.

[mommybear1]

Definitely go with the shower OP and good luck I wouldn't necessarily give her the shower head though - My DS hated baths from the get go I got lots of disapproval from family (mainly MIL) that I didn't have him in a nice bath and bed routine. I got desperate when he was about 7 weeks old and took him in the shower with me - loved it - he's turning 2 on Sunday and still showers everyday he has gone swimming with no issue but still not a fan of baths - I think it's like grown ups some prefer baths others showers. I dont trust mine with the shower head though have give it to him on occasion - we have a wet room - Yish the mess was unbelievable . Best of luck!

[Drum2018]

Use a facecloth to wash her instead. Strip her down in stages - so wash her upper half first, dry her off and put on her top, then do the bottom half. All you need is a bowl of warm water, a bar of soap and the facecloth. It would take a lot less time than fussing with a bath or shower and be a lot less stressful and use a lot less water. No child needs a bath every day. Ds is 8 and showers at most twice a week and would use a facecloth to wash inbetween if necessary.

[Whyismycatanasshat]

My dad is 9 months and has had maybe 6 baths. she has a shower sitting in a fabric net bath chair and loves it. Bathing a screaming, rigid and bright red week old post c section was too much for me. Turned the shower on and never looked back.

[Jellybeansincognito]

Isn’t all this intervention just creating more of an issue? None of that is offering comfort at all, just distraction.

As a parent there’s many situations where your kids will scream through something essential like a nappy change or getting dressed, you can’t avoid everything and distraction only does so much.

Gentle calming music, lighting and you shhing her and talking to her calmly whilst pretending she’s not screaming and terrified - basically pretending that nothing is wrong and she’s not doing that would probably be more of a help overtime that pure avoidance and distraction.

My kids have both hated the shower at times, even nappy changes/ teeth brushing. I can’t just leave them in a soiled nappy/ dirty teeth.

[katewhinesalot]

I was always bemused by the bath/bedtime routine advice . Whilst dd didn't hate baths, it never seemed conducive to sleep so she had baths at other times of the day. I continued this for DS.
I'm glad others also find it not a relaxing part of the bedtime routine.