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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bigregrets19 · 18/10/2019 10:06

Going against the grain slightly. But no I wouldn't use them and I wouldn't accept them. I don't want to just store old stuff. I don't keep the elder ones stuff either apart from a couple of bits in a keepsake box.

I would openly just say. That's a lovely idea MIL however I wouldn't use them. And may be keep for some one who will.
DH is fussier than me so I know he'd agree

IrmaFayLear · 18/10/2019 10:07

I think there are a fair few of us on here with older dcs (or even adult dcs) who are horrified that a dil could be so mean.

I'm going to interview ds's girlfriend and ask her what her attitude would be to ds's baby vests. Depending on the outcome I will advise ds on the future of the relationship Wink

Thinking of the other way round, if I thought ds was sneering at his future wife's old baby clothes I would be very cross with him and think I'd failed to bring him up properly. Hrrrrrmph.

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:07

OP said that MIL was quite proud to give these to her so how do you think her MIL is going to feel if she says thank you, but no thank you and turns them down?

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:09

Doesn’t matter really since OP’s husband already chimed in that they would take them.

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 10:14

@phoenixrosehere Op wouldn’t know would she, her preferred method is to bitch behind her back.

Goodness me, if people would just talk to each other with kindness and honesty the world would be a much happier place, wouldn’t it?

Op can decline the clothes kindly, without offending.

Original poster
GetTheSprinkles · 18/10/2019 10:14

Thank you ladies as always for a good dose of reality.
Feeling rubbish now that I may have hurt her feelings. I didn't actually say anything negative at the time but she probably noticed I wasn't enthusiastically accepting the gift.
For those saying I will understand when I have my own kids, I do already understand. My issue isn't with the hand-me-downs which is a wonderful gesture, it's with the condition of the clothes.
However, I accept IBUWink

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:16

@Jelly

I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use them

Again, they passed that point when her husband accepted them so OP didn’t get a chance to say anything did she?

FaFoutis · 18/10/2019 10:17

if I thought ds was sneering at his future wife's old baby clothes I would be very cross with him and think I'd failed to bring him up properly

Me too.

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:17

I didn't actually say anything negative at the time but she probably noticed I wasn't enthusiastically accepting the gift.

There you have it.

Senseofself1 · 18/10/2019 10:19

YABU - chill!

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 10:21

Unless her mil left instantly after this sentence then of course op had an opportunity.

@phoenixrosehere

why are you even arguing about this? Op has admitting she hasn’t acted in the kindest way here.

RhubarbsBack · 18/10/2019 10:21

Are you perhaps making too big a deal of this?

Just wash them, put them on for one photo then put them in a box. Once he's outgrown them you can ask if she would like them back to pass onto the next victim/grandchild.

My in-laws live on a farm and my dd used to come back dressed in some awful clothes that smelt and were actually dirty. They would dress her in these 'farm clothes' so that her 'town clothes' didn't get dirty. I have no idea who most of them belonged to, possibly my dh or one of his siblings from years ago. MIL also kept some toys but again, they were never cleaned.

I just put up with it because it didn't do dd or me any harm. It saved her nice clothes from getting dirty and to be fair her immune system is now brilliant - she never gets any colds!

ForeverbyJudyBlume · 18/10/2019 10:22

Good for you, OP, for taking the advice on board. Your MIL may be the most unsentimental person you know but this means a lot to her. Do as everyone says, take a couple of photos and you'll make her very happy

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 10:23

Do you know what I really hated about this op?

This sentence ‘I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM)’

You’re basically saying in your OP that you and your mum have bought your child lovely new clothes but there’s your mil handing you dusty old 30 year old clothes and not new ones.

It made me feel quite sad for your mil tbh.

Chloemol · 18/10/2019 10:25

Take them but just don’t use them

RainbowBlanket · 18/10/2019 10:26

My DD wore my first ever baby grow as her first baby grow, it was a lovely memory. Even if you just wash the clothes and put baby in it for a picture it’s something to show them when they’re older and it’ll make your MIL happy

aweedropofsancerre · 18/10/2019 10:27

The only baby clothes I have kept are hand knitted cardigans and a beautiful little dress and cardigan. My DD got it from Spain and it’s never been worn and still in the box. It’s hers and she can do with it as she eases. I wouldn’t dream of handing over some old clothes to my DIL and expect her to stick them on a new baby. Wash them and stick them in a drawer.

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:28

@Jellybeansincognito
I’m not arguing.

I only disagreed with your response like another poster did, that rejecting it would have been rude and pointing out that her husband had already accepted the items so it would have been even more rude for her to reject the items after her husband accepted them.

Chathamhouserules · 18/10/2019 10:30

Was coming on to say yabu but I see your lovely update and think it's really nice that you can understand that it was meant kindly. Like a pp said It probably means the world to her thinking about her grandchild in something that was once her dcs
I'll probably be doing the same if I'm lucky enough to have gcs! Kindness is important

diddl · 18/10/2019 10:38

Well I think it would be hard to be enthusiastic about yellowed babygros & a crispy(?) dressing gown!

It's nice that you are rethinking the snowsuit & jumper.

Of course it's possible that they won't fit at the right time of year!

ravenmum · 18/10/2019 10:41

Most impressed that you can see the error of your ways OP, this will be the first step towards a new and better life 😂 Good thing your dp got in there quickly and saved appearances.

EntropyRising · 18/10/2019 10:43

I'm really glad that you've re-thought your position, OP. Don't feel badly because you have so many opportunities to make her feel included in the baby - water under the bridge.

Flowers

And really, I do get your position, I do. I was terribly excited about buying all the stuff and making everything perfect (oh the folly!) and you're not a bad person to want to do it your own way.

Nomorepies · 18/10/2019 10:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

GrassWasGreener · 18/10/2019 11:08

OP I had similar problem. I refused the clothes and MIL continued 3 different occasions to push them and some other random, why would you keep these things for nearly 40 years things onto me. All dusty and fusty mouldy wouldn't let near new lungs items. In the end I was quite firm, maybe a little rudely told her to keep them for her own daughters children as I did not want them and they would appreciate then more. Was the only way

saraclara · 18/10/2019 11:43

This thread has actually made me wish I'd kept my kids' baby clothes!
I wasn't sentimental about boot sale-ing them back then (and we desperately needed the money) but now, with a grandbaby due any time now, I'm feeling all soppy about my own baby times.

I'm actually pretty sure my daughter would be really touched by being given a few of her own baby things. She's way more sentimental than me!

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