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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
diddl · 18/10/2019 09:15

If she's not sentimental & has passed the clothes on so as not to waste them, but they really aren't useable, then I wouldn't bother with them tbh.

diddl · 18/10/2019 09:17

Does she knit, Op?

Perhaps you could choose something for her to knit?

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 18/10/2019 09:25

I have a nightmare MIL but even I reckon YAbu. Smile, thank her, wash them, put the baby in one item ONCE when Mil Comes over, coo and take photos, go to the bedroom change baby (‘he was a little sick on it / peed on it so I’ve put him in something clean’). Job done!

Repeat for all unwanted clothes gifts (unless brand new and can be regifted!)

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 09:29

Yanbu but the way you’ve written this is disgustingly disrespectful. They’re clearly something your partners mum finds special and instead of being rude about it you could just give her the clothes back and say no thank you.

Original poster
GetTheSprinkles · 18/10/2019 09:32

@diddl No she is not a knitter but I do like the idea. If she had made the clothes I'd understand more where she's coming from. My issue is that they are store bought and not really in usable condition (though the jumper and snow suit probably are to be fair)

OP posts:
AlmostChristmas2019 · 18/10/2019 09:33

If it were good quality clothes, I would say you are ungrateful.

It doesn't sound like that, though, it sounds as if it was cheap but fit for purpose stuff back then (I remember those 90s snowsuits, hated wearing them!) which is now just waaaaayyyy past wearable.

Could you get a nice box and pop a piece or two of it in there, together with a newborn piece of your DC when they've outgrown it? Could be a nice tradition, add a piece of newborn clothing for every child, you could even give one box to your MIL.

Reason I am suggesting it is, that even washed I would put what you have described on a baby - and I LOVE hand me downs! That way, you have done something nice and get to get rid of old stuff!

Drum2018 · 18/10/2019 09:34

The only reason I'd keep them is because they were your dp's baby clothes. I wouldn't use them though and probably wouldn't keep them all. Mil gave Dh one of his first outfits that she had kept, but it was more for sentimental reasons than expecting us to use it for Ds - at least I think it was Grin I have also kept a baby outfit from each of our kids. I'd pretend you assumed she gave them to dp as a keepsake, not for actual use on your new baby.

karala · 18/10/2019 09:37

Just say thank you and put them away - it doesn't hurt you to be kind but it will hurt other people if you are unkind

vjg13 · 18/10/2019 09:38

Love the little knitted cardie in the picture

EntropyRising · 18/10/2019 09:41

I have kept a small collection of my favourite baby clothes, they are beyond precious to me and I would be unimpressed if either of my sons landed with women who had so little regard for family artefacts that they couldn't appreciate this gesture.

Sorry. I understand you want to do your own thing, but be kind.

SandyY2K · 18/10/2019 09:42

If the MIL can only get excited by seeing her GC in 30 year old clothes...then she has a problem.

This is like mothers wanting their DD to wear their old wedding dress.... for sentimental reasons.

Unless a lot of care has been taken, 30 year old clothes will not be in good condition. Washing will not solve the discolouration and some ppl don't want their DC wearing yellow clothing, that should be white.

It's really not a big deal to accept them and never use them.

EntropyRising · 18/10/2019 09:43

This is like mothers wanting their DD to wear their old wedding dress.... for sentimental reasons.

It's really not. You get to pick one wedding dress. A baby needs clothes every day.

CottonHeadedNinyMuggins · 18/10/2019 09:44

My mum did this for my brother and his wife with their baby. His christening shawl, outfit and first shoes etc. Sil and her mum were enthralled by them, especially as sil's parents moved around the country for work and she didn't get to keep anything of her childhood.

Please do not ruin them or just throw them away. They hold so many memories for her and it wouldn't hurt to either take a pic or two just to send her or put them away in a cupboard and then offer back when baby is bigger.

Destroying/binning them is just cruel whether you want them or not. They were given with love.

FaFoutis · 18/10/2019 09:46

YABU and a bit nasty.
Think about this again in a few years.

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 09:47

Yanbu.

However, as others have suggested, if some of the clothes are in a decent shape, pop them on the baby, take a few pictures, send them to MIL and then store them somewhere if you have the space.

It is a massive pet peeve of mine when people give items that are in terrible condition or falling apart especially when it comes to babies and small children and expect you to be grateful. I receive lots of clothes from my husband’s side, but it had all been stored in their lofts for years and I went through 5 massive bags of clothes that they obviously didn’t check to see if they were fit to give. Didn’t even ask us if we needed them, just had them waiting for us when we visited. A lot of it was stained, many pieces had holes, others were quite dated. I think we kept about 1/6 of it. Most of it was recycled, others donated and the rest sold. Funny enough, the baby clothes we had were way too big for him and we ended up having to buy clothes on the way from the hospital before we reached home. Don’t think any of the hand-me downs fit him until he was almost nine months. I don’t mind hand-me down (my youngest is wearing most of his older brother’s), but I don’t like storing clothes for years when someone else can easily make use of them nor would I give people clothes that are obviously stained and better off as a cleaning rag than what it was made for.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 09:47

“This is like mothers wanting their DD to wear their old wedding dress.... for sentimental reasons.“
That really is utter bollocks.

EntropyRising · 18/10/2019 09:52

Think about this again in a few years.

This is really the crux of it.

You're just about to become a mother. It will slip through your fingers so quickly and before you know it your children will be off charting their own course, and then you will understand why your MIL has kept these clothes.

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/10/2019 09:58

Oh I've just had a flashback moment.

My DM (now gone) gave me a dress that she'd bought for me (at great expense for her back then) for my DB's christening. I put it on DD1 and DD2 (it didn't fit DD3) and there are some pictures of them, somewhere, wearing it. I ought to turn them out and show them to the DDs with the pic of me wearing it at the christening. They are late/mid twenties now and of an age to find it cute themselves.

I respected the fact that my very hard up parents had bought me something 'good' to wear for the christening and didn't really 'get' that children's clothes were now so cheap that they were practically 'wear once and dispose'. They grew up during an era where everything was kept and reused (that maybe we should go back to).

It was a lovely dress too. In fact, it might still be in the back of one of my cupboards...

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 09:59

They’re clearly something your partners mum finds special and instead of being rude about it you could just give her the clothes back and say no thank you.

And how is that not rude? Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 18/10/2019 09:59

Jeez the poor woman, you don't have to be so mean about it, she clearly thought she was doing something nice

Magicmama92 · 18/10/2019 09:59

I can understand your point I mean I'm keeping some clothes but I plan on keeping them in good condition and offering them to my daughter but only if she wants them. But as lots of us have said your baby only needs to wear them once for a picture or when she visits. Maybe politely say oh I washed them but some didnt come out too well which is such a shame but this did wont it be nice to use again. Then just use it once or when shes over haha. I have outfits that I'd probably start crying if my grandchild wore out of being sentimental and remembering my own child being that small. I found a newborn hat and I just welled up. Good luck :)

EntropyRising · 18/10/2019 10:01

They’re clearly something your partners mum finds special and instead of being rude about it you could just give her the clothes back and say no thank you.

Can you imagine this scene in your head?

MIL packs up clothes she has been keeping for 30 years, brings them to her son's wife who says 'no thank you' and hands them back.

Seriously.

phoenixrosehere · 18/10/2019 10:02

Perhaps, you can find a really nice item of clothing that is very sentimental to mil, frame it and put the frame in the baby’s nursery?

She gets to talk about the item and the memory from it, and her seeing it framed and on the wall would likely make her feel happy and you can do what you like with the rest.

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 10:03

‘phoenixrosehere

They’re clearly something your partners mum finds special and instead of being rude about it you could just give her the clothes back and say no thank you.

And how is that not rude? hmm’

Of course it isn’t rude to decline something- it’s not hard to say ‘I appreciate these are really special to you, I would like you to keep them’ is it?

Jellybeansincognito · 18/10/2019 10:05

@EntropyRising it’s no ruder than how OP is reacting.

When someone gives you something, you don’t have to say yes. You can show polite interest and explain to someone that you appreciate they’re very special, and you’d like them to keep it.

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