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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 17/10/2019 23:48

When I was pg with dc1, I didn’t get this. By the time I had dc3, my favourite cardi for her, was a cardigan that had been mine as a baby. She also wore some of my old dresses and a couple of other things.
I’ve got a bag of ‘special’ baby clothes on top of my wardrobe with a few bits that I loved the dc wearing. I get a bit emotional about it, remembering how small the dc were when they wore the clothes.
Don’t be rude to your mil over this. If you can bear to, put your dc in one of the items, take a photo and take the clothes off again. Put the clothes in the back of your wardrobe but show mil the photo. I reckon your mil will be really touched you’ve done that .

fernandoanddenise · 17/10/2019 23:49

“Is she quite old, a bit senile maybe?”
Wow!
Maybe she’s a sensible type who likes to see clothes well worn and not accustomed to the preciousness that seems to abound in new mums today.
Op, just be polite.

SandyY2K · 17/10/2019 23:54

One day, you’ll get it OP. My daughter is 3, and I really struggled to hold my emotions when sorting out her baby clothes last weekend

This was your experience. It's not every mother's experience.

I had no problem getting shut of clothes my DDs had grown out of.

Where I could give some to relatives...I did... but it was a year later...not 30 years.

If they weren't suitable for another niece...I gave them to charity or sold them on Ebay.

Same with their toys.

OP... I'd be irritated like you..but I'd laugh about it with my Dsis.

My PIL used to buy some nonsensical poor quality clothes for the DC... but I said thanks and either threw them away...because the fabric was so scratchy or gave the ones I didn't like to a charity shop.

It came from the heart...but I wasn't going to put them on my DC for anyone.

My DH acted like it was lovely stuff... but I bet if my parents had bought it he would have said something about it.

Over the years as the DC have grown...they're used to the kind of stuff PILS buy. They say thank you and its never worn... then I'll get it from their wardrobes after about a year or more of never being worn and bin it. They never miss the stuff.

No need to upset your MIL... just don't feel the need to put them on your baby.

Best to laugh about it and not feel pissed off.

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/10/2019 23:57

Some of the older clothes might be better made than anything you can get now and once you’ve washed them they may be useable.

wibdib · 18/10/2019 00:02

Wash them. Accidentally knock the dial up to boiling and add a splash of bleach to whiten the whites which have gone really off colour.

And oops they will have shrunk/shredded/become unwearable.

Say that you expect the fibres have perished and become unstable over time/the moths have got them/etc and apologise because you never expected that a simple wash would harm them, and it was MIL herself that had suggested they needed a wash...

Nixee2231 · 18/10/2019 00:03

My SiL gave me a ton of baby stuff (before I ever mentioned wanting children) so I kept them around for ages. When I finally pulled off the band-aid and went through them, they were 95% yellow/stained basic stuff, including yellow maternity underwear and bras (bleurgh!!). I threw away almost all of without a second thought.

Why do people do this? Do they really expect you to wear their old underwear?? Does anyone actually wear them and I'm just being precious? I understand keeping special stuff but why hang on to 20 yellow onesies for years only to stuff them in a box and give them to someone who isn't even pregnant?

user1573334 · 18/10/2019 00:07

ShockShockShockYou lucky thing you! I am obsessed with vintage children's clothing, and I was absolutely delighted with the couple of bits my MIL gave me of DH's. Polyester snow-suit and all. I spend a lot on vintage clothes for all of mine and really wish my mum kept some and my MIL kept more. A grandmother and toddler group told me last week that she has loads of vintage Fisher Price etc toys and her DIL has turned it all down! If anyone has any vintage kids clothes they don't want, send them my way please.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/10/2019 00:10

The vintage fisher price toys are FAR more solid than the equivalent modern stuff.

ReggaetonLente · 18/10/2019 00:11

wibdib that is really bloody nasty. What would you get out of doing that rather than just shoving them in a cupboard and giving them back in 6 months?

And i fucking hate my MIL so i'm no angel

LifeImplosionImminent · 18/10/2019 00:14

I've saved some of my favourite girl's baby things - because they were my favourite they were worn to death! I fully expect my kids to refuse them if they have kids...but when I'm babysitting hey won't know.... - mwahahaha

user1573334 · 18/10/2019 00:14

Yes they are amazing! No batteries, beautiful to look at. I've collected it from car boots/eBay over the years. I felt sick when she told me her DIL said it was too old fashioned! Some people have no taste. Probably the same kind who commit heinous crimes like rip out original tiles in period houses to put laminate in.

NettleTea · 18/10/2019 00:15

I feel sorry for your MIL. she has obviously kept these treasured items, momentoes of when your DH was a baby, and had brought them to you.

I agree with others, wash them, chuck a ton of conditioner in to fluff/soften them up. Take some photos and give them back to her. She would be heartbroken if you threw them away. She doesnt see them as you do - old tatty clothes. For her to have kept them all these years they mean alot to her and are sentimental items.

Make sure she gets them back. There are many of us here who hang onto a few small items. Unless you do, you cant understand why they mean so much.

SD1978 · 18/10/2019 00:17

She's kept them 30 years because they mean something to her. She's passing them to you, because they are special to her, and because they were your partners. I'm sorry but you sound horrible in regards this. Will it really kill you to use them at least once? A photo would probably do. I have kept clothes I'd like to pass on- I have a dress my mum kept I used for my daughter. Wasn't my taste and style was 30 years ago- it's about being respectful to the sentiment, and a decent person. Really isn't hard to do

CrazyOldBagLady · 18/10/2019 00:17

Your mother in laws babies wore these items. She has fond memories tied up in them. It wont hurt you to send a pic of your baby wearing an old family item. Remember this post when you are packing away your most beloved baby items into bags for the attic and how you might like your future daughter in laws to receive your treasured memories.

Aridane · 18/10/2019 00:19

Don't be a cunt, OP

ladycarlotta · 18/10/2019 00:19

awww. I'm with everyone who says this is really meaningful to her. She's not being cheap or disgusting, she's trying to share something genuinely precious, so pop them on the baby once or twice and then return them.

Actually, the birth announcement card we sent out for my daughter was a photo of her in a 35-year-old dress my aunt had saved from when her kids were newborns. I chose to use it, no pressure from her. She has great taste and I thought it was really special.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/10/2019 00:20

My daughter wore a cardigan that had been knitted by a relative 40 years previously for my brother. My mother had kept it. And the relative was delighted to receive a photo 40 years on. She couldn't believe my mam had kept it and my daughter was wearing it!

Keep the stuff. Take a photo. Send it to his mam and then offer the stuff back. They're not doing any harm and will mean the world to your mil.

LittleAndOften · 18/10/2019 00:23

Honestly OP don't overthink it. I had the same thing with my mum, plus half a dozen people who knitted oversized jumpers and hats DS never wore. Just be grateful, say thank you, wash them, stick them in your baby's wardrobe and forget about them. You have to change babies so frequently anyway, its easy enough to explain away should your MIL ask. My mum never did!

NumberblockNo1 · 18/10/2019 00:24

Oh I wish I'd kept some of my children's things. Id love to get then out and share them 😢

BillHadersNewWife · 18/10/2019 00:25

My ML also did this and I was touched. I wouldn;t actually put them ON my children but to think she trusted me with her baby's clothes (and blankets!) that she'd kept for so long was moving.

They're all in the airing cupboard. Don't be so lacking in imagination and feeling OP.

shinynewapple · 18/10/2019 00:25

@wibdib why the fuck would you purposefully destroy something sentimental that somebody has kept lovingly for 30 years.

As people with more sensitivity have said, wash, stick on baby for the odd photo (or even dress baby in clothing when MIL visits), put back in drawer and return after baby has outgrown.

Pandaintheporridge · 18/10/2019 00:28

Does your dh not get a say in this?

Dinoctoblock · 18/10/2019 00:37

Do you not find it even a little bit cute or sweet that your own DH wore those clothes as a tiny baby?

I’m another one struggling to let go of my babies clothes just now. The special pieces aren’t just clothes, but a reminder of a very special time in my life. The DCs won’t remember wearing them, but I will always remembering dressing them in them, watching them sleep in their crib or cruise around them living room or taking them out in a particular outfit. I particularly love things that all three of my DCs wore.

See if you can find it in yourself to just go with it. Dress them in it and take one picture, or perhaps you’ll find the stuff isn’t as shit as you think.

Quiterightly · 18/10/2019 00:39

Just say thanks and get rid of them. And forget about it. Doesn’t have to be a drama.