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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use them
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 08:49

“ This doesn't warrant the OP being called a cow, or a cunt. That's just ridiculous“
Nobody should be called a cunt. Ever. But cow....hmmm. If the bell fits.....

Minai · 18/10/2019 08:51

My mil did this. I took them, said thank you, washed them and put them away in a drawer. I have 2 sons and their baby things mean a lot to me. I’ve kept a few sentimental items. Your dh was your mil’s precious baby once. You will understand one day. You don’t have to use the clothes, just graciously accept them, wash them a couple of times and maybe take a photo of the baby in one of the babygrows. No need to use them on a daily basis but it would be unkind to refuse them

Aridane · 18/10/2019 08:51

The OP has not been called a cunt, merely exhorted not to be a cunt.

kikibo · 18/10/2019 08:51

Oh, come on! It's vintage!

OK, would draw the line at dirty/stained/broken, but provided the jumper and snowsuit are in good condition, they'll be better quality than what you'll get today (even from premium brands).

ravenmum · 18/10/2019 08:54

I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use them
Your dp sounds lovely 👍

IrmaFayLear · 18/10/2019 08:54

OP - you are horrid.

I just came across some baby clothes I'd saved from when the dcs were babies and actually had a small weep. I'd never try to give them to a future dil (although I might show her!) but the very thought of her thinking such nasty things about obviously treasured possessions and talking about "burning" them.... Just you wait until your (future) dcs are grown and some woman is sneering at you being a little sentimental.

ColaFreezePop · 18/10/2019 08:55

YABU - wash the clothes. Find a teddy/soft toy/doll (or get your OH to do it) dress toy up in one of the items. Store toy somewhere. When child is 2 pull out toy when MIL visits and show then return other clothes. Give toy to child. Job done.

Magicmama92 · 18/10/2019 08:55

Awww It really wouldnt hurt to wash them and see how they come out. Maybe put your little one in them for pictures or when mil visits and then take them.off. they will mean something to her and once you become a parent youl understand small things like that will take her back and give happy memories. Theres no need to be rude or point blank refuse.

NoSauce · 18/10/2019 08:57

Weird how the OP hasn’t been back to this little froth fest

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 08:58

“ YABU - wash the clothes. Find a teddy/soft toy/doll (or get your OH to do it) dress toy up in one of the items. Store toy somewhere. When child is 2 pull out toy when MIL visits and show then return other clothes. Give toy to child. Job done.”
What do people think will happen to a baby if it wears clothes that aren’t brand new? Why go through all the complicated soft toy palaver. Just put them on the baby and take some pictures!

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 08:58

OK, would draw the line at dirty/stained/broken, but provided the jumper and snowsuit are in good condition, they'll be better quality than what you'll get today (even from premium brands).

Unscratchy jumpers are available today so not really! The jumper is the thing least fit to use. Snowsuit could be fine once someone has washed it, but by the sound of things it's the only item that is.

SirVixofVixHall · 18/10/2019 08:59

My dds wore old clothes of mine that my Mum had saved, and I was born in the 60s, so they had been stored for a very long time. They also wore my db’s sweet little zip up knitted jacket that my Mum had made.
Dd (14) has gone to school today in a Western shirt that I wore to a disco at the same age.
I love hand me downs. I have kept anything that I knitted for them as babies, and the more special things, plus my old things, and packed them away for their babies.

diddl · 18/10/2019 08:59

I agree though that if Op's husband wants to use them then he can wash them & dress the baby in them.

IrmaFayLear · 18/10/2019 08:59

"I've bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my dm)"

And here we have it: my dm is wooooonnnnderful and mil is a nasty old boot who I'm going to try to cut out of our lives and rant about her on MN and everyone will say dh is a mummy's boy and should cut the apron strings yada yada.

OP - if you are having a boy, try a bit of reflective thinking.

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 09:02

Or maybe the distinction is that her DM has given them things that aren't dusty, scratchy, dried out and discoloured...

FleurNancy · 18/10/2019 09:03

I just can't get past how utterly vile your attitude is. I can't add anything more than previous posters have but just to confirm: YABU. Very. And inconsiderate. And arrogant. And rude. And disrespectful.

INeedNewShoes · 18/10/2019 09:03

Would it really be that awful for you to give them a wash, put baby in them when MIL is coming round and/or take some photos?

Snowsuits cost a bomb and will hardly see any use before they're out grown; I'd have thought you could at least make use of that.

Your post sounds more unpleasant than you intended perhaps.

I've been given hand-me-downs that are nearly 20 years old and they've been great!

diddl · 18/10/2019 09:05

Op. would you object to ALL hand me downs, or just these?

Original poster

GetTheSprinkles · 18/10/2019 09:07

So its unanimous, I'm being a miserable so and so Can I blame the pregancy hormones?!
Thanks for all the advice, will be whipping the clothes on DC for some cute photos. I'm clearly being far too precious about all this.
I definitely appreciate that my DP wore them & if they were in good condition I'd be absolutely thrilled to have them.
In my defense, my MIL is the least sentimental person I know (she says it herself) so those of you commenting on hurting her feelings, this isn't really the case. She told me she was passing them along as they're still in good condition and it would be a waste not to.
@nixiee2251 Undies and bras?! Good God!

OP posts:

kikibo · 18/10/2019 09:08

@SesameOil

Scratchy jumpers are easy to deal with. Just put a long-sleeved shirt with a collar underneath and it's fine.
At least the jumper will be warm.
The affordable knitted stuff you get in the shops today is usually synthetics, which isn't really warm. And I refuse to shell out 60+ euro on a baby jumper, sorry.

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 09:09

I think that's an interesting question diddl. We've had post after post of people discussing how pleased they were to pass on/use hand me downs that were in good condition. Same here actually, but that is entirely different to the situation outlined in the OP and very few posters on this thread have recognised that.

Derbee · 18/10/2019 09:10

YABU. Why can’t you just be kind, and let your MIL have some excitement and joy about s new baby. Your DP sounds like a nice normal man, maybe you could learn something from him.

Thank her, wash them, take a photo of the baby in some of them, and don’t use them if you don’t want to. Kindness costs nothing. Why be a bitch?

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 09:11

Or you could just not put a scratchy jumper on a small child at all kikibo! Mine would've almost invariably been too hot in a long sleeved collared shirt plus a woolly jumper over the top. You mention euros so I don't know where you are, but one can purchase a jumper than isn't scratchy for less than 60 Euros equivalent in the UK. There's also no reason to assume that the jumper is a good quality item that will wash well just because it's 30 years old, since the babygros don't seem to have done.

Whattodoabout · 18/10/2019 09:13

Just gracefully accept and don’t use them. You may have to get used to this, my MIL is the same. Thankfully none of DH’s old clothes but she has a charity shop addiction and has given us all sorts of crap, some of it dirty and it just goes in the bin.

Sashkin · 18/10/2019 09:14

DMIL kept a little knitted jumper that used to belong to DH, and DS wore it plenty of times. Not every day, it was too fragile, but I thought it was very touching she’d kept it. We also reused my old baby blankets and they were perfectly robust, used them every day.

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