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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
diddl · 18/10/2019 08:09

"OP is not a bitch for not wanting to dress her tiny baby in ugly, dusty, 30 year old clothes."

I agree with that.

They mean something to MIL, but if they're not useable then they're not.

I have stuff from when mine were babies-mainly matinee jackets & cardigans that my late mother knitted.

I can't bear to part with them.

If I'm ever a GM, no doubt I'll get them out (yet again) to look at, & if they look OK to me I might show them to my kids & if they'd like one or two for their baby/child then fine.

If not, back they go in the suitcase & no harm done.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 18/10/2019 08:13

In a very short few weeks your DC will have grown out of some of those clothes you have lovingly chosen for them. You will be delighted with your babies progress but perhaps just a little regretful that he/she is no longer so tiny.

And you just might find that you don’t want to get rid of those beautiful clothes.

Witchinaditch · 18/10/2019 08:14

It’s your baby and your choice but you sound not very nice. Remember in 30 years you’ll be the MIL holding on to the sentiment of old baby grows and I hope your DIL is kinder than you.

Sewrainbow · 18/10/2019 08:14

Smile, accept, dont use if you don't want to, easy...

Solihooley · 18/10/2019 08:14

Oh dear, I’m already stashing some of the lovely stuff I won’t use again for my grandchildren (handmade liberty dresses made by moi). Both my babies wore things that I had when I was a baby too, it’s nice I think. It’s something MILs do. Just take them store them for a few weeks and start to give them back. You can say you don’t need more babygrows r he has grown out of them.

burnoutbabe · 18/10/2019 08:15

I'd say to DH that you'll try them on baby when HE washes them.
Problem solved!
(Just wondering why the op had to do all the wife work of washing a bag of clothes with probably missing tags just to keep mil happy, husband can do that if he wants to keep his mum happy)

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 08:19

There is quite a difference between wanting to keep some baby clothes and then giving them away when most of them are in objectively poor condition though. As a general rule, keep whatever you like, then if you think you might want to give them away, check first. The OP was rude in her phrasing but this thread seems to have taught a few posters that, which is a good thing.

People do like to give things at the birth of a baby without necessarily having engaged in much thought first though. Sometimes it's wildly impractical outfits, sometimes it's older stuff. The storage doesn't seem to be an issue in this case, but there have been threads on here before where people were essentially being expected to store/manage things other people didn't want to get rid of.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 08:21

“ Why haven’t all these ‘awful’ MILs found something else to do with their time, hobbies, running, pets etc rather than obsess about DIL’s and their kids”
Maybe because “DIL’s kids” are their grandchildren? Just a thought....

MarkingTimeIm59 · 18/10/2019 08:22

I’m glad you’re not my DIL

SoupDragon · 18/10/2019 08:23

DH's family have the Ugly Green Hand-Knit Sweater. High neck (tiny) very scratch, lime green. Horrible. Every single one of the children in the family have worn it to have a picture. 3 generations so far. And counting.

That is just wonderful!! 😂

Babybel90 · 18/10/2019 08:24

I definitely think keeping a nice homemade cardigan to pass on to grandchildren is lovely, I’ve kept the one my MIL passed on to us and put it on a teddy bear so its on display and she can see we appreciate it, but I would draw the line at a neon snow suit or anything brown Hmm

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 08:24

I have the outfit in the picture packed away to hand on, by the way. If ds has children at about 30, the cardigan will be 65, and the trousers will be 30. I do hope his children’s mother won’t be vile to me about them.

SoupDragon · 18/10/2019 08:25

It clearly all meant a lot to her and it didn’t kill me to be nice.

This.

Just wash them, take a photo of your baby in them and then get rid of them or do the same with any subsequent children.

SesameOil · 18/10/2019 08:29

That's a very good point burnoutbabe! Several posters, me being one of them, have been talking to the heavily pregnant OP about washing them and then potentially using them. The DH is perfectly capable of putting them in the wash and then dressing the baby in them (though I'd veto anything scratchy) and if he actually wants this, it can be his job.

Hopefully you would at least wash them first Bertrand!

Ginger1982 · 18/10/2019 08:34

The title of your thread is awful. The use of the word 'pawning' just smacks of you looking down your nose at her. It won't kill you or your baby to put them in some of the items once.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 18/10/2019 08:35

These things are precious to her and she is entrusting them to you. You should respect and appreciate that and be more sensitive to her feelings. As others have said, give them a wash, take some pictures, let her see the baby wearing some of them and then give them back in a month or so. It will mean the world to her and quite possibly to your DP too. You are coming across as shallow and unkind, surely not what you want?

Aridane · 18/10/2019 08:36

She doesn't go round kicking puppies in her spare time - no, just the MIL

horse4course · 18/10/2019 08:36

Yabu

You don't have to actually dress dc in them but have a heart!

saraclara · 18/10/2019 08:40

Bloody hell, there are some ugly posts on here. Thank goodness they're in the minority.

diddl · 18/10/2019 08:42

I think if they're not going to be used just keep a hold & hand them back at some point.

I think that it was rude of MIL to hand them over needing a wash.

Anothernotherone · 18/10/2019 08:43

My DD did wear DHs old baby clothes ShockGrin My MIL washed and ironed them all and sorted them by size though and absolutely nothing was stained. She was a much, much more accomplished housewife than I've any interest in being - they were cleaner than shop bought because of not having a factory smell or having been touched by shoppers while on display. She gave us lots and I didn't use them all, but some were retro-cool or just amusing Grin

DD is in her teens now and lives a photo of herself at age 2 wearing a very 70s jumper which we also have a photo of 2 year old DH wearing. She has quite a retro style now she's a teen Grin

Babs1937 · 18/10/2019 08:44

Well my daughter has just had her first baby at 35, she is an only child. I had saved her good clothes to use when we had another but that never happened. So when she announced she was expecting I got the clothes out and had a look, white babygros, white vests, white nighties (Because when mine was small she only wore white) washed them all and they came up immaculate. Guess what baby wore for her first 3 months ?

I also found approximately 50 dresses, all excellent makes, Sarah Louise, M&S etc washed and ironed them and she has worn some and will wear the rest when she grows into them. Went into a baby shop very recently and the high end dresses have hardly changed at all.

There was also the shawl that my deceased mother knitted, she was brought home from the hospital in that, all the knitted cardies that she had also made for her all washed and wearing.

I didn't keep anything that had marks or stains on or that were not in excellent condition, and also double checked before I passed them on.

The difference between my daughter and you is that she knew that I had saved her baby clothes and when she found out she was expecting she eagerly phoned me to say, mum get my clothes out ready for when baby arrives.

Tanith · 18/10/2019 08:44

Count yourself lucky: my MIL saved DH's old terry nappies for me...!

saraclara · 18/10/2019 08:47

I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use them

Your husband sounds lovely. Thank goodness one of you has some tact and empathy.
I can't get my head round someone who'd be so fucking heartless as to refuse them, when MIL was clearly offering something so important and sentimental to her.

Just put them away and give them back when your baby is too big for them.

SandyY2K · 18/10/2019 08:47

Well those grufty old clothes were the clothes that his mother dressed him in when he was fresh and new in the world

And the clothes were fresh and new as well.... they are not quite in the same fresh and new condition 30 years later.

Some ppl are more particular with what they put on their babies.

I sold some of DDs, but I wouldn't buy second hand clothes for my DC.

We're all different. It's not about right or wrong... or good or bad. This doesn't warrant the OP being called a cow, or a cunt. That's just ridiculous.