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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jimdandy · 18/10/2019 05:37

Sorry, I never actually helped you!

I would keep them, when he’s bathed one night shove the dressing gown on once take a pic and then bin it and do this for maybe one more item and then get rid.

OatyGoaty · 18/10/2019 05:49

don't be so snide. It's very cruel. Put them on your baby and send her a photo and bear in mind you'll be dealing with this in the future and hoping that even if you were not kind noe; someone will be to you in the future and that is karma.

This.

Buddytheelf85 · 18/10/2019 05:53

I was passed a few 30 year old baby grows from my MIL and although we never used them, I realise what they meant to her.

My thoughts exactly! What is the big deal? I’d take them, keep them, and hand them back when baby could plausibly have grown out of them.

Other human beings have feelings too - not just you. Your DP was once her baby and she felt the same way about him as you’ll feel about your baby.

Buddytheelf85 · 18/10/2019 06:04

*My kids do not and will never wear second hand clothes. I can afford to buy new and it’s just something I like. I like choosing my own and cutting tags and seeing them in completely stain free/bobbly clothes.

When I had both my DCs I noticed a lot of friends trying to dump their baby clothes on me. I was firm and just said, thanks but we have loads of clothes already, I’m bursting at the seams.

Some still used to bring bags around and say I brought it with me so you see. Most were mildly stained and/or bobbly. Even when they were brought around, my firm no it’s alright was occasionally met with I’ll just leave them so they ended up filling my wheelie bin instead of theirs!

I think they couldn’t bare to bin them themselves.’

What a weird post.

First, it’s all about you and not really relevant to the OP. Second, I think your friends probably thought that as babies don’t care whether the stuff they wear is bobbly and they need about 5 outfit changes a day, you may as well have some of their stuff. Thirdly, I never get people who get really uptight about their kids having anything ‘secondhand’, particularly now we know what the western consumption of new clothing is doing to the planet - is it unresolved issues from their own childhoods? Fourthly, you can recycle textiles - you don’t put them in the wheelie bin.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/10/2019 06:21

I’m waiting for the drip feed where the Op tells us her MIL is controlling etc.

Aridane · 18/10/2019 06:23

To all those saying ‘bin Them ‘ the DP / son thinks they’re cute. So it would be grossly disrespectful and offensive to your partner )quite apart from mIL) to bin them/ hand them back

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 18/10/2019 06:31

Absolutely agree Buddytheelf. There's nothing at all wrong with second hand clothes other than sheer snobbery. I pretty much only dress my dc in second hand or handmade clothing - there's a ridiculous amount of new clothing in the UK (enough to give every person on the planet two items each!), it's terrible for the environment and kids outgrow stuff really quick.

WhoArtinHeaven · 18/10/2019 06:31

Bloody hell. Some mean spirited folk on this thread.

OP YABU, and come across as quite unpleasant!

My DD has worn clothes my mum saved, including some knitted by my late grandmother. Unfortunately my MIL didn't save any baby clothes from my DH, but I would have been delighted if she had, and even more so if she trusted me to take care if them!

PositiveVibez · 18/10/2019 06:38

Don't be a bitch. What has she actually done wrong here to make you sound so nasty?

I suspect you don't like her and are looking for justification for binning the clothes

She's actually done something nice here. Can you see past your dislike of her and take the gesture in the spirit that it was intended?

recrudescence · 18/10/2019 06:41

Somehow, incredibly, you have transformed your MIL’s kind gesture into a personal attack on you. Have a word with yourself.

YoTheGinPussyOfStMawesOnThigh · 18/10/2019 06:47

When we were clearing our DM’s house I found two bibs from when my DSis and I were babies. DM had kept them nearly 60 years. Would I put them on a child now, no way but I have kept them.

Your MIL sounds a soppy date like my DM so be kind to her. The only reason to chuck a woolly jumper would be if it had clothes moths in it. Hide the stuff in a cupboard and pick your battles elsewhere.

pingoose · 18/10/2019 06:49

Jimdandy you are literally everything that is wrong with this world.

kshaw · 18/10/2019 06:51

We had this. I washed them in a tonne of fabric conditioner as were so scratchy then took the odd pic in one or two when fit. Baby was in them seconds. Then hid them til was outgrown and passed them back. My in laws don't throw anything away, it's not sentimental it's out of absolutely no where. I don't get it!!! FIL has asked if keeping any of babies clothes for when she's older. Nope. We're having no more kids and from this experience I understand she won't use them!!!

Ski4130 · 18/10/2019 06:51

Take them, say thank you, then give them back at a later date. I’ve saved clothes from my ds1, ds2 and dd, so one day I imagine I may end up handing them over to my daughter in law/s, it breaks my heart reading the way you’re reacting op - it takes no effort to be kind and accept the clothes graciously, even if you don’t plan on using them.

Smelborp · 18/10/2019 06:53

I’m glad this thread is being kind to the MIL. She’s doing what she thinks is a nice thing OP.

AdalindMeisner · 18/10/2019 06:53

One day you will get it! They mean something special to her, would it hurt to be kind? Baby doesn't need to wear them but why hurt her feelings?

SallyWD · 18/10/2019 06:56

My MIL did these. I felt it was purely sentimental, to remind her of when her DS was a baby. I put my baby in clothes, quickly took some photos then took them off. It gave her great pleasure to see her grandchild in the clothes.

Chivers53 · 18/10/2019 06:57

Wow, so ungrateful and nasty. Also remember your partner as the father can also choose what baby wears, he probably wants a pic in his old clothes, and not to be horrible to his mum.

dottiedodah · 18/10/2019 06:58

I think she means well ,but as someone else says just put them on Babe for a few photos (well washed of course)! A few months later ,say thank you and return them or otherwise put in deep dark corner of loft!

FabLaura · 18/10/2019 06:59

This reply has been deleted

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Molly2017 · 18/10/2019 07:01

@SuchAToDo has the right advice.
My SiL had her baby 8 yrs before me. She asked me to go round to pick up ‘a few things’ she thought we could use.
What that actually meant was wait for her to haul 4 bin bags out of the loft and then go through each item in front of me reminiscing.
I was 8 months pregnant at the time and this was after a day at work.
The stuff she decided to pass on (rather then return to the loft) was stained yellowish, smelt and crusty under the arms.
She even offered me the pram part of her old buggy that she had been using as a dog bed (I managed to politely decline).
Needless to say I did what @suchatodo did and boil washed, took photos, packed back up and returned.
Yes it was a faff and yes I had to store them but it was worth it overall.

ThreeLittleDinos · 18/10/2019 07:04

YABU. Even if you don't like them, wash them. Put them on a for a visit or take a photo. It'll bring her a lot of joy, and your husband too by the sounds of it. Then return them after and hope they'll get more use with another grandchild with a nicer mother!

wtffgs · 18/10/2019 07:06

Take them, be polite, once your baby arrives take a few pictures in the outfits to send to MIL and then ask her if she wants the outgrown clothes back again. They clearly mean something to her and maybe in 30 years’ time you’ll be more understanding.
👆🏼

FoggyHazeyMaybe · 18/10/2019 07:15

Take them, be polite, once your baby arrives take a few pictures in the outfits to send to MIL and then ask her if she wants the outgrown clothes back again. They clearly mean something to her

I agree with this. She'll be remembering her DS in those clothes. To you their dusty old clothes, to her thats loads of memories of her DS as a baby.

No doubt their not the nicest clothes but it wont take much out of your day to dress your baby in them and take a pic for MIL. Shes kept them for 30 years, shes obviously sentimental about them x

FoggyHazeyMaybe · 18/10/2019 07:21

She's kept them safe all these years out of love and giving them to you is a bigger gift for her than going to gap or whatever.

This too OP. Shes gifted you these out of love, please dont throw them away. If you end up having a 2nd DC at some point and they dress in some of DC1s old clothes you would see how lovely it is having them in the same outfit someone you already loved was once in. Its lovely. The clothes might seem tat to you but to his mum thats lots of lovely memories of when she had a baby

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