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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL pawning off old dusty baby clothes on me

233 replies

GetTheSprinkles · 17/10/2019 22:53

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow but...
I'm 36w pregnant with first DC and I have bought some lovely new clothes for him (as has my DM). The other day MIL ambushes me downstairs with a small pile of clothes she has apparently been saving for the last THIRTY years. She hands me some of DP's old baby clothes, very proud of herself. There are three baby grows that look like they'd fit a tiny doll and are now a dirty yellow (presumably were once white), a really scratchy bright orange and black wool jumper for ages 2+, a tatty/dried out brown dressing gown for ages 1-2 and an old-fashioned, neon snow suit. All smell clean but dusty. She chuckles that I may want to wash them. I'm thinking I may want to burn them. Is it rude to flat out refuse them? I was about to tell her I didn't want them when DP who was nearby piped up saying how cute they were and of course we'd use themShock
I'm planning to take them and leave them in a wardrobe forever... although I hate clutter so really just want to throw them away. AIBU?

OP posts:
managedmis · 18/10/2019 00:42

Yeah, we've had this.

FIL tried to give us a tent that was 40 years old! There was about 600 poles for it

Hidingtonothing · 18/10/2019 00:46

I'm really hoping now that DSS and his GF aren't feeling like this about the lovely knitted cardigans I've just passed on for their newborn DS Blush MIL knitted them for DD (who's now 11 so not all that long ago!) and I just thought it would be nice to keep them in the family.

1Morewineplease · 18/10/2019 01:02

Recently emptied the attic of stuff in an attempt to de-clutter . Been married 28 years. Found loads of my children’s clothes that I couldn’t part with. My children are in their 20s and we had a few laughs but many memories of some of their outfits. I put much of it into charity bins but am still holding onto a couple of bags of clothes that my ‘babes’ wanted to keep as they were so lovely, very well made, some handmade and full of memories.
Don’t be so harsh on your MIL ... there will come a day when you’ll not be able to part with a few outfits and when your turn comes to be a granny , I suspect you’ll find it very hard not to dig out that gorgeous dress or perfect dungaree that once you loved on your babes. Have a heart. If you really don’t like/want them then just thank her kindly and put them away.

Naijamama · 18/10/2019 01:07

Wow, some really nasty women on here. Just say thank you, wash them and put them on baby for a few minutes for some photos. Then give them back in a few months. If you can't bring yourself to do that give them back in a few weeks time when they're 'too small'. Don't bin them, don't ruin them deliberately, just be fucking kind. Is it really so hard?

Sunshine93 · 18/10/2019 01:14

YABU for fucks sake.

Is it rude to flat out refuse them? Yes, why do you need to ask this?

Just accept them with good grace. Your DP sounds like he is a bit more empathetic than you so give them to him to deal with and stop being so precious.

I would personally wash them, put the baby in them once and take photos then either pass back or get DP to sort.

ActualHornist · 18/10/2019 01:20

I have a huge bag of clothes from when my boys were tiny, if this were your mum giving you your old stuff would you feel the same?

Accept them with good grace, try and understand that your husband's mother is sentimental about clothes he wore as a baby now he is having his own. You don't need to use them, but at least wash them and put them away safely.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/10/2019 01:21

Your post makes me feel so sad.

I have saved a very select few of DS's clothes (wish I had been mature enough to have saved some of DD's) and hope one day to at least get a picture of DGG's in one or other of them, perhaps the communion tie.

DH's family have the Ugly Green Hand-Knit Sweater. High neck (tiny) very scratch, lime green. Horrible. Every single one of the children in the family have worn it to have a picture. 3 generations so far. And counting. None of us would ever have made anyone wear it for real, but as a sentimental item, it is a treasure.

HUZZAH212 · 18/10/2019 01:30

Oh god please don't chuck them she'll be so upset. DGC is 3mths old and her mum has already earmarked the little bits she'll be keeping. You'll probably do the same yourself OP. It treasure not trash.

HUZZAH212 · 18/10/2019 01:39

How would you feel if you pass on the lovely clothes you've specially selected for your baby to an expecting friend in the future, if she was to shove them back at you and say 'ewww no! I dont want those awful tatty things I'll just bin them!'.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/10/2019 01:52

God there are some horrid people on here. Some of you would do well to remember you might be a MIL on day and with the attitudes you have yiu deserve to end up lonely old hags. Just smile OP and be touched she cares enough for you and her gc to be willing to give you something that is precious to her.

cabingirl · 18/10/2019 02:03

Would you feel different if it was a piece of clothing you had worn as a baby and now you put your own baby in it? Maybe you are just not very sentimental.

My Mum kept just a few special items of clothing I had worn and gave them to me when I had my baby 37 years later. I loved taking a picture of my little girl in the same dress and tops I have pictures of me in. I really hope they might even keep for the next generation.

To be honest I only ever used them briefly for an afternoon and took some photos but mainly because I didn't want to risk them getting spoiled with anything.

Ceefa2 · 18/10/2019 02:13

I recently found some of my eldest DD's clothes from when she was a baby. They were stashed away in a bag at the back of my late mum's wardrobe. I had no idea my mum had kept them! I even found one of MY baby dresses in there from when I was a toddler - I recognised it because I have a photo of me in it when I was about 2 🙂 (think brown, 70's floral dress 😆).

My DD is 26 and is hoping to have a baby next year. But there's no way I would expect my DD to dress the baby (if it's a girl) in the nearly-30 years old clothes. Whilst they are cute and clean, they are definitely 'of their time'.

Just thank her and pack them away. Wait a few months and ask if she'd like them back or just keep them for memories.

Fuma · 18/10/2019 02:19

Jfc. You know that man you love, the one you're having a baby with? Well those grufty old clothes were the clothes that his mother dressed him in when he was fresh and new in the world and your mil was young and besotted with her baby, just like you'll be besotted with your baby. She's kept them safe all these years out of love and giving them to you is a bigger gift for her than going to gap or whatever. Don't be a dick.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 18/10/2019 03:28

You sound really mean OP.

As MIL issues go, this is nothing. She's reminiscing about when your DH was a baby. In the absence of a drip feed of her being a controlling nutter, this is adorable.

Just let her enjoy her grandchild in this way. Give them a wash, pop them on the baby for a photo, text the photos to her, change your baby into something you deem suitable. When your baby grows out of the outfits, give them back to her!

Good god, pick your battles. And be grateful that she's so interested in your child.

Oakandlove · 18/10/2019 03:41

don't be so snide. It's very cruel. Put them on your baby and send her a photo and bear in mind you'll be dealing with this in the future and hoping that even if you were not kind noe; someone will be to you in the future and that is karma.

Honeybee85 · 18/10/2019 04:42

To you they are just old rags but to your MIL they have sentimental value. She has given you some things that though they have no monetary value anymore, are precious to her. She means well.

Therefor I would be careful on how to handle this.
As others have said, take a couple of photos of baby in the stuff, put back on baby’s nice clothes, send the photos to MIL and you have done her a huge favour.

Kindness goes a long way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2019 05:10

Dd wore some of my clothes as a baby. They had hardly been worn. Maybe you’ll understand once your baby is here. I agree with the take pics comments and return when too small.

PurrBox · 18/10/2019 05:15

This is making me so sad.

I agree with Fuma: You know that man you love, the one you're having a baby with? Well those grufty old clothes were the clothes that his mother dressed him in when he was fresh and new in the world and your mil was young and besotted with her baby, just like you'll be besotted with your baby. She's kept them safe all these years out of love and giving them to you is a bigger gift for her than going to gap or whatever. Don't be a dick.

pingoose · 18/10/2019 05:18

For gods sake, in what world do you jump from sentimental mother to senile??

YABU. And if you think you aren’t, I hope you get a DIL like yourself one day.

cantfindname · 18/10/2019 05:20

I don't see why she can't buy her GC new current clothes, rather than the tat she's given you from 30 years ago

Because she has obviously treasured these for years and kept them as a memory. It probably cost her a lot to give them away, even for her new GC. To her, they mean much more than secondhand tat.

I have a picture of my daughter wearing a dress that had been mine. It had been saved for many years and had been made and smocked by my Grandmother. She only wore it once, for a photo, but it was very special to all involved plus she looked adorable

I am sure she will also buy new clothes when the time is right. And I would almost guarantee she is feeling sad at finally having parted with her son's precious clothes, even for her new GC.

NoSauce · 18/10/2019 05:23

Dramatic and goady OP. Well done you got the response you were after.

Rachel438 · 18/10/2019 05:29

@getthesprinkles yes - YABU and an ungrateful cow.

Why haven't you revisited the thread?

transformandriseup · 18/10/2019 05:31

I don't get how people get worked up about small stuff like this. I was passed a few 30 year old baby grows from my MIL and although we never used them, I realise what they meant to her.

RingtheBells · 18/10/2019 05:32

Keeping old baby clothes is no different to keeping old tat like schoolbooks, drawings and birthday cards as many do. She is obviously the sentimental type so I would just wash, take photos or visit with said clothes and then either return or have a washing accident. I have never understood the keeping of old stuff and got rid of everything as soon as I could but others keep stuff for ages but then that is what they like to do.

Jimdandy · 18/10/2019 05:35

My kids do not and will never wear second hand clothes. I can afford to buy new and it’s just something I like. I like choosing my own and cutting tags and seeing them in completely stain free/bobbly clothes.

When I had both my DCs I noticed a lot of friends trying to dump their baby clothes on me. I was firm and just said, thanks but we have loads of clothes already, I’m bursting at the seams.

Some still used to bring bags around and say I brought it with me so you see. Most were mildly stained and/or bobbly. Even when they were brought around, my firm no it’s alright was occasionally met with I’ll just leave them so they ended up filling my wheelie bin instead of theirs!

I think they couldn’t bare to bin them themselves!

The worst was a friend who bought loads around after I said no and then said she was looking for 50p and item😂😂