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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave the children at home while they’re napping?

453 replies

ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 16:43

Please hear me out.

House has a driveway outside, and then the street. On the other side of the street is a playground which my DS aged 4 loves. We go out there to play as often as we can but usually all four of us (me, DS, his younger brother aged 2, and newest addition our 5 month old baby).

I’m considering, in order to be able to spend a little quality 1:1 time with DS, taking him occasionally across the street while the other two nap. House is alarmed. I have baby monitors looking into their cots - the two year old cannot get out of his cot yet and in any case there’s also a baby gate at the door.

But really any sign of movement or noise from either of them and I get an alert on my phone.

The time it takes to get back home from the playground realistically is around 1 minute.

Is this a terrible idea? I’ve thought about the risks of them choking or something but also think that I would be able to get back home in the same time as it would take me to get to them if I was for example in the shower!

Does it sound fine or is it a risk no one else would take?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
MyDcAreMarvel · 17/10/2019 19:12

No I definitely have not stayed in the room every time the babies have been sleeping for six months. Has anyone??
Yes , I have , most people follow the guidelines to prevent cot death, why would you not? It’s really odd behaviour to knowingly increase your babies risk of death for convenience.
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/

coconuttelegraph · 17/10/2019 19:13

I'm pleased to see that this perennial question has got all the responses required to fill the MN bingo card

  • house spontaneously combusts
  • references to the McCanns
  • wrong information on the law of leaving children alone
- never let you baby out of your sight
  • what if you are in a car accident
  • my garden is longer than that

and so on Grin

RolytheRhino · 17/10/2019 19:16

No I definitely have not stayed in the room every time the babies have been sleeping for six months. Has anyone??

Yep. That's what Moses baskets are for.

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 19:17

Wow, I can’t believe I got it so wrong... both questions that is! Yes it is the 8 or so year olds I see walking alone so I guess that age is fine for playing outside with friends/going to the playground.

OP posts:
RolytheRhino · 17/10/2019 19:17

I'm pleased to see that this perennial question has got all the responses required to fill the MN bingo card

Nope, there's no LTB, no diagram and no name change necessitating a list of old MN references from the OP to prove they're not a troll.

Lennie16 · 17/10/2019 19:18

If you are asking- you know the risk is too great, risk of choking, fire and break in etc-those babies are totally reliant on you for their care, people always say- I didn’t think that would happen -it’s a safeguarding issue-babies and young children should not be left home alone and I would report you if I knew you-YABU !

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 19:21

My newest little DD didn’t like the Moses basket. She slept until 4mos in a Mothercare bassinet in the lounge where we all were - it was checked by the midwife as being perfectly appropriate, but at some point after 4mos we moved her into the other room as she started waking with the noise from the other two. I tried white noise etc but she still got disturbed, so it just made more sense to have her in the next room so she could nap in peace. Sure, I could sit in there with her every time she naps but that’s also when I’m trying to spend time with the other two. Gosh navigating this stuff is tricky! Well she’s almost six months now but I am grateful for all the advice about staying in the same room as her. Thank you.

OP posts:
Hagbeth · 17/10/2019 19:22

What if something happened to you?

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 19:23

Yes I obviously knew deep down it isn’t right and feels risky and wrong. I was just curious to know what others thought I guess. Good to know there is basically a consensus on this.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 17/10/2019 19:23

Don’t do it.

yellowallpaper · 17/10/2019 19:24

2 words to this I'm afraid. Madeleine McCan. Not necessarily kidnap etc, but thinking children are safe when in actual fact they're not for a variety of reasons.

chrisie16 · 17/10/2019 19:27

Madeleine McCann. She was left alone, while her parents went out for dinner. But hey. Off you go.

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 17/10/2019 19:29

My concern would be if something happened to you while you were out. Not the other way about. And say you were hit by a car and rushed straight to hospital - how long could it realistically be until they got in touch with someone who could tell them (or you could tell them) you had other kids at home. Then the kids have been left alone AND you have questions being asked about why.

Bourbonbiccy · 17/10/2019 19:31

What if something happened to you?

That was my first thought.

If it's 1:1 time, could it not be done in the garden, where you set up a really special play hour for him, his tent, trampoline, water game and a little picnic of all his favourite foods.

If if not a garden, create a big den in the lounge or dining room.

Just ideas, but going to the park, while in theory sounds fine in reality could go terribly wrong.

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 19:36

All very valid points about something happening to me or DS.

But I should point out it is NOTHING like the Maddie McCann situation. That restaurant was much much further away from the children than we are talking here. And the house was not visible from where the adults were.

But I definitely agree, it’s not worth the risk and I would be far too worried about something happening to me and people not knowing I had two kids at home!

OP posts:
Original poster
ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 19:37

Yes we do of course have 1:1 time at home, while the other two sleep. But I only wondered whether this other stupid idea was an option at all.

It’s not! And that’s totally fine!

OP posts:
coconuttelegraph · 17/10/2019 19:41

Nope, there's no LTB, no diagram and no name change necessitating a list of old MN references from the OP to prove they're not a troll

Sorry @RolytheRhino, you're right, I should have been more specific, my bingo card was the "Should I leave my small child(ren) at home" version Grin

And No I definitely have not stayed in the room every time the babies have been sleeping for six months. Has anyone??

definitely not me, this advice hadn't even been invented when my DC were babies, I left them alone in rooms every single day of their lives

LittlePaintBox · 17/10/2019 19:41

My mum thought it was absolutely essential to leave babies outside on their own in their pram for 'fresh air', Our back garden had a back gate and wasn't easily overlooked from any room in the house, so I told her it wasn't appropriate and she told me I was ridiculously overprotective. In the end, it's your call as a parent. I wouldn't do it.

(Ironically, my sister and I have worked out from our patchy memories of early childhood that my mum often went out to the shops while I was at school and left my sister in her cot on her own, which might account for her lifelong problems with anxiety.)

INeedNewShoes · 17/10/2019 19:55

The SIDs advice is relatively recent and often meets with raised eyebrows.

I read up on this as I wanted to start putting DD to bed upstairs (in my bedroom) at 4m as she seemed very ratty about me disturbing her peace downstairs.

One of the main reasons for the advice for baby to sleep in the same room is that if they are on their own and it is too silent they can 'forget' to breathe.

Another thing research shows is that SIDs risk peaks at 4-5m parents are often surprised about as we assume it's newborns who are most likely to be affected.

So it is a really bad time to leave your baby in absolute silence. It's different to baby being alone sleeping while you shower or do chores as you will be generating some noise doing these things.

At that age I didn't leave DD in silence and once she was asleep I would rattle around doing jobs until I went to bed at 10ish at which point we were in the same room.

savingshoes · 17/10/2019 19:55

How is that quality time? Surely a babysitter so you don't have to be on red alert is more quality time?
Or being downstairs so you don't have to walk that one minute walk back.

ThatMuppetShow · 17/10/2019 19:57

crispysausagerolls

ahem, can YOU read? The link states:

the law doesn't state an age when you can leave a child...

Never mind dear, as you were Smile

Mamasaurus82 · 17/10/2019 19:59

What if something happened to you?
Don't most accidents happen in the home?
I've hung the washing out in the garden whilst my DS has napped before (although wouldn't have whilst he was that young).
I left the back door wide open, had the monitor attached and popped back in every few seconds. I was so paranoidGrin.
I definitely don't think I would go over the road and don't think you should.

Bringonspring · 17/10/2019 20:00

Lots of good things you can do 1 on 1 with your child in the house.

Is there a neighbour who could just watch tv whilst uounpopped our?

WTFdidwedo · 17/10/2019 20:04

coconuttelegraph it has ticked all the boxes that's for sure. I do always love the McCann references on these threads. Because as we all know, going to a park a literal stone's throw from your house is ABSOLUTELY the same as leaving your three children unattended on a ground floor apartment accessible from the street in a foreign country whilst drinking with no way of seeing or hearing them.

In my brother's estate with a similar set up with a central park and barely any cars, the children go to the park from about age 5/6 with each other. Children play out with no supervison in my street from about 6/7.

carly2803 · 17/10/2019 20:05

no and i judge the shit out of anyone who considers this to be ok, nd anyone who does it.

no!!!!

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