To leave the children at home while they’re napping?

[ParkLife123]

Please hear me out.

House has a driveway outside, and then the street. On the other side of the street is a playground which my DS aged 4 loves. We go out there to play as often as we can but usually all four of us (me, DS, his younger brother aged 2, and newest addition our 5 month old baby).

I’m considering, in order to be able to spend a little quality 1:1 time with DS, taking him occasionally across the street while the other two nap. House is alarmed. I have baby monitors looking into their cots - the two year old cannot get out of his cot yet and in any case there’s also a baby gate at the door.

But really any sign of movement or noise from either of them and I get an alert on my phone.

The time it takes to get back home from the playground realistically is around 1 minute.

Is this a terrible idea? I’ve thought about the risks of them choking or something but also think that I would be able to get back home in the same time as it would take me to get to them if I was for example in the shower!

Does it sound fine or is it a risk no one else would take?

I think people don’t understand why there are guidelines. And why guidelines are set at zero tolerance levels. But it would be controversial to raise this point so I’ll just leave it at that.

I believe there are guidelines because the rate of infant death was higher than in other developed countries so the authorities felt compelled to do some research. Since the SIDs advice came into play the rate of cot death has reduced (I don't have time now but I'll try and link some stats later). So there must be something in it.

Sudden infant death isn't some fictional idea created to scare parents. The advice is there so that parents have some idea how to help prevent it.

As a new parent I needed the guidelines (I wouldn't have known about the dangers of soft toys, cot bumpers, overheating, sleeping in the same room overnight etc.) even if I chose to lean towards a more relaxed approach.

@hapoyspud please can you explain as I genuinely do not get what you mean by guidelines with zero tolerance

Guidelines have to be set at zero tolerance because some people will abuse them. So, alcohol for example. If the NHS stated alcohol was ok in moderation, someone’s idea of moderation may be half a bottle vodka rather than a full one. So you set it at the lowest possible limit so that it can’t be interpreted in a different way.

Zero tolerance is like the guidelines telling pregnant woman not to drink any alcohol, which is deemed the safest thing for the unborn baby. In reality it is probably perfectly safe to drink small amounts occasionally when pregnant but as no alcohol is absolutely the safest then that is the guideline. Same with car seats. The tests show that the safest is extended rear facing but other car seats are safe, just not as safe in the event of a serious accident.

I don't think it's about people abusing the guidelines, more misinterpreting and choosing the way which they think is best for them. Setting them at zero tolerance is absolutely appropriate on one level but it does lead to parents (mothers mainly) being open to the sort of vicious criticism that we have seen on this thread for just trying to live their lives and raise their kids.

Glad you aren’t doing it

I wouldn’t

But I can see why you would. It’s like being in an extended garden

I sit out in our back garden and sun depending can be at bottom of garden and that’s prob further away then your park

Obv I have a monitor

I would think about getting a cheap 2nd hand buggy then ca. So a trip to park when kids asleep

FFS, why is following the current guidelines such a big fucking deal for those with older children?
Meh meh meh I didn't do that and my kids survived. Well good for you! There were countless others who did exactly what you did and their children didn't survive. That's why the guidelines have changed.

Having a baby, especially your first and especially when you haven't been around them before is bloody terrifying! Any other parents here used to panic about finding their baby dead one day? I did. All the time. So I followed the guidelines so I knew that I did everything I could to keep him safe. Funnily enough I didn't see it as being OTT or daft because the alternative would have left me with a life time of guilt.

OP asked for opinion and those that have replied are pro and against. I reject the notion that I was a bad mother for being in another room while my under 6 month old slept. That is what was implied by some. If others want to stay by their child at all times, get on with that but OP asked and she got answers.

Omg! No not at all! Do something indoors while they are asleep jigsaws, singing, dress up do not leave the children alone ever!

And what about those who are saying parents who followed the guidelines are ridiculous? And the "never did me any harm" brigade? People seem to take it as a personal insult that others are following the current guidelines (many of which weren't in place when they had young children) and advising people to disregard the current guidelines based on nothing.

@Redspider1 guidelines change for a reason.
Just because your grandmother took thalidomide and smoked like a chimney during pregnancy doesn’t mean it’s ok for to tell the next generation that.

My children will have updates guidance. I won’t say “well it was good enough for you”, I will be happy that there is new guidance which makes life even safer for them and happy I followed the current guidance at the time not just generational advice.

You can go for a piss when your baby is napping. Seriously. No guideline says you can't do that. Leaving them alone for extended periods of time when they are asleep isn't recommended.

Oh and logically, you won't hear that your baby has stopped breathing when you vacuum so you either sit and watch them the whole time or you be sensible and don't leave them for hours and hours and do what you can to make sure they are otherwise sleeping safely.

Just because your grandmother took thalidomide and smoked like a chimney during pregnancy doesn’t mean it’s ok for to tell the next generation that.

You see, that's just stupid because my DGM never did because common sense taels you not to! Silly argument.

Why is MN so black and white? Popping to the park over the road(op says 1 min away) for 10 mins with a monitor is the same as playing in your garden.

OP's NOT going to do it.

Any other parents here used to panic about finding their baby dead one day?

No never, that level of anxiety isn't normal.

No never, that level of anxiety isn't normal

According to who? Because the drs, midwives and all the other mother's I know seemed to agree that it is.

Absolutely no way! For all the reasons people have said - in an emergency you'll need to be right there.

You can have 1 :1 time at home when they nap!

Any other parents here used to panic about finding their baby dead one day?
Yeah, I'd say the occasional bursts of anxiety are quire normal. Worrying all the time isn't though, that's when you want to ask for some help.

And not going for a pee in case they die while you're gone is just stupid. It doesn't make me think "great mum", it makes me think "highly anxious and will probably transfer their mental health problems onto the kid".

OP I completely agree with what everyone is saying on here that it's a terrible idea leaving them alone HOWEVER none of us are perfect parents, we are all just trying our best.

How about finding something the oldest likes to do at home like a new craft or hobbies they can practice with you when the others are sleeping.

He's years away from walking to the park on his own

So I emailed the lullaby trust.

Excellent reply 👍🏻

Not that I doubt you at all @ChilledBee, but that email could've been from or to anyone.

If it is them, email them back and ask about leaving the baby alone in the house while you pop to the park for with your older child. I'd quite like to see the response.