To ask you how much your DH/DP really does around the house?

[Pammync]

I’ve been reading with interest the recent threads about “man child” husbands who contribute very little inside and outside of the home. More than anything, I was surprised to see how many people don’t seem to think this is the norm and claim to have wonderful partners/husbands who contribute equal amounts to chores or even do the majority around the house! Where on earth do people find these miracle men?! I’ve been married twice (now divorced) and have had numerous LT relationships over the years. Every single man I have ever been with has been pretty much useless and reluctant to do anything without being nagged and even then it’s never to a good standard. Friends and family members who are married or in relationships all have had the same experience and consider it to be the norm.

Over the last few years I’ve remained single, resigning myself to the fact that men who are clean and tidy, want to proactively contribute to a clean household and share the load when it comes to chores in general simply don’t exist and I’m not suited to being in a relationship.

Reading through the hundreds of posts claiming that such behaviour isn’t the norm, I’m genuinely interested to hear what IS now the norm in your relationships re who does what around the house and how you share the load in general? If things have really changed I better get dating again.

Virtually nothing although he might empty the dishwasher on the weekend.

However, I'm a sahm of school age children so I think this is fair.

I do almost all the housework. We share the cooking and washing-up. He does all gardening and DIY type stuff. But... he works far far more hours than I do. I do wonder what would happen if I went back to work full time. We'd probably get a cleaner.

I work 25 hours a week and my husband works 40 hours a week. We have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.

The majority of childcare stuff does tend to fall to me but that’s because I spend more time with them than my husband does.

I do the bathrooms, the windows (inside), the polishing and the sweeping and all the laundry and ironing.

My husband does the weekly supermarket shop and he also cooks every night. He also loves doing the hoovering

Cleaning the kitchen is pretty much 50/50 although I do a much better job than he does

He’s very hands on with the children - absolutely no complaints there

Im a sahm, so i do the majority of the work, but we do split the jobs on the weekend. He cooks more often than me on weekends.
He comes home quite late in the evening from work, so we basically just have dinner and then the kids go to bed. He does their entire bath/bed routine by himself almost every night.
We split gardening stuff and do it together on weekends.
I dont think he knows where our vacuum cleaner is stored, but he does dishes and laundry sometimes.
He also helps out a lot when we are hosting something. On my birthday recently i didnt even have to get up. He made sure everyone had food/drinks constantly and kept washing dishes when needed. That was really nice, i just got to socialize and when everyone left most of it was clean already.

The only complaint i have is that he doesnt see it himself. He will do anything when i ask him to, but he just doesnt see what needs to be done.

For those of you with sons, teach them young.

One dad I know not only cleans the toilets, he's taught his 11 yr old to do it. He sees nothing remotely special about this, its the norm. In Denmark.

Absolutely fuck all. It's soul destroying.

We share the tasks very equally. We both work full time - dh is self employed so a bit more flexible with his time at home.

He does all the hoovering, mopping, bins, gardening, window cleaning, washing up, cleaning out pets, feeding pets, makes breakfast every day, after school snack for dd, school runs, hobby ferrying, general tidying around the house.

He does about 50% putting away laundry, cleaning the bathroom, dusting, changing beds.

I do pretty much all the cooking lunch / evening meal (he can cook, we just all like my cooking better and I enjoy it. His nights often involve take away which we all enjoy!), laundry - I am better at not randomly mixing colours, I tidy up the kitchen at night after dinner about 80% of the time, shopping - I meal plan and do the main shop he gets top ups when needed

We both keep the place tidy

I could not be with a man who was not able to share the load of housework

Has always does his share with children and general jobs.
Honestly, I wouldn't tolerate anything else.

He doesn't like cooking despite being well able, and only occasionally does it.

This irritates me at times when I'm feeling menopausal/cranky, but he eats everything and is very appreciative of my cooking.

I will leave him to sort out dinner if I'm going out and he willing steps up.

I really think it is a start as you mean to go situation.
If a guy lives in a filthy apartment, well it can hardly be a surprise he's not great at doing jobs and is lazy.

I wouldn't have progressed my relationship 30 years ago if my husband was living in a fleahole.

Likewise when we moved into together after we were engaged. It wouldn't have lasted if he was a lazy git.

I wouldn't have settled for that.

I'm too selfish to compromise my life for an inadequate partner

That certainly doesn't sound selfish to me.

I was lucky the guy I liked then loved was also responsible.

ime "then loved" wouldn't have happened if he was a sexist arsehole who expected me to be his servant because I have a vagina

DH does more than his fair share really. He works full time and I'm a SAHM with depression.

He does all the cooking. Does a large part of the childcare when he's home. Does some washing up and laundry. Does bathtime. Does bedtime for 1 year old. Sleeps with 1 year old most nights as he's a terrible sleeper. Takes the kids and goes to stay with his parents once a month to give me quiet.

He used to do even more before I started medication. He honestly is amazing.

DH works full time in an office and I'm P/T self employed as a domestic cleaner/gardener. I do all the cleaning in the house (surprise!), all the washing and gardening.
He'll deal with any DIY, bins and the dishwasher.
We're both in our 50s and I've talked about maybe cutting back on my cleaning as it's doing my back in and he calls me LAZY!
Says that we have to both work in our retirement.
OK for him, but no flipping way am I doing hard manual work into my 70s!

Dh (occasionally) mows the lawn, puts out the bins, dumps his plate in the sink 'to soak' (rarely makes it to the dishwasher eighteen inches away), will start the vacuuming (it can take three days to finish this enormous three bed semi detached, not!), ummm what elsewhere?
Quite frankly I've given up after 40+ years, he's bloody lazy. Full stop.
Mind you, if we have visitors they think he's Mr Perfect, solicitous and tidying up all the time makes me bloody furious

He gets up with the kids in the morning, and wakes me up with a cup of tea. He does the school run whilst I head off to work. He does maybe 70% of the laundry washing, drying, folding, and probably the same amount of kitchen clearing duties, wiping, stacking, washing stuff. He does most of the vacuuming, I do most of the mopping. He’s about as likely to start a big declutter clearout as me but he is more ruthless with his. Homework and bedtime are approx 50/50 but I am more likely to do baths. He is more likely to be on after school club taxi duty. I do nearly all the cooking because I like it, but we shop and plan meals together. I do most of the painting, window cleaning, mowing and weeding but he does most of the bin duty, DIY, hedge cutting and repairs.

If I made a list of everything and assigned time values to each I reckon we’d end up about 50/50.

My dh - does the dishwasher

• Does the laundry
• Does the ironing
• Does the bins
• Does the gardening stuff
• Changes bedding

Generally keeps the place equally clean and tidy, cleans the house if he needs to etc. I do the proper full house cleaning, cooking, child related stuff, shopping and life admin stuff bday etc, he does bank and bills mostly.

It’s not hard

He'll do diy, shop and cook. He works away and I only work 2 hrs a day so seems fair to me.

Both ex husbands did fuck all in either house or garden despite me working full time and being disabled. Tey should be deeply ashamed bit they are not.
Now I live alone the house is immaculate 24/7.

@madcatladyforever glad they're eses now

exes*

I have been married twice and first husband was pretty good around the house and would always do his share we both worked but he started and finished earlier than me and always did housework before I got in he wasn’t a great cook so I did most of that but he did plenty other things to balance it out.

Second and current dh probably does a bit more than me again we both work I do all of the food shopping, most of the household admin and running the dc here and there so again he’s often in before me so he will crack on. He does nearly all the washing as it’s my least favourite job we both will do dishes one of the dc will cook a meal (teenagers) on the nights they are run before us but I’m a better cook do again I do most of the rest.

It’s not just dh I expect to pull their weight I expect the dc to as well. Two are old enough to let themselves in after school or stay home during the holidays so they are expected to muck in and contribute to the running of the house as well. We all live here and all eat and make the mess it’s all our jobs to clean it up again.

I don’t think it is or should be the norm my fil, bil and my own dad have always been equal in their share of housework too many people make excuses for men and enable them to do bugger all. I am not here to serve everyone and I wouldn’t be with someone that expected me to b

I'm a SAHM with a three year old and a newborn so DP does the hoovering (it's too heavy for me to do whilst wearing a baby that won't be put down), irons his own clothes, changes his own bed sheets (me and baby are in the spare room at the moment), cleans the en-suite in his room, does the main food shop (I do a top up shop in the week), deals with all the maintenance of the house and the family car and cuts the grass. In addition he works full time and goes to the gym for three hours, three nights a week.

He complains that his Mum was a SAHM with two children and did everything herself with no help from FIL but he was at school when his sister was born so she only had one child to look after during the day. Also PIL live in a small three bedroom terrace house with one bathroom and a tiny garden. We have a large four bedroom house with two bathrooms, a kitchen twice the size and a huge garden.

I tell DP the house will be a show home when the baby starts school!

My dh cooks a few times a week including every sunday a full roast. He cleans the kitchen most evenings, empties the dishwasher if hes in the kitchen and it needs to be done. Takes the bins out. All the DIY. Puts dd to bed every evening (I do ds) and both when I'm at work. Basically he does what needs to be done, he doesn't leave it to me. The only thing he doesn't do is the washing.

I work term time only, DH works full time from home (self employed).

He - empties and puts out the bins, walks and feeds the dog, empties the dishwasher every morning. Mows the grass. Cleans the cars. Does all the washing for the family on a Friday, dries it all, folds it and puts it away.
I - tidy the house, Hoover, do all child admin, do meal plan/food shop, cook every night and clear kitchen after.

We have a cleaner every week so neither of us do much actual cleaning. But I’d say on balance he does more than me.

This has made me think.

Mine probably does more than me. He does most of the cooking (I’m a shit cook so he prefers it) and usually washes up as he goes along. He has little tidy ups ever day too, and does a lot of the dusting and hoovering and mowing the lawn. And usually the laundry.

I do most of the ‘deeper cleaning’, like the bathroom/kitchen/oven when it needs doing. I also do most of the diy and general fixing of things (I don’t think he knows how to change a lightbulb). And all the budgeting, utility switching/paying, remembering of birthdays and buying gifts.

I suppose we are pretty even actually!

Been married 26 years, neither of us is particularly tidy or house-proud, but rather fond of home-cooked food. Basic attitude is that we each want the best for each other and would be embarrassed to be lazy when the other person is working. So our contributions have ebbed and flowed according to what else is going on in our lives. Whoever is at home and unoccupied when something needs doing does it. A few years ago, he was commuting 6 hours a day, so I did the cooking and laundry, cleaning got done at weekends if at all. Now I am working a 60hr+ week, so he does nearly all the cooking and laundry (apart from what is done by our 19yo), again cleaning gets done at weekends. He is the one who cares about ironing (and finds it quite relaxing) so he does that: I would just never recognise it as something that needed doing.

In our families this is normal. His dad retired in the 60s and took over the role as SAHP while his (much younger) mum became the family breadwinner. My dad did all the everyday cooking at home and the heavy cleaning, while mum did anything to do with sewing, mending, ironing, dusting etc.

Very grateful for my husband. I'm a SAHM and he still does loads. He... Gets up with our toddler in the night and morning.
Cleans bathrooms
Bins out
Does kids bath time
Cooks once or twice a week
Empties the dishwasher if needed
Folds dry washing
Gardening and anything else if I ask him to.