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Original poster

Sleeping arrangements with new baby

333 replies

NCsleep · 16/10/2019 06:39

NC as DSis is on here and DH knows I post.
We are expecting our first DC any day now, currently 40 weeks. DH will be taking paternity leave for 2 weeks and then going back to FT work, fairly stressful job and he's currently out of the house approx 8am-7pm.

He has said that after paternity leave has finished, he'll "have to" sleep in the spare room as he won't be able to function at work with such broken/lack of sleep. He moans now about being knackered with 7+ or 8 hours sleep while I'm getting sod all sleep as am so uncomfortable Hmm

I think that is slightly unreasonable as I'll be knackered too and it's our first baby - also neither of us know quite what to expect yet and how well DC will sleep etc. So I don't feel like we can plan that far ahead yet, whereas he seems to have it in his head that this is what is going to happen.

How do others deal with night times when their DP goes back to work? Some people i know do "shifts" but DH said he couldn't do his job properly if we did this.

I am planning on EBF (so it would be a case of me feeding and him doing nappy changes I guess) and he is generally great, absolutely pulls his weight and will be a good dad so it's definitely not a "why are you having a baby with him"/LTB situation!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 18/10/2019 07:42

Dp shared the night waking and had a "mentally taxing job". I had one too once I went back to work. The idea that one parent should be able to opt out of one of the most difficult parts of parenting, or that a loving partner would choose to prioritise their own sleep while their partner struggled on seems bizarre to me.

Fowles94 · 18/10/2019 08:26

My partner works 12 hour shifts so needs sleep, however he keeps little one with him till 11 so I can get 2 hours sleep and then I have him. He ends up with 6 hours on a working day but can obviously have a lie in past 5.30am on days off so I let him catch up. I Co sleep with 16 month old and little man is in the crib next to me. I think your husband is reasonable.

Foggycannonball · 18/10/2019 10:33

We had a cot with a dropped side next to my side of the bed, mattresses side by side. I could reach our baby and feed him and would spend a lot of time just lying next to him worshipping him. It never disturbed my husband next to me. Husband slept better with me than apart, the sleeping sounds of others in the room helped him settle and sleep well. I frequently did nap during the day when my lovely boy slept.

Abouttimemum · 18/10/2019 10:44

My husband has a mentally and physically taxing job and shared the nights. We couldn’t put our baby down for the first couple of months so either he helped or I got absolutely no sleep whatsoever.
I slept when he came in from work from 7pm then I covered 11pm - 5am and he got up and gave me a 2 hour break before he went to work. I wasn’t breastfeeding though so obviously we could do that.

Once baby settled down hubby did 10pm feed I did the middle of the night one and hubby did the early morning one 5/6am. He would sleep in the spare room on a Friday night and I would sleep in the spare room on a Saturday night so we each got a full nights sleep.

Once baby dropped his night feeds at 4 months we just went back into our bedroom and shared any rare night wakings and alternated the 6am feed.

my husband used to say to me that if he didn’t help out then he’d never see his son so what is the point in that!? He still does bath time / bed time during the week as that’s daddy time.

Vampyress · 18/10/2019 10:46

No matter where baby is, unless you are exhausted beyond all comprehension you are going to wake up when that baby cries, its like a bloody fog horn going off in your ear (thanks biology). There's 1 yr 3 months between my toddler and his baby brother. My now 1 year old co-sleeps with me and has since day 1 as it helped me with nursing and keeping up on sleep. When we switched to formula, hubby started taking the 9-12 shift and would deal with any wake ups during that time whilst I recharged. What helps is my hubby and I have different bedrooms as he snores and I talk in my sleep so we get a better nights sleep separately. 12 year and still have plenty of love and because we sleep so well, rarely fight either :)

I love co-sleeping with my son, he will be my last baby so figured a wee bit of rule breaking wouldn't hurt. When he snuggles under my chin and strokes my hand in his sleep there isn't a life problem that doesn't melt away Smile.

SeaSandandSun · 18/10/2019 13:48

I used to go to bed at 9pm after feeding DD at 7. DH would then feed her at 11 and go to bed. I would do any night feeds then he would get up with her at 7 and feed her. It meant both of us got a block of sleep.

She was bottle fed from 3 weeks so it worked for us. If you are EBF then he can’t feed so you will have to get up. Even on weekends!

Anotherusernam3 · 19/10/2019 06:43

We did this, once baby was born OH was in with us for a night but it was pointless as I was EBF so he moved into the spare room and would take the baby first thing in the morning whilst on paternity leave. Once he was back at work he stayed in the spare room and I didn’t get him to take the baby, I was conscious that as he rode a motorbike to work and had a stressful job I would rather him have a decent sleep. I would always nap in the morning when the baby did then crack on. It worked for us, we didn’t plan it, it just happened. I know plenty of others would disagree but I think you should wait until baby is here and then see what works for you. It might be that once the baby is here he can take them on a weekend so you can rest, just make sure you’re open and talk to him about it and don’t hold onto any feelings as they’ll build up, it’s best to be honest if you’re struggling with sleep etc once he’s back at work. Good luck x

Asthmasuffer · 20/10/2019 21:56

I think he is just trying to being realistic however it's also unknown territory for you both plus you don't know how you will feel after your birth and you need to fully recover! Your rest is an important part of the healing process. I bf my DC and some of our most precious moments were early hour feeds, it's such an amazing bonding experience for them too. My partner would have a cuddle, wind and change DC then pop him back in his crib. He was pretty much always up (his choice) and functioned just fine. Do what works for you. Everyones experiences and preferences are different but if your not happy about anything voice your concerns, maternity leave can be lonely. We were pretty much in bed for 7:30/8pm with supplies, water, nuts/seeds and detrox tablets. You will probably find his comments will all go out the window when baby is here. He will be smitten and it's hard for dads too they don't want to leave. Good luck. Enjoy every moment the time goes by far too fast

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