Issues with son - gf and my work

[DBML]

Hi, I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.

My son is 14. He’s a good looking boy. I’m a teacher in a different school.
A group of girls from my work found DS in social media and followed him. I warned him not to follow back.
Three months later I learn:
A) he followed back
B) he’s been speaking to one girl
C) he’s met up with her near our home

I don’t know what to do/say. I have supported all of his friendships, but I can’t have a pupil to my home and I won’t let him go to a parents home.

I found out what was going on when a group of kids began ‘teasing’ me let’s say, in work.

I have taken all his devices this evening and he’s devastated because ‘he really likes her’, but I’m worried that it’s going to eventually cause issues for me at work and possibly at home as we live quite close to school.

Aibu? Wwyd?

Thank you

Lots of my friends are teachers and they have always welcomed other children into their homes. I think that is really unfair on your son. You set ground rules: at home you are DS's Mum. In school you are a teacher.

Students find out where teachers live all the time just by passing by, always going to happen unless teachers wear a disguise every time they leave or enter their houses. I can see how it can be a bit awkward but am still a bit perplexed by your post.

Just to remind people.

My son does not attend my school.

He has made a serious error of judgement meeting in person someone who he only ever spoke to over the internet, especially whilst lying to me about where he was going. She could have turned out to be anyone.

My son does attend my husbands school and we welcome pupils into our home often...because they go to school with my son.

We have a solution - peg 5.

FFS would people please RTFT! This is not a mainstream school, school policy discourages pupils knowing where teachers are and DS has broken the ground rules including basic internet safety rules and lying to his mum.

My apologies

OP unfortunately people are not getting why the situation is bad. I think most understand your concerns do you should focus on how to best resolve situation for yourself and family. No need to keep justifying your reasons. Goodluck I’m sorting this out I wish you the best x

My son slept at his teachers house because he’s friends with her son! Surely you can’t choose his friends for him! Maybe find a job further away so your son can actually be a normal teenager

Apologies, I hadn’t RTFT 🙈

You can't ban your son from associating with pupils at the school you work with, that's ridiculous. Fair enough that they can't come over, but taking away all his devices and punishing him for having a girlfriend? That's a massive overreaction. He can still have a social life outside of your house, he's 14 for goodness sake! Would you rather he snuck around behind your back and felt he couldn't talk to you about his personal life?

I'm glad you're going with a solution that works for you op but I've been a bit shocked at how naive some posters are here.

can’t imagine some school kids knowing where you live being a problem OP.
Er, mine was a mainstream school with average students (ie a normal comprehensive in a poor area, but not especially violent or with unusual student dynamics) and there was constant low level issues when local teachers addresses became public. I remember one particularly bad Halloween where the usual bog roll and couple of eggs being thrown descended into car damage, after it got out of hand (police involved and everyone hauled into assembly the next day). This was with a head of year and an English teacher couple who were fairly well liked in the school too.

It's v v v rarely a good idea to blur work and home boundaries if you're a teacher, too risky in 99% of cases.

WalkiesPlease he is not being punished for having a girlfriend. RTFT

After reading your solution I can see what you mean about him being neive. Didn't realise she was a stranger I think this shows how much we need to sleep stuff out to teenagers and instead of saying strangers on the internet, say things like. Don't meet people you've only ever met online in real life.

I can really see your concerns regarding internet safety and think you've been very sensible he definitely needs to earn back your trust. Treat this as a near miss and glad you're line manager has given some helpful advice

Would you rather he snuck around behind your back and felt he couldn't talk to you about his personal life?

That's literally what he did and why he is in trouble.