Issues with son - gf and my work

[DBML]

Hi, I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.

My son is 14. He’s a good looking boy. I’m a teacher in a different school.
A group of girls from my work found DS in social media and followed him. I warned him not to follow back.
Three months later I learn:
A) he followed back
B) he’s been speaking to one girl
C) he’s met up with her near our home

I don’t know what to do/say. I have supported all of his friendships, but I can’t have a pupil to my home and I won’t let him go to a parents home.

I found out what was going on when a group of kids began ‘teasing’ me let’s say, in work.

I have taken all his devices this evening and he’s devastated because ‘he really likes her’, but I’m worried that it’s going to eventually cause issues for me at work and possibly at home as we live quite close to school.

Aibu? Wwyd?

Thank you

At JFK Airport. Not being JFK ha

Wrong thread, Caucho?

Are you advising others to "think before you post"?

I appreciate I went off on a tangent but not completely unrelated. Don’t want to derail though and as to think before you’re post I’m not sure what you’re referring to if specific to me but is good advise and should have put more thought into it

It would seem that some pp have missed the nuances of your particular working situation, OP.

If this girl is part of a group of behaviourally challenged females who have hunted your ds down, she may be the hook that is used to persuade him to reveal information about himself and you/your family which could lead to all sorts of mischief on their part.

This is not a comfortable position for you to be in and, in your shoes, I think I would tell ds in no uncertain terms not to associate with her/these females or communicate with her/them by any means otherwise further sanctions will be forthcoming and he may find himself grounded.

He can save face and let himself off the hook by claiming he's too busy with his studies/sporting activities etc to continue the association and by being pleasant in a 'hi, how are you, must dash' way if he encounters them while out and about.

Any such instruction should be accompanied by a list of unambiguous reasons why he must avoid them, after which you can only hope that he is mature enough to keep contact to a minimum and not be flattered, lulled, dared or coerced into disobeying you.

Needless to say, daily checks of his phone history will be necessary as will keeping an eagle eye out for any sign that he's telling you untruths about his contact with them.

Ask his df to reinforce what you are saying in the strongest possible terms as you and yours are all at risk of possible harm if he doesn't follow orders.

Oh I see. When I said think before you post I meant someone labelled as Joe Bloggs with their true name, pic, telephone number acting in a chewing the fat / joking manner only for it to pop up in a job application.

I’m not actually called Caucho so hope this won’t happen to me in the short term but have no doubt intelligence services can’t marry anything together. Just hope it’s not something available to a Tesco job

I got what you were saying in your post at 01.50, Caucho, but I couldn't resist using your words as they were particularly apt when drawing attention to your error in posting here.

I completely understand your position.

It is strange that they were looking for you. I would want to know why. I would also worry that with them requesting to follow your ds that they did it for a reason and not a good one. Think you need to speak to your line manager and ds about this.

I think you’re massively overreacting! My mum was a teacher and my brother went to her school so she would have his friends round all the time, and I also made friends with kids from her school and I’d invite them round too.

It's not your son's fault his parents are both teachers, it's cruel your trying to break his relationships up because of your working dynamic.

I think you’re massively overreacting! My mum was a teacher and my brother went to her school so she would have his friends round all the time, and I also made friends with kids from her school and I’d invite them round too.

And I think you’re massively missing the point. It would seem that OP works in a school for those with challenging behaviour so the situation isn’t as simple and straightforward as your mother’s.

Are you being a snob op? You teach at a pru or similar and you don't want your golden boy mixing with riff raff??

Ffs, thebakerwithboobs, have you deliberately set out to provoke?

Children who attend PRUs come from all walks of life and the OP's concerns have absolutely NOTHING to do with her being a snob and everything to do with her 'golden boy' being targeted by girls who may have ulterior motives.

Despite taking every precaution to safeguard her family the OP has, through no fault of her own, found herself in an unenviable position where there is possible or potential risk of harm to those she cares about most in the world and she can't afford to ignore it or pretend it's not happening.

Oh for goodness sake, some kind of special needs school, behavioural problems etc. You don’t have kids who may have been excluded from mainstream with possible, emotional, behaviour problems at your home, when you work in that environment.
Kids can be manipulative, confrontational, downright dangerous.
That’s what she’s alluding to.
Ban son, explain all this, and try and get him to see the inherent problems.

Kids can be manipulative, confrontational, downright dangerous

They most certainly can, Greenleaveslaughing, and these undesirable qualities are not by any means confined to "riff raff".

Yes I can understand why this could be very worrying. Do you know the girl in question? This could also be an elaborate wind up from a bunch of children at the school to get your son alone to hurt him. I really do hope not. He needs to go with meeting in a public place and a good understanding of safeguarding himself. He could even be ambushed in public loos for example.

I don’t have a teen this age. Does your ds understand the sort of behavioural issues some children have at the school? What resources do you have access to that you would be allowed to share with him? Can you give him information about the sort of challenges faced in a school like yours? Maybe staff at school could point you to some information. I have seen a tv programme about children from the type of school you’re intimating. Small classes, non cooperative kids violence - as well as some kids engaging - etc.

There was this teacher at school who was really angry that some students had found her on social media and wanted them punished for adding her. She was searchable by full name. I did speak to the students and say it was inappropriate to send the request but actually, staff (and their families) should have their privacy settings set so they aren't easily searchable.

Maybe this is a small town thing but how did they know his name anyway?

presuming you have your social media accounts set up to avoid being found, i would suggest your son does the same

What’s a PRU?

pupil referral, although google would have told you @notheduch

@DonKeyshot well no, not at all, I just don't see what ulterior motives these girls have actually shown? They found the son on social media-as adults, that seems odd as we didn't grow up with it but actually that's perfectly normal for children nowadays. The son has made a friend and nothing untoward appears to have happened. Children from the husband's school are allowed to be friends but not from the OP's own school. It's not ME suggesting they're riff raff, I simply don't see why there would be blanket ban on friendships from one school and not on the other unless a sweeping generalisation is being made about pupils in the OP's own school.

Yeah, this isn't a good way to handle it op. There is no reason your son can't be friends with a pupil from your school, just like there is no reason he can't be friends with pupils from his own/your husbands school. The pupils are individuals, not one mass.

If you've got concerns and can't cope with the idea, speak to your manager, but the way you've treated your son here is not ok.

Your DD needs to respect your rules and block the girls. If you're working in a PRU/AP setting your work life is tough enough already!

Does he realise he's being used to get at you? Time you spelled it out.

I’m a teacher and so is DH. DS went out with girl at DH’s school. She was a boarder in the 6th form and would come and stay
Over at weekends. I don’t see what the issue is.

Read what NearlyGranny has to say, baker.

If you read the thread all will be revealed, ChilledBee.

Sorry - but I don't understand this self- imposed policy.

Would you rather son meets girl entirely outside you home? Why not have some semi supervision / getting a sense of the lay of the land?

And, yes, have RTFT