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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friend stood me up again - AIBU in thinking that she needs to grow up a bit

134 replies

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 11:41

It's a little bit long but stick with it.

So my friend was meant to meet me a few weeks ago. I travelled to see her, went into the place and waited for an hour and she didn't show up. She then messaged me telling me that her grandad was in the hospital and that she had to go because her parents were on holiday and she didn't know if her sister was around.

Me being a (reasonably) nice person said that she needed to go and not worry about me. We would rearrange.

We rearranged for the Friday just gone. I found a place for us to go and grab some food and I would once again go to her. I asked her what time to book a table for. She didn't get back to me, I then followed up the next day saying we really needed to book a table because you can't just show up. She then told me she would have a browse for somewhere so I left it at that. The day before I messaged her to find out if she had found somewhere and she said not yet but we would just meet and go somewhere. I then messaged her on the day because she hadn't given me a time and she told me she would be on the train at 3:30 so she would meet message me and let me know what time she arrived back and then we could go from there.

She messaged me at 4:30 telling me that she was running to the train station and what time I would be free from so I told her I finished at 5. I didn't hear anything after that so I waited for her and still didn't hear anything. I assumed I had been stood up again, I then went on to Instagram the next day and she had posted a story of her attending a concert near where she works but she still didn't message me.

She messaged me yesterday telling me that her train had been cancelled and her mum had broken down on the way to pick her up, which I know is a lie. She only messaged me because I posted that I was having a good day with another friend.

I haven't messaged her back but am I being unreasonable thinking that she just didn't want to meet me and that she's not really a friend?

OP posts:

Windydaysuponus · 15/10/2019 11:43

You are effectively pissing in the wind op...
Concentrate on your other friends.

yawnhedehihi · 15/10/2019 11:46

Block block block.

Herocomplex · 15/10/2019 11:46

God, I’d be furious. She’s got no manners. Don’t let her waste any more of your time.

lily2403 · 15/10/2019 11:47

I would have called her out on her lie then told her to piss off

Billballbaggins · 15/10/2019 11:48

Ignore her from now on, she’s definitely not your friend, sorry. She’s so rude

Witchinaditch · 15/10/2019 11:49

That’s so bizarre why say she’s on way to
meet you and then not turn up- makes no sense

anniemac1 · 15/10/2019 11:51

I have done this to people and have had it done to me. It is hurtful but sometimes people need a bit of space and don't know how to explain it. The other comments posted are also correct but only you know the full history of your relationship. You are obviously a thoughtful and well organised person but most people are not. Hopefully your friend will realise what a great friend you are. All the best.

AmIThough · 15/10/2019 11:52

Yeah she's not a friend.
What a knob.

Original poster

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 11:53

@lily2403 I have called her out on this morning because I was angry and hurt and needed to cool off. I'm awaiting a response.

OP posts:

HouseworkAvoider10 · 15/10/2019 11:56

Ghost her from now on.

gamerchick · 15/10/2019 11:57

I just dont see the point of stringing people along. Is it an extreme form of people pleasing at the time or inability to say no?

My ex was (still is) like that, it fucks people off.

Tell her to knob off OP.

anniemac1 · 15/10/2019 12:00

I hope it works out for you both. It is normal to feel these things . Do what is best for you. Good luck.

Sarcelle · 15/10/2019 12:04

She likes the power. Cut off the supply.

joyfullittlehippo · 15/10/2019 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 12:11

@joyfulllittlehippo I've worked that out now. I'm glad I didn't travel all the way to London to see her. I was meant to a few months ago but we had to reschedule due to me not having enough funds to travel but I gave her at least two weeks notice.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 15/10/2019 12:24

Infuriating behaviour. She’s telling you inadvertently that she’s not bothered about you OP. Don’t waste any more time on her.

iano · 15/10/2019 12:26

I'd be fuming. Block her rather than waiting for her excuse. She's not worth wasting anymore time on

Troilusworks · 15/10/2019 12:32

I don't think it's people pleasing. I think it's a sense of entitlement. They think they are more important than you and can keep all their options open until the last minute. After all something more enjoyable may turn up. Definitely block her. She's v rude. I always wonder how these people get friends in the first place. Or do they start off lovely and get flakier as they become more confident in the friendship.

Original poster

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 12:32

Update: I asked her how the band was and tried to call her out on it and she said it was a last-minute thing and perks of her job. She's asked if I'm around on Thursday to meet and she'll come to me.

Now I really need advice. What should I do?

OP posts:

Tooner · 15/10/2019 12:35

Tell her absolutely no. You are not willing to take the chance of being stood up again..

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 15/10/2019 12:35

Say no you’re not free

KatherineJaneway · 15/10/2019 12:37

Just say you are busy. She does not want to spend time with you. She might say she'll come to you but there will be an excuse nearer the time.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 15/10/2019 12:37

Now I really need advice. What should I do?

Tell her that you are free, arrange to meet her somewhere and then just don't turn up and apologise an hour or two later.

gamerchick · 15/10/2019 12:37

Say sure.... Then go out.

Or more grown up, just tell her you'll see her around.

Molly2017 · 15/10/2019 12:38

For me I’d just say sorry I’m busy on repeat. Why waste more time and effort on her?

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