My friend stood me up again - AIBU in thinking that she needs to grow up a bit

[NotHereToMakeFriends]

It's a little bit long but stick with it.

So my friend was meant to meet me a few weeks ago. I travelled to see her, went into the place and waited for an hour and she didn't show up. She then messaged me telling me that her grandad was in the hospital and that she had to go because her parents were on holiday and she didn't know if her sister was around.

Me being a (reasonably) nice person said that she needed to go and not worry about me. We would rearrange.

We rearranged for the Friday just gone. I found a place for us to go and grab some food and I would once again go to her. I asked her what time to book a table for. She didn't get back to me, I then followed up the next day saying we really needed to book a table because you can't just show up. She then told me she would have a browse for somewhere so I left it at that. The day before I messaged her to find out if she had found somewhere and she said not yet but we would just meet and go somewhere. I then messaged her on the day because she hadn't given me a time and she told me she would be on the train at 3:30 so she would meet message me and let me know what time she arrived back and then we could go from there.

She messaged me at 4:30 telling me that she was running to the train station and what time I would be free from so I told her I finished at 5. I didn't hear anything after that so I waited for her and still didn't hear anything. I assumed I had been stood up again, I then went on to Instagram the next day and she had posted a story of her attending a concert near where she works but she still didn't message me.

She messaged me yesterday telling me that her train had been cancelled and her mum had broken down on the way to pick her up, which I know is a lie. She only messaged me because I posted that I was having a good day with another friend.

I haven't messaged her back but am I being unreasonable thinking that she just didn't want to meet me and that she's not really a friend?

Friends don’t behave like this OP. Bear this in mind before you respond.

Nope - don't do it.
I guarantee that she will not turn up.

Definitely not. She is so rude. Did she not even apologise. As predicted, something better came up.

She didn't bother to message you.

Or say you're going and then stand her up. Bet she'd be fuming, that is if she turns up. People like this don't like the tables turned on them.

A very simple reply is justified - NO.

Dont bother shes a waste of time .

The dog ate my homework

A big boy did it and ran away

etc.

Don't stoop to her level by agreeing and not showing up. I wouldn't even bother saying you're busy, she'll try to arrange a different day. I'd tell her not to bother.

In abusive intimate relationships, the abuser is nice for a little while occasionally, because it keeps the victim hanging on, hoping that things might change. I'm not suggesting she's an abuser, but she's using the same tactics, just watered down.

Stop being a doormat and stop messaging her/arranging to meet her. She's a liar with zero respect for you. You surely think you deserve better than that? Life is too short

She doesn’t value your friendship. Don’t value hers.

Block

Just reply and say sorry, you won't be making any more specific arrangements to meet , as you can't afford the wasted time and money.

She will get all huffy and try to make out you are being unreasonable ( these kind of people always do this)

At this stage just say the real reason is that she outright lied to you and that isn't something you accept from friends, and it's better if the friendship is left at that.

Flakiness is frustrating but forgivable.

This is straight up lying.

Whether you give her another chance depends, I suppose, on what kind of friend she is. If she's been a good friend for many years and this is out of character, I'd reluctantly give her a chance to prove herself. If she's a recent friend, or if this is in character, cut bait.

This isn't a friend! Block, block and block some more.

She's not a friend. Friends don't take the piss like this woman. Don't make any more arrangements with her. Socialise with other friends, and just be breezily polite when she contacts you again.

I agree with wonkybanana.

Just tell her not to bother.

"nah ya alright"...all i would say

Don't go OP. Don't stand her up either, that's just petty. If it we me I'd just say no thanks, I've got plans. If she persists in trying to rearrange then you may need to be more blunt.

You are obviously a thoughtful and well organised person but most people are not

Thats a rubbish cop out. Fair enough plans change, but it doesnt take long to send a simple text telling the other person you can't make it.

I wouldn't have anything more to do with her.

What should I do?

^

Difficult... Really difficult....

It depends if you think the relationship long-term is worth trying to save. If not, you could just reply, "Sorry, no, I think it's probably best if we leave it for now."

How long have you known her? Has she been a good friend until recently?

I have plans....... and every other time she asks to meet say the same thing

tell her to get to fuck.

"Sorry I'm busy now for the next couple of weeks... I'll let you know."

Then just don't. Don't make her feel more any important than that.

How long have you known this personage? Does she have previous for fuckwittery? (Am guessing answer’s ‘yes’).

Anyway, this is the sort of situation ghosting was invented for. Do it. (Inspiring photo of a ghost attached).