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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend stood me up again - AIBU in thinking that she needs to grow up a bit

134 replies

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 11:41

It's a little bit long but stick with it.

So my friend was meant to meet me a few weeks ago. I travelled to see her, went into the place and waited for an hour and she didn't show up. She then messaged me telling me that her grandad was in the hospital and that she had to go because her parents were on holiday and she didn't know if her sister was around.

Me being a (reasonably) nice person said that she needed to go and not worry about me. We would rearrange.

We rearranged for the Friday just gone. I found a place for us to go and grab some food and I would once again go to her. I asked her what time to book a table for. She didn't get back to me, I then followed up the next day saying we really needed to book a table because you can't just show up. She then told me she would have a browse for somewhere so I left it at that. The day before I messaged her to find out if she had found somewhere and she said not yet but we would just meet and go somewhere. I then messaged her on the day because she hadn't given me a time and she told me she would be on the train at 3:30 so she would meet message me and let me know what time she arrived back and then we could go from there.

She messaged me at 4:30 telling me that she was running to the train station and what time I would be free from so I told her I finished at 5. I didn't hear anything after that so I waited for her and still didn't hear anything. I assumed I had been stood up again, I then went on to Instagram the next day and she had posted a story of her attending a concert near where she works but she still didn't message me.

She messaged me yesterday telling me that her train had been cancelled and her mum had broken down on the way to pick her up, which I know is a lie. She only messaged me because I posted that I was having a good day with another friend.

I haven't messaged her back but am I being unreasonable thinking that she just didn't want to meet me and that she's not really a friend?

OP posts:
theoriginalmadambee · 15/10/2019 13:14

Tell her you will arrange something for you both and don't ever get back with plans.

And then dump her, you don't need people who lie and think so little of you.

JenniR29 · 15/10/2019 13:14

Her behaviour has been awful and clearly she doesn’t value your friendship. I’d maybe agree to meet her but she has to do all the legwork and come to your house.

If she does use the opportunity to tell her how you feel, you might be able to work things out going forward, if she doesn’t show up then don’t contact her again.

Newyearnewme2019 · 15/10/2019 13:15

if it doesn't put you out, meet her

go with a view to see if her attitude is a bit off with your and/or let her know you're surprised she made it this time

treesurgery · 15/10/2019 13:16

Stop wasting your time. Just dump.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/10/2019 13:16

Arrange to meet her.
Don't show up
Post photos of you attending an event with another friend.

Then when she kicks off, say to her that you weren't impressed with how she did it to you and as a perk of your job/your friend's job, you were at this event as it was last minute.

Play her at her own game and give her a dose of what she dishes out!

Smelborp · 15/10/2019 13:17

Tell her you’re not free. Ever.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/10/2019 13:18

@SellmeyourMLMcrap Grinbest plan

MumW · 15/10/2019 13:20

If you don't want to remain friends, and TBH, I really can't see why wou would want to, then I'd say "After you stood me up twice without letting me know, you've got to be kidding FOTTFSOFATFOSM"

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/10/2019 13:20

I love the plans to do the same to her, her chances are it would be wasted and she's probably not show up again anyway

EssentialHummus · 15/10/2019 13:20

"Sorry I'm busy now for the next couple of weeks... I'll let you know."

I'd say this too. She's not a good friend OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/10/2019 13:26

I'd say 'You must think I'm an idiot. Goodbye and good luck.'

ILiveInSalemsLot · 15/10/2019 13:27

She dumps you when she gets a better offer.
I wouldn’t even bother to respond.

katseyes7 · 15/10/2019 13:29

Say you're busy. And keep saying you're busy. Or do the same thing to her. Make arrangements then find things crop up.
Personally, l'd be giving her a swerve. She's unreliable, and she's not a friend.

LionsHeart · 15/10/2019 13:34

I'm sorry - but I think she's taking you for a right mug. She's laughing at you.

"Look at this mug! I've stood her up TWICE and she STILL wants to meet me! Desperate or what!

Do the same back, or block & delete. Your choice how much crap you're prepared to take.

Sparkletastic · 15/10/2019 13:37

I'd reply 'Let's just leave it'
Then never contact her again

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/10/2019 13:38

"She's asked if I'm around on Thursday to meet and she'll come to me."

Two option -

  1. Say yes, and stand her up. Maybe text her an hour after the appointed time saying you can't make it, your budgie's unwell.
  2. Say no. But wait a couple of days before doing so.

She. Is. Not. Worth. Your. Consideration.

Seriously. Write off this 'friendship', she's a user of the highest order. Spend the time you'd waste on her with people who are your friends.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/10/2019 13:41

She's not worth the hassle. I'd not bother responding to her offer.

You do know the concert being last minute is a load of bollocks right? Plus if she was a proper mate she'd not have gone to the concert anyway and come and me you

AliceLittle · 15/10/2019 13:42

Tell her yes you'll go meet her and leave her hanging.

5zeds · 15/10/2019 13:44

Just say you’re busy on repeat.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/10/2019 13:53

'Sorry, I'm busy. Maybe another time'

Original poster
NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 13:54

Loads of you are saying to arrange and leave her hanging and although that is a good idea I'm too nice of a person and I would show up anyways.

I pushed her more about the concert and she said it was super early and she decided to attend whilst her train was delayed. Her train has gone from cancelled to delayed and no mention of her mum breaking down since.

OP posts:
neverornow · 15/10/2019 13:55

I'd focus on your other friends for now.

I'd be tempted to stand her up the way she did you but that's probs a bit childish!

cometothinkofit · 15/10/2019 13:58

Just say yes to meeting again, and why doesn't she meet you at your place. Then if she doesn't turn up you haven't actually gone to any effort.

eddielizzard · 15/10/2019 14:03

Make arrangements and don't show up.

eddielizzard · 15/10/2019 14:04

Look, you know she's lying. She isn't interested. Just move on, spend your energy on better friends.

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