My friend stood me up again - AIBU in thinking that she needs to grow up a bit

[NotHereToMakeFriends]

It's a little bit long but stick with it.

So my friend was meant to meet me a few weeks ago. I travelled to see her, went into the place and waited for an hour and she didn't show up. She then messaged me telling me that her grandad was in the hospital and that she had to go because her parents were on holiday and she didn't know if her sister was around.

Me being a (reasonably) nice person said that she needed to go and not worry about me. We would rearrange.

We rearranged for the Friday just gone. I found a place for us to go and grab some food and I would once again go to her. I asked her what time to book a table for. She didn't get back to me, I then followed up the next day saying we really needed to book a table because you can't just show up. She then told me she would have a browse for somewhere so I left it at that. The day before I messaged her to find out if she had found somewhere and she said not yet but we would just meet and go somewhere. I then messaged her on the day because she hadn't given me a time and she told me she would be on the train at 3:30 so she would meet message me and let me know what time she arrived back and then we could go from there.

She messaged me at 4:30 telling me that she was running to the train station and what time I would be free from so I told her I finished at 5. I didn't hear anything after that so I waited for her and still didn't hear anything. I assumed I had been stood up again, I then went on to Instagram the next day and she had posted a story of her attending a concert near where she works but she still didn't message me.

She messaged me yesterday telling me that her train had been cancelled and her mum had broken down on the way to pick her up, which I know is a lie. She only messaged me because I posted that I was having a good day with another friend.

I haven't messaged her back but am I being unreasonable thinking that she just didn't want to meet me and that she's not really a friend?

Stop being an utter mug OP and why on earth have you been chasing her so much?
Just block her and theres no excuse for behaviour like this, listen shes not interested in being a friend. Concentrate on good people who are worthy of your time.

"Are you going to turn up this time though?"

The only thing you can do with someone like this is to only arrange to do stuff with other friends as well and then if she doesn't show up you've got other people to spend time with.

Don't invest any time or effort in this person alone

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your comments they were really helpful. I've decided to phase her out of my life. I'm just going to leave her hanging and see if she chases me up. If not she doesn't want to pursue the friendship which is fine with me because I have friends who I would rather spend my time with :)

Dump this fool. She doesn't deserve a loyal friend like you. She is what we call a "flake"- a person who constantly makes plans yet never follows through with them. This will go on and on and on until all of her friends get fed up of it and ditch her. Then she'll whine about how everyone has abandoned her, the world is against her, how she's such a victim all the while, not taking any responsibility for her own selfish behaviour. She won't change. You can't change her, but you CAN change your behaviour so get rid.

Good plan OP. She's wasted enough of your time.

Phase her out? you cant get rid of someone whos already gone.
Move on OP, you sound a nice person. Block her and don't give her another thought.

Sorry you went through this. I haven’t read the other posts so not sure what people are advising u. Are you the one whose 90% of the time arranging meet-ups? If so I’m sorry to be blunt but it sounds like she doesn’t want to be friends but doesn’t know how to be clear.

I’m going through this myself, I‘ve known a person for ages but over the years feel like I’ve got nothing in common with her. Every tine we meet I feel it’s an obligation and just something I need to get over with. It’s so easy breaking up with a boyfriend etc but with female friends it’s hard! There’s no rules about how to break up with a friend. I would take this as a big hint and don’t contact her. Even if she contacts U( she will As if she’s like me she will feel guilty). Just keep a casual relationship like reply to texts but no more meet-ups. Wish u well x

@NotHereToMakeFriends - good decision. You'll soon find out whether she's worth your time and effort