Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend stood me up again - AIBU in thinking that she needs to grow up a bit

134 replies

NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 11:41

It's a little bit long but stick with it.

So my friend was meant to meet me a few weeks ago. I travelled to see her, went into the place and waited for an hour and she didn't show up. She then messaged me telling me that her grandad was in the hospital and that she had to go because her parents were on holiday and she didn't know if her sister was around.

Me being a (reasonably) nice person said that she needed to go and not worry about me. We would rearrange.

We rearranged for the Friday just gone. I found a place for us to go and grab some food and I would once again go to her. I asked her what time to book a table for. She didn't get back to me, I then followed up the next day saying we really needed to book a table because you can't just show up. She then told me she would have a browse for somewhere so I left it at that. The day before I messaged her to find out if she had found somewhere and she said not yet but we would just meet and go somewhere. I then messaged her on the day because she hadn't given me a time and she told me she would be on the train at 3:30 so she would meet message me and let me know what time she arrived back and then we could go from there.

She messaged me at 4:30 telling me that she was running to the train station and what time I would be free from so I told her I finished at 5. I didn't hear anything after that so I waited for her and still didn't hear anything. I assumed I had been stood up again, I then went on to Instagram the next day and she had posted a story of her attending a concert near where she works but she still didn't message me.

She messaged me yesterday telling me that her train had been cancelled and her mum had broken down on the way to pick her up, which I know is a lie. She only messaged me because I posted that I was having a good day with another friend.

I haven't messaged her back but am I being unreasonable thinking that she just didn't want to meet me and that she's not really a friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotHereToMakeFriends · 15/10/2019 14:06

@cometothinkofit that's what I'm thinking. Get her to come to me and if she shows we can always go to the Costa up the road but if she doesn't I haven't lost time and effort.

OP posts:
theoriginalmadambee · 15/10/2019 14:07

Why bother continuing texting her, she is not going to admit she doesn't value your friendship compared to more exciting things or suddenly become a better person.

If you feel you need closure, tell her you think she has treated you appaling and that's it.

Even if you get her to say all the right things, she is not going to change.

Breathlessness · 15/10/2019 14:09

Why are you continuing this? She’s lied to you, strung you along and stood you up twice? Have a little self respect.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 15/10/2019 14:16

The first time I would have given her the benefit of the doubt as you did, but twice on the bounce? She is fair weather friend at best. She made plans with you but then got what she considered to be a better offer and went to a concert. Instead of being honest and asking you if you would mind a rain check she thoughtlessly strung you along and then made up a load of excuses at the last minute.

She isn't a good friend or a person who considers your feelings at all, She considers her time to be more important than yours and as such is unreliable. Now you know where you stand.

I would say I was busy on Thursday and gradually reduce contact with her.

WantToBeMum · 15/10/2019 14:19

I used to have a friendship like this. No matter what the plans, I would always get a message an hour or so before with a cancellation from the "friend". It really hurt because we had been friends since school and I enjoyed her company. Eventually I'd had enough, so after the latest cancellation she asked to rearrange I replied with something along the lines of "you are obviously busy at the moment and struggling to fit me in, it upsets me when you cancel at the last minute so let's get back in touch when you have more time". A year on, we haven't met up since and I don't miss her anymore.

notangelinajolie · 15/10/2019 14:28

Why are you still even talking to this person? You need to ignore further messages and delete her from your life.

betternamepending · 15/10/2019 14:30

She doesn't want to make any effort for you to be your friend. This is not ok and you deserve friends that treat you better.

mummmy2017 · 15/10/2019 14:32

Why don't you just message her, that you are doing increasingly hurt that she seems to be willing to brush you off for a better offer, and will no longer travel to meet her.
She should let you know when she is at your door, otherwise there is no point in meeting.

northerngirl2012 · 15/10/2019 14:43

I'd say you're not free and don't arrange to see her. Leave it a few months and if she makes plans and comes to you, then go with it. Otherwise don't put yourself out or travel to meet or see her, she's a total user.

shearwater · 15/10/2019 14:46

Just say you are busy on Thursday and leave it at that.

Troels · 15/10/2019 14:54

I'd just meassage back, no I'm not free, you are a shit friend. Then block.

redcarbluecar · 15/10/2019 14:56

She’s taking the piss. How keen are you to spend time with her? I’d just leave the ball in her court.

Funnyface1 · 15/10/2019 15:15

Why would you bother? Really? This is not what friends are supposed to be like.

Motoko · 15/10/2019 15:22

I agree with others, why bother? She can't even remember what lies she told you, which is why the story keeps changing.

She makes plans to meet you, when she's at a loose end and bored, but then something else comes along with people she'd rather be with, so she drops you. She doesn't even have the courtesy to apologise, and let you know beforehand.

She's not a friend. She doesn't give a shit about you, because if she did, she wouldn't treat you like this.

Just ignore her text, and block her.

yawnhedehihi · 15/10/2019 15:26

I'm sorry OP but you sound like a mug. Write this friendship off.

FawnDrench · 15/10/2019 15:28

You are over-invested.
You keep going on about it and ruminating over the "friendship" and what did or didn't happen on the last occasion.

Just leave it and focus on your decent friends.

Girasole02 · 15/10/2019 15:32

I ditched my flaky friend. So liberating not to have to think about if she's going to show up/be on time etc.

billy1966 · 15/10/2019 15:34

This is not a friendship.

She thinks your a mug.

Have some self respect.

Don't reply.

Don't give her another thought.

Invest your time with real friends.

You sound nice OP, but you need to assert yourself.

💐👍

ReturnofSaturn · 15/10/2019 15:55

I seriously wouldn't bother anymore at all OP.

I've had 'friends' like this in the past who have done similar things to me and like a previous poster said it's simply because they think they are more important than you.

LAMPS1 · 15/10/2019 15:56

‘It’s possible I might be free on Thursday actually so why don’t you come to me at 6. If I’m not in, it will be because my other offer for Thursday evening was confirmed at the last minute, but I’ll try to let you know if that is the case. If not, I’ll see you around’

purpleme12 · 15/10/2019 16:09

God I think I might have to call her out on the lying to be honest. And I mean directly

NotSorry · 15/10/2019 16:11

I'd do what cometothinkofit said and then if she shows, great! If she doesn't, never contact her again. As long as you're not putting yourself out or rearranging your life for her, you can still have a friendship if you like her.

FrenchJunebug · 15/10/2019 16:47

give her a last change but make her come to you and don't go into trouble organizing something special.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 15/10/2019 17:08

I'd say give her a last chance if you genuinely like her. Her behaviour is shitty but (and maybe I'm a soft touch) people seem so quick to drop friends. I'd ask her to message you when she's in Costa and then you can walk down if it's not far. And then speak to her about her behaviour face to face. Friends should be able to do that. If you don't like her response, then you have your answer about whether to continue the friendship.

GoodbyeRosie · 15/10/2019 17:13

You are a complete mug if you give her another chance, and if you she stands you up a 3rd time then I would have zero sympathy for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread