To ask a lady to stop volunteering?

[Mumofone1862]

I run a non profit playgroup and for the past month I have had a new volunteer.

There are a few issues- on several occasions I have been talking to mums about something they have asked me about and the woman cuts in to tell a story about herself and it's like she is trying to cut the mum out of the conversation and just talk to me.

As volunteers the main thing is to just welcome new mums and make sure they are happy ect. But two mums have come to me because she doesn't listen when they ask her not to take their children or tell them what to do with their child.

This is the same with my child, he cries whenever she comes near him as he knows she will pick him up. I told her atleaat 4 times last week not to pick him up but she doesn't listen. In the end it means I have to carry him around as he is scared which makes running a group alot harder.

One woman has stopped coming as the volunteer is so 'in your face', you can politely end a conversation and walk away and she will follow you.

I set up a playgroup as I hated being left out at playgroups and by following me around and talking over the mums it isn't a great environment.

I understand she probably just wants to be my friend but I want to talk to everyone and as volunteers we should be talking to different people to help everyone feel welcome.

She doesn't help set up or put away, her idea of helping is looking after my son, but he honestly was better before she came. I have politely said multiple times for her to not go near my son. I explained he is a mummy's boy and doesn't like strangers so is better left alone or with me but she ignores me as though she knows best.

She is in her late 60's and has said she is lonley as her child has grown up, but the last two weeks I've barely made enough to run the group whereas before her I was doubling the money and we were able to do really fun crafts and have lots of fruit for the children rather than just bananas!

The fact multiple people have come to me makes me think more people think the same but are being polite.

Should I ask her to leave? My husband said to ask her to do kitchen duties (tea/coffee ect) but I don't know how I would go about it as I already have a specific volunteer to make drinks who is happy as they are and it would be obvious I was trying to push her out? I could just be honest but she seems very emotional (e.g. almost crying when my son doesn't want her to hold him)

I used to run our village playgroup OP, and we had a lady start who had terrible anxiety and wouldn't actually leave her child with us. She had come to us via the local HV and she offered to help out every session rather than leave her child with the aim of being able to leave him for half an hour eventually, then longer.

What happened was that she was a nightmare.... she hovered over her child, intervening with every aspect of their play and telling off other kids who dared go near them. We had several gentle words, tried to get her in the kitchen but it got to the point where other parents started to complain about her attitude and that their children didn't like her.

We had to say in the end that she couldn't stay, she had an absolute meltdown about how much she'd given us of her time and energy etc and ended up withdrawing her child which was really upsetting for everyone.

My advice is to nip it in the bud.

What @BlueBirdGreenFence said.

Hi, sorry I haven't been ignoring the post I had work and then have had the usual morning issues with my son and only just come online!

I have my DBS check, first aid and insurance. As the parents are advised not to leave their children I didn't think I needed to have anyone else have DBS checks. I honestly would prefer no volunteers as I can do everything quicker alone, but everyone wants to help (hinder).

I have emailed the organisation and said the issues we have had and asked the next steps. I am glad I have asked for advice as I have seen some posts about stories of how if I address this incorrectly it could cause a larger problem so I think by getting someone who is aware of her issues to talk to her and address the problems we may get somewhere.

I am going to get my mum to bring my son as a one off to mind him while I make sure all rules are being followed as I really can't have him unhappy again.

Thank you everyone for your replies, with a toddler there are a bit too many to answer all directly but I hope I have answered all the main questions everyone asked.

Check the rules on DBs- as far as I was aware, anyone with regular contact with children (even if parents present) should be DBS checked. I do think you’re going to need a policy in place re volunteers if you ever have them again.

Just tell her to go. She is not your responsibility and you owe her nothing: you run a group for mothers of small children, not lonely old people.

If you have workers, paid or volunteer, and you introduce them as someone you have put into that post then parents will assume it's OK to nip to the toilet whilst the kids play because there are volunteers around to help. What if one of your volunteers is a sex offender? And a parent nips away for 5 minutes to the toilets and comes back to find her child missing? You will be getting sued.

Anyone who is working around children need to be checked. You cannot have staff helping in your group if they havnt been so she needs to go now, as does the kitchen helped and anyone else.

Your volunteers certainly need a DBS check. You are leaving yourself very exposed - you really need to address this as a priority

And we’re not flagging the dbs issue to be mean- your doing a great thing setting up the playgroup but you have left yourself wide open to risk here and this is a bigger issue than upsetting the lady.

I’m a volunteer for our locally run church playgroup. I adore the women. I adore the people who run it. I’d hoped this post was t about me 😂😂😂

Anyway. You’ve got to be direct with her. Yes she’s a volunteer. But that doesn’t give her the right to upset people.

I would say. Really sorry. But we’ve had a few issues. Some people have been hurt by what’s been happening etc and we can’t allow for this to happen. I’m more than happy to have you here. But we’ve got to tighten up on the rules of what we do as we work here. Safe guarding rules means that we cannot touch the children (we have this. We do not touch the child unless consent is given to us).

I would also put her in the tea making. I would explain to whomever is that the reasons why and that you hope soon they can go back

Is she fully DBS checked? I would assume so seeing as it’s the law.

You really do need to take advice and get your policies and paperwork in order re DBS checks and codes of practice.

Without them you are leaving yourself open to possibility of big problems. Legal and moral.

It's easy to think that a small operation started between willing friends can expand without too much red tape and paperwork, but it only takes one incident to ruin lives.

Unfortunately it is perfectly possible for a person to be wonderful with kids, and yet have a history of harming them. Likewise personality clashes and petty disputes can sometimes turn into baseless accusations. Without policies in place to protect those under your care and yourself, the truth is you are leaving both yourself and the kids you care for at risk.

It's easily done. Take the lesson now and get it fixed.

Errr. Just saw your post

Anyone working or volunteer with children had to be DVS checked. It’s the law. You could get in serious trouble.

Our playgroup has parents stay and we all had to be checked before we could volunteer

www.ucheck.co.uk/do-you-need-a-dbs-check-when-parents-are-present/

If it’s only you that has the DBS. You need every single member of staff. Paid or volunteer to be checked BEFORE the van come and work again.

"I honestly would prefer no volunteers as I can do everything quicker alone, but everyone wants to help (hinder)."

I think this might be your answer if you can do it legally!

A lot of people think of volunteering only in terms of a person altruistically giving their time. But it's also a resource-using drain on organisations: volunteers need management, for a start - and if they don't do a decent job, they can end up doing far more harm than good.

My PIL have been using volunteering essentially as a kind of social club for years. They are very domineering and difficult, like the woman you are dealing with. I am almost certain their way of behaving, which is completely and utterly insensitive to other people, will have led to complaints from visitors to the place where they volunteer. They were recently asked to consider 'retiring' by that organisation - and became very offended by this because they felt they had 'given so much' over the years, even though it's mostly like a social club with cake and coffee for them, and they actually do almost nothing to consider the aims and purpose of the organisation in question. My sympathies are entirely with the organisation: they are probably having to turn down much better and more able people in order to pander to the demands of two older people who don't contribute much that is useful. With you, you need to put your organisation and its profile/reputation first.

Past posters are correct about volunteers needing a DBS. I needed a DBS when I was coerced volunteered to be on the committee of a local pre-school, even though I only attended meetings about cake stalls and never actually volunteered in the pre-school itself.

I also volunteered listening to readers a primary school. I needed a DBS even though I was not allowed to be alone with the children without a member of staff.

Your volunteer sounds like a nightmare. We had a temporary member of staff who sounds very similar. Thankfully, she was doing a paid role, which probably actually made it easier to get rid of her than a volunteer

Afaik if parents are supervising their children then volunteers don't need dbs checks. It's a place for parents and their children, the volunteers aren't providing childcare or being left alone with the children at any point. The group and volunteers provide the venue, drinks, toys etc but not a service like childcare.

That ucheck link upthread doesn't describe a stay-and-play toddler group situation at all.
Another website says "The only people who legally need them are those involved in Regulated Activity with children. Regulated Activity is defined as regular, and where a person is generally unsupervised. It includes: caring for or supervising children; driving a vehicle for children; and personal care, even if only done once. Regular means at least once a week, four days over a 30-day period, or overnight between 2am and 6am. The supervision element relates to whether the volunteer is supervised by a person in Regulated Activity e.g. a teacher. If a volunteer is running an event for children where no DBS-checked adults are supervising, they would require a check. Essentially it means 'such supervision as is reasonable to protect the children concerned'. It is up to your association to assess whether the event, and supervision provided, falls under Regulated Activity. Further guidance is available on the gov.uk website."

She sounds creepy if she keeps touching/picking up kids when they don't want her to (and their parents object). Seems like a safeguarding issue as others have said. After all, those kids aren't there to make lonely people feel better, it's not fair on them or their parents.

@CarWreck. Says here. The title is also. Should I get a dbs check for a parent and stay playgroup....

It’s also the law that volunteers whose duties involve specific contact with children must undergo an enhanced DBS Check.

It’s still important to get a DBS check when parents are present to oversee their children.

For some one-off events where parents are present, like school trips and discos, a DBS check (formerly known as an online CRB check) is not a legal requirement for volunteers.

However, in most other situations, it still remains essential to undergo an enhanced DBS check when parents are present.

Please don't send a letter like VictoriaBun suggests.

Give it a week and every single time she does something you've asked her not to bring it up there and then with her. Make a note of it and at the end of the week go through it with her and say you cannot continue and you must ask her to leave. Do not suggest she volunteers with older people or anything else, it's up to her to decide what she wants to do.

Her age isn't relavent, I agree with the pp, she could be 25 and behaving like this

Whoever had the DBS cannot ever leave the children ever. Not even for a toilet break

Plus if one person has a conviction of a sexual crime on children and no one finds that out. Something happens. Then what?

She sounds creepy if she keeps touching/picking up kids when they don't want her to (and their parents object)

Oh I doubt it,she's probably trying to be helpful and spectacularly failing.

cbscreening.co.uk/news/post/do-i-need-a-dbs-check-if-parents-are-present/

The lady had done this more than once. As OP has stated. So it’s defined as regular.

I honestly would prefer no volunteers as I can do everything quicker alone, but everyone wants to help (hinder).

Quite a few I went to ran like that with parent lists for tea/coffee and everyone pitching in to tidy up.

I do think you need to get rid. There was one group - only one I encountered with a long waiting list that had a volunteer like this and it did massively impact on numbers it basically got rid of the waiting list.

They did try keeping her in the kitchen, but she escaped out.

One time just before she left she rushed over to my toddler who wanted me in sight but to play by themselves – so I sat nearby bf baby and she came over made some really judgemental comment to me that had the mothers I was sat with eye rolling – and proceeded to be ignored at by my “neglected toddler” – few minutes of it and she came back over no and said she really didn’t want to be played with did she – yep that’s why I left her to it.

Leader later spoke to me about it - so I assume someone else said something to them – if my child had been upset I wouldn’t have been back to the group– I could laugh off the comment as I wasn’t alone and toddler was fine.