Do you judge mothers who don’t breastfeed?

[HarryHarry]

I’m sorry - this is long.

For medical reasons, I was unable to breastfeed my son, so I was determined to do so with my daughter. Having tried it for a few days, I must say that I really, really dislike it, to the point that it’s starting to affect my mental health. It’s not just the pain and the discomfort (I know they will eventually disappear). There are other reasons, which are too complicated to go into here. I haven’t decided yet whether I will stop, but I don’t think I feel passionate enough about it to force myself to keep going when I hate it so much.

The only thing that’s stopping me is the judgement of other mothers. The thought of giving up is making me feel so incredibly guilty - like I’ve failed as a woman and a mother - mostly because of how much they go on about it. Today I went out for a walk with my two children for the first time and a woman I only vaguely know from baby groups came running out of her house to talk to me. At first I thought she wanted to see the newborn but actually she just wanted to lecture me about the importance of breastfeeding. Even though I lied and told her it was going really well, she still wouldn’t leave me alone. She made me feel utterly shit for even contemplating formula-feeding and ruined what should have been a special day with my children.

So I have two questions for you... Do you judge mothers who don’t breastfeed? If so, help me understand why. Why is breastfeeding so important to some women? Why do they feel so strongly that other women should do it too? (My husband thinks they just don’t want other women to have choices they didn’t have but I am not that cynical). What will I be missing if I decide to stop?

@BertrandRussell -many women I know are rightly angry about the misinformation and pressure to breastfeed. The idea that so many womens experiences can be dismissed as a “plot” by the “formula companies” is utterly ridiculous.

If it’s not your experience, fine but that doesn’t mean it’s not anyone else’s. None of the breastfeeding research shows anything other than a correlation effect. Formula is fine and we should not be ignoring the real difficulties many women have with breastfeeding cos we think we know best.

@Squirrelplay how dare you tell us something that happened when it doesn't fit the narrative of BF and FF being just the same

@Squirrelplay

In what discipline? Chemistry? Biochem? Sociology? What?

@squirrelplay - formula itself isn’t enough to improve your iq.

Nope- I couldn't care in the slightest how someone else feeds their baby or why. It's not something I ever think about and I couldn't make myself be interested in such a thing either why would you think about it even, it's up to the mother and fine either way and crucially; their business. I have no idea how friends with DC feed their babies unless I have seen them do it and even then can't say I assume that is the exclusive method regardless.

I can't believe you studied both feeding methods on an academic level yet are promulgating that old 'formula fed babies are fat' chestnut 🤣
'Ballooned' indeed. Babies do go through stages. It's normal. My children looked almost unrecognisable from one month to the next at one stage (usually between 4 and 10 months).

@SnuggyBuggy - she wasn’t just telling us something that happened though was she. She was making daft claims about her baby ballooning in weight and skin going all dry because of some baby formula.

Also first class honours from a masters?

God breast feeding was such a nightmare for me with all 3 of my sons and dear god did I try my damndest to succeed with all 3 of my sons. After my second son I became so severely ill with PND feeling like I was failing him because he was so unhappy with my milk, severe colic and diarrhoea. I spoke to the health visitors and doctors, falling apart but they told me that it was impossible my breast milk was making my babies tummy hurt. I produced a massive amount of foremilk and only a small amount of the creamy milk and had endless latching issues. In the end we moved onto formula and our baby was such a happier boy immediately. With my youngest I expressed in advance of delivery and gave him a breast milk/formula combo for several months before I realised i was being silly for feeling shamed into it, put down the breast pump and felt like the sun was shining again.

Now I have a toddler who can count to 10 at 2 and a half and spurts out sentences thick and fast. His one year old baby brother is on the same track. Their characters and love for life, singing and the outdoors came from their family who love them, sing to them ans snuggle them, not the milk that filled their bellies when they were babies.

We are all hero's for what we do for our children, and we need to hold one another up and over the trenches instead of kicking each other into them xxxxx

She was telling us what happened to her baby when swapped over to formula, not what happens to all babies or most babies. Should she pretend something different happened to please everyone?

I couldn't breastfeed either, my daughter was born 6 weeks early and pretty much as soon as she was born she had to go to the NICU ward, and she was hooked up to all sorts of wires for her first few weeks, which made it really difficult practically and I tried so hard to make it work and it nearly killed me, so we moved onto formula, and to be honest it did wonders for the bond between us, I would have loved to breastfeed, and I have so much administration for women who do, but would never ever ever judge any woman for formula feeding. Every woman does what's best for their baby and every mother knows that so no-one should be judgemental of anyone elses choices. That said an elderly lady has commented that I should be breastfeeding once before, and honestly it didn't upset me as much as I thought it would

@zsazsajuju

Good point? Perhaps confused between a dissertation and a thesis.

Still interested to see which discipline they studied.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Very reasonable POV. I agree formula is essential for some, but overused by the population in general.

A thesis in breast and formula feeding? Is this a thing then?

Surely it takes longer to obtain one of those than it does to actually get a baby to a point where feeding choices are irrelevant, so why would anyone want to do that? .

Didn't BF my DD (both of us in ICU after the birth). She's tall and slim and academically bright. Both things the BF cohorts told me she wouldn't be if I formula fed.

I wasn't able to BF - the Drs were too busy saving mine and my daughter's lives. I truly couldn't give a flying fig what anyone else thinks - and in her class I have never had the slightest idea who was, or was not, BF.

Ok. What are the LONG TERM benefits of b/f and the LONG TERM bad effects of f/f?
I'm talking into adulthood here.

And it's not like vaccinations- how does how someone chooses to feed their baby impact the wider (first world) population?

See...
It's all point scoring and hyperbole.

Lots of women need support to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is good for babies.....saying this doesn't mean formula feeding is bad. Lots of women want to formula feed and that is fine too. Formula is a good substitute if breast milk isn't available.

Let's try not to be arseholes.

@user24990 it isn’t ridiculous. That was a mother trying her best as she knew breastfeeding would give her baby the best start in life. Exhausted from labour and trying for 12 hours to feed her baby. You and your attitude are ridiculous.

We are mammals. Breastmilk is the natural food for babies of all mammalian species and contains antibodies that protect them from some illnesses until their immune systems are strong enough to fight by themselves. I never contemplated not breastfeeding. It just seemed to be the most natural thing to do. It HURT LIKE HELL FOR MONTHS probably due to undiagnosed tongue tie, but I persevered for 4 years. I loved the bond it created between me and baby and dd weaned when she was ready.
I don't judge anyone else for their choice not to breastfeed, but at the same time I don't understand why people choose not to (other than for medical reasons). Artificial "milk" and vaccines have become the norm, replacing natural milk and natural immunity.

I didn't breastfeed either of my DC. My DD wouldn't feed to start with, so we had to give her expressed milk in a bottle, so it would slowly drip down her throat, then I dried up at 6 weeks so went to formula and my DS kept coming out in Hives every time I fed him, so I started FF.
If anyone says anything to you tell them you tried, you couldn't do it and that fed is best.

@NoCauseRebel

Also, isn’t the major flaw in all BF studies that they cannot be randomised for ethical reasons? It is therefore almost impossible to control the variables and get a fair assessment.

@TinyBean which vaccines replicate natural immunity provided by BM?

Here is what the WHO says about formula fed babies and obesity....short and long term
www.who.int/elena/titles/bbc/breastfeeding_childhood_obesity/en/
“The positive impact of breastfeeding on lowering the risk of death from infectious diseases in the first two years of life is now well-established (1). A mounting body of evidence suggests that breastfeeding may also play a role in programming noncommunicable disease risk later in life (2-13) including protection against overweight and obesity in childhood (2-6).

While the precise pathways underlying the potential protective effect of breastfeeding on overweight and obesity remain unknown, several plausible mechanisms have been proposed. Exclusive breastfeeding precludes inappropriate complementary feeding practices such as early introduction of complementary foods that could lead to unhealthy weight gain. Protein and total energy intake, as well as the amount of energy metabolised, are higher among formula-fed infants relative to breastfed (14,15), leading to increased body weight during the neonatal period (10) and data suggests that both higher protein intake (16) and weight gain (17) early in life is positively associated with the development of obesity later in childhood. Differences in release of insulin and other pancreatic and gut hormones have also been observed between breastfed and formula-fed infants, with formula feeding leading to higher plasma levels of insulin which in turn would stimulate fat deposition and early development of adipocytes, the cells that store fat (18). Breast milk itself contains hormones and other biological factors involved in the regulation of food intake and energy balance which may help shape long-term physiological processes responsible for maintaining energy balance (19). By moderating the impact of physiological processes that promote weight gain during infancy, breastfeeding might assist in “programming” an individual to be at reduced risk for overweight and obesity later in life (20).”

References

1. WHO. Effect of breastfeeding on infant and child mortality due to infectious diseases in less developed countries: a pooled analysis. WHO Collaborative Study Team on the Role of Breastfeeding on the Prevention of Infant Mortality. The Lancet. 2000; 355(9202):451-5.

1. Arenz S, Rückerl R, Koletzko B, von Kries R. Breast-feeding and childhood obesity--a systematic review. International Journal of Obesity and Related Metabolic Disorders. 2004; 28(10):1247-56.

1. Harder T, Bergmann R, Kallischnigg G, Plagemann A. Duration of breastfeeding and risk of overweight: a meta-analysis. American Journal of Epidemiology. 2005; 162(5):397-403.

1. Plagemann A, Harder T. Breast feeding and the risk of obesity and related metabolic diseases in the child. Metabolic Syndrome and Related Disorders. 2005; 3(3):222-32.

1. Horta BL , Victora, CG. Long-term effects of breastfeeding. Geneva: World Health Organization; 2013.

1. Weng SF, Redsell SA, Swift JA, Yang M, Glazebrook CP. Systematic review and meta-analyses of risk factors for childhood overweight identifiable during infancy. Archives of Disease in Childhood. 2012; 97(12):1019-26.

1. Owen CG, Martin RM, Whincup PH, Davey-Smith G, Gillman MW, Cook DG. The effect of breastfeeding on mean body mass index throughout life: a quantitative review of published and unpublished observational evidence. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 2005; 82(6):1298-307.

1. Owen CG, Martin RM, Whincup PH, Smith GD, Cook DG. Effect of infant feeding on the risk of obesity across the life course: a quantitative review of published evidence. Pediatrics. 2005; 115(5):1367-77.

1. Owen CG, Martin RM, Whincup PH, Smith GD, Cook DG. Does breastfeeding influence risk of type 2 diabetes in later life? A quantitative analysis of published evidence. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 2006; 84(5):1043-54.

10. Owen CG, Whincup PH, Kaye SJ, Martin RM, Davey Smith G, Cook DG et al. Does initial breastfeeding lead to lower blood cholesterol in adult life? A quantitative review of the evidence. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 2008; 88(2):305-14.

11. Martin RM, Davey Smith G. Does having been breastfed in infancy influence lipid profile in later life?: a review of the literature. Advances in Experimental Medicine and Biology. 2009; 646:41-50.

12. Owen CG, Whincup PH, Gilg JA, Cook DG. Effect of breast feeding in infancy on blood pressure in later life: systematic review and meta-analysis. BMJ. 2003; 327(7425):1189-95.

13. Martin RM, Gunnell D, Smith GD. Breastfeeding in infancy and blood pressure in later life: systematic review and meta-analysis. American Journal of Epidemiology. 2005; 161(1):15-26.

14. Heinig MJ, Nommsen LA, Peerson JM, Lonnerdal B, Dewey KG. Energy and protein intakes of breast-fed and formula-fed infants during the first year of life and their association with growth velocity: the DARLING Study. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 1993; 58(2):152-161.

15. Whitehead RG. For how long is exclusive breast-feeding adequate to satisfy the dietary energy needs of the average young baby? Pediatric Research. 1995; 37(2):239–43.

16. Rolland-Cachera MF, Deheeger M, Akrout M, Bellisle F. Influence of macronutrients on adiposity development: a follow up study of nutrition and growth from 10 months to 8 years of age. International Journal of Obesity and Related Metabolic Disorders. 1995; 19(8):573-8.

17. Stettler N, Zemel BS, Kumanyika S, Stallings VA. Infant weight gain and childhood overweight in a multicenter, cohort study. Pediatrics. 2002; 109(2):194–9.

18. Lucas A, Sarson DL, Blackburn AM, Adrian TE, Aynsley-Green A, Bloom SR. Breast vs bottle: endocrine responses are different with formula feeding. Lancet. 1980; 1(8181):1267-9.

19. Savino F, Liguori SA, Fissore MF, Oggero R. Breast milk hormones and their protective effect on obesity. International Journal of Pediatric Endocrinology. 2009; 2009:327505.

20. von Kries R, Koletzko B, Sauerwald T, von Mutius E, Barnert D, Grunert V, von Voss H. Breast feeding and obesity: cross sectional study. BMJ. 1999; 319(7203):147– 150.

No of course not. Fuck all to do with anyone else

@TinyBean "Artificial "milk" and vaccines have become the norm, replacing natural milk and natural immunity."
Wait, what?!? Are you seriously comparing FF to vaccination?