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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To admit my fate, wuss out and not do the presentation?

275 replies

GinAndBubbles · 14/10/2019 01:06

TLDR: I physically hate presenting / speaking in groups. Should I cancel interview for amazing role as it requires 25 min presentation to directors?

That sums it up really! Until around 14 I was super confident and in all the drama clubs etc. One day I volunteered to get in front of class and I was laughed at for blushing. Since then I’ve not been able to be ‘all eyes on me’. It got so bad I couldn’t even have happy birthday sang to me in a restaurant. Many physical symptoms too (don’t want to TMI!).

I’ve managed somehow to get round this in my career to date, most recently by being honest and avoiding presenting. I’m fine in a large meeting if speaking is on my terms - put me on the spot and I basically die (slight exaggeration but feels like that at the time).

So currently in a role I despise and want to leave hourly. Have an interview Tuesday for a Head of role that is perfect, other than presenting it’s genuinely something I could excel in.

I was only told of the presentation element on Friday so have worked all weekend to pull a PowerPoint together - they want me to answer 2 role specific questions in 25 minutes.

The slides are ace, my content is great... I’m just a quivering mess when I think about delivering it.

AIBU to cancel? If you think yes, how the hell do I get round this Blush?!

Extra info: I’ve personally paid £1,000+ on courses, hypnotherapy etc to try and rid me of this complex - no success.

I also know I cannot bear my current role (whole other thread as to why 🙈 - but legit reasons as toxic place), so will leave in the coming months (or weeks). At my level there aren’t that many roles that come up, so other than taking the plunge into contracting I’d be looking at substantial pay cut... I’m the main earner in household so that bring a whole new host of issues.

Fully appreciate the masses aren’t fans of public speaking and I’d love to just ‘get over myself’, but it truly physically and mentally affects me... I’m stuck (and freaking out!)

OP posts:
Ellmau · 15/10/2019 19:15

Well done!!!

ABmumof3 · 15/10/2019 19:29

Awesome! You are amazing for doing something that you fear so much. You should be really proud of yourself fingers crossed it all goes your way x

impossible · 15/10/2019 19:30

Fantastic! It's wonderful to see you shift from wanting to walk away to taking on the challenge. Whether you get the job or not that is a massive achievement - and next time will be easier.

I spent most of my life avoiding public speaking until I was given the chance of a promotion I really wanted. I took the promotion, did the public speaking (not very well to begin with) but got better and better. Now I actually enjoy it. The secret for me was being so well prepared I couldn't be caught out. It sounds as though you know your stuff so you can't be caught out either.

Well done!

SnugglySnerd · 15/10/2019 19:33

Well done! Hope you are enjoying a relaxing evening after that.

bellabelly · 15/10/2019 19:35

Brilliant stuff, well done you! Gin

suggestionsplease1 · 15/10/2019 19:37

Well done for getting throught it!

I have had a similar phobia and GP presecribed betablockers - propranolol. I don't think its an exaggeration to say they allowed me to progress in my career in a way I might not otherwise have done - I was so avoidant over public speaking before but now can step up.

The betablockers halp manage the physical manifestations of anxiety - eg racing heartrate, trembling, shakey voice, sweating etc, which means your brain doesn't perceive the situation in such a threatening manner and go into a negative feedback loop.

It means now I don't generally need to take them before a presentation, because my body has become so used to feeling calm in these situations that this is my new normal.

TimeforanotherChange · 15/10/2019 19:37

Fantastic! Well done - even if you are not successful in this job you bloody know you are excellent and can do this again.

Fingers crossed for you! Gin

Pharlapwasthebest · 15/10/2019 19:42

Yay. Well done.

HappyHarlot · 15/10/2019 19:44

Well done OP! You did it!!

When will you find out the result?

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 15/10/2019 19:48

Well done, OP! I'll keep my fingers crossed, I hope you get this job!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/10/2019 19:49

So pleased for you OP. Really really hope you get the job WineGinWineGinWineGinWineGin

RedPoppiesAndSpots · 15/10/2019 19:51

Fantastic - well done and fingers crossed for the job!

partysong · 15/10/2019 20:01

Woah, I'm really proud of you! That's so amazing that you did it OP. You should always be proud of yourself for overcoming something that was so terrifying for you. Go you!

2018SoFarSoGreat · 15/10/2019 20:11

Really well done you!!!!!! You did it. That's incredible. You should feel really proud of yourself.

And a tad tipsy by now :)

Do let us know when you hear the outcome.

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 15/10/2019 20:13

Well done! Good luck ...

Original poster
GinAndBubbles · 15/10/2019 20:25

Can’t believe how many comments are on here, and how many of us suffer from this!! Because I know it’s so irrational, I feel like I’m the only person in the world who could feel that way!

I was SO close to not going. I listened to a PP and broke it all down into steps... played loud music, smiled like a loon on the drive to pretend I was excited and not dying...

But I was still a hot mess and wretching! DP got there and was amazing, he would not let me go home... he kept saying I could do it. Somehow I got into reception and then the room.

To be perfectly honest, if it had been an interview (without the dreaded presentation), I’d have been absolutely fine, so I’m frustrated I let the interview aspect be impacted. Also I sat rather than stood so looked a little odd.

I’m physically exhausted, and at the moment honestly don’t think I’d feel any different if I was told I had to done one in my current work or at a second interview 🙈🙈

I’m going to go to GP to talk about meds, and have looked up toastmasters but that seems too much of a leap.

I genuinely HATE how it impacts me, would give anything to get rid of it.

Hey ho, this thread is well and truly saved so will always refer back when I need a boost!

Will let you know when I hear back, thanks again everyone ❤️

OP posts:
Daffodildainty · 15/10/2019 20:31

Same same op. I’m a confident person but all my life struggled with anxiety about public speaking. Ended up with a job where I have to do it regularly. I used to feel ill for a week before I had to ‘perform’. I tried hypnosis too - and coaching- nothing rid me of the fear I’d have an adrenalin surge which would make my heart race and cause breathing issues which would make my voice wobble - not very professional- so I got anxiety about the anxiety. A few years back after some research I started taking propanol, a beta blocker, to stop my heart rate spiking - only before ‘performance’ events. It’s miraculous. I still don’t enjoy public speaking. I still get nervous but I’m actually now a good speaker as I don’t get flustered and can concentrate on my message. I also take it before contentious meetings or meetings where I’m not uber confident in my Subject matter as it helps me to feel in control. Actors take propanol too to control stage fright. I’m in my 50s and it’s literally the only medication I’ve ever taken regularly other than birth control. Sorry I’m a bit evangelical but it changed my life. Good luck

saltysally · 15/10/2019 20:34

Fantastic, OP. Well done, and your dp is ace too. Fingers crossed for the result

MummyBee173 · 15/10/2019 20:39

You’ve got this! I promise that the people you are presenting to want you to do well, they are rooting for you. You can be whoever you want to be for those 25 minutes, they’ll never know that you’re acting a role or picturing them all naked - try & have fun with it, your time to shine & show how amazing you will be at this job. Fake it till you make it, you’ll smash it!

MummyBee173 · 15/10/2019 20:42

Sorry, missed whole pages of thread where you’ve actually done the presentation Grin Well done!

mrscolonelbrandon · 15/10/2019 21:16

Keeping everything crossed for you and remember if the outcome is not want you want you have not failed ... you showed up and turned it out and faced your fear that in itself is success in my eyes it’s definately not failure ... well done, ps your husband sounds an absolute ledge! I really hope you get the job x

Nousernamefound · 15/10/2019 21:26

I am a massive blusher, whole face goes beetroot and it happens when I speak in a group too. I think you feel it more than people notice and it it’s really disarming. However, if your content is good then that’s what everyone will focus on rather than give colour of your face. You can do this! Good luck x

dimdarkashian · 15/10/2019 21:48

I took beta blockers for my PhD viva. They don't make you feel any different, just stop the symptoms of anxiety/panic. Good luck with your presentation.

dimdarkashian · 15/10/2019 21:49

Sorry, just saw that it's been and gone. Well done!

SandwhichGenerationGal · 15/10/2019 22:07

Beta blockers were a game changer for me.