To admit my fate, wuss out and not do the presentation?

[GinAndBubbles]

TLDR: I physically hate presenting / speaking in groups. Should I cancel interview for amazing role as it requires 25 min presentation to directors?

That sums it up really! Until around 14 I was super confident and in all the drama clubs etc. One day I volunteered to get in front of class and I was laughed at for blushing. Since then I’ve not been able to be ‘all eyes on me’. It got so bad I couldn’t even have happy birthday sang to me in a restaurant. Many physical symptoms too (don’t want to TMI!).

I’ve managed somehow to get round this in my career to date, most recently by being honest and avoiding presenting. I’m fine in a large meeting if speaking is on my terms - put me on the spot and I basically die (slight exaggeration but feels like that at the time).

So currently in a role I despise and want to leave hourly. Have an interview Tuesday for a Head of role that is perfect, other than presenting it’s genuinely something I could excel in.

I was only told of the presentation element on Friday so have worked all weekend to pull a PowerPoint together - they want me to answer 2 role specific questions in 25 minutes.

The slides are ace, my content is great... I’m just a quivering mess when I think about delivering it.

AIBU to cancel? If you think yes, how the hell do I get round this ?!

Extra info: I’ve personally paid £1,000+ on courses, hypnotherapy etc to try and rid me of this complex - no success.

I also know I cannot bear my current role (whole other thread as to why 🙈 - but legit reasons as toxic place), so will leave in the coming months (or weeks). At my level there aren’t that many roles that come up, so other than taking the plunge into contracting I’d be looking at substantial pay cut... I’m the main earner in household so that bring a whole new host of issues.

Fully appreciate the masses aren’t fans of public speaking and I’d love to just ‘get over myself’, but it truly physically and mentally affects me... I’m stuck (and freaking out!)

Ah, sorry to hear you didn't her it but as someone said, they're likely to have recruited internally and the main thing is, you DID IT!

On a side note, your thread has been amazing for me as I've been like this for as long as I can remember, and have recently almost resigned on the spot when faced with an impending presentation. I literally dread it for months- it just weighs on me so heavily.

So on Thurs I have an appointment with the doctor and I don't plan on leaving til he's prescribed some of.that miraculous sounding drug

www.drugs.com/comments/propranolol/for-performance-anxiety.html

Sorry you didn't get it op but now you are prepared for next time! Decided to still post because I have the same public speaking fears. Joined a poetry group about a year ago. We all have to read a poem we have written out loud to the group (about 20 people) and then it is discussed. Oh my god, absolutely horrific! I hate the sound of my own voice. My heart banging away and sppearing in my veins and neck. Extremely sweaty suddenly. After the first couple of times when I read badly, too quiet, too loud, too fast, stuttering, etc... But then after watching the others I realised that I deserved this space and time and that I wanted to claim it. I kind of thought, all thouse hours on my work alone. Bloody hard, and this is what I have made. Started to realise maybe its all just confidence in yourself and thinking to yourself 'hell yes! This time is mine. I deserve to be here. I deserve to be heard'. Helped me a lot op! Good luck on your job hunt!

Thanks again everyone, your stories really help... I hope there isn’t a next time and I can avoid them forevermore - but know that’s really not going to happen!!

@Euromillsplz, let me know how it goes at the doctors, I’m waiting for November before booking my appointment just because of taking time out of hell work!

I'll let you know how it goes.. never have I looked forward to a docs appointment so much (although no doubt I'll be anxious just explaining it 🙄)!

I hope work becomes more bearable for you in the mean time 😣

Someone recommended beta blockers on a similar thread I posted recently and some kind soul suggested beta blockers. I took one today for a presentation and it was THE BEST. I was able to be myself.
Honestly miraculous. I was a bit nervous in the lead up - but I didn’t get the whole heart pounding, flushed, shaking crap I normally get. I’ve tried counselling, toastmasters you name it. Nothing has helped but this.

@Ladybugspicnic that's so encouraging, good for you- I'm weirdly excited to put it into practice! Got my prescription on Thursday (thanks to this thread- would never have occurred to me otherwise). I haven't needed to use them yet but took a couple yesterday to check I didn't have any major reactions. Actually don't think they made me feel too good (headache, spaced out and more worryingly, chest pains although not too bad I guess...)
But I'd take those any day over a panic attack. Think I'm going to have to speak up in a meeting on thurs so will definitely be taking some then 🤞

I did read that you shouldn't take beta blockers if you have raynauds syndrome (circulation problem affecting fingers/toes in cold weather) which I do get. But will see how it goes on thurs I guess!

Pleased for you!

You know your subject, you're an expert and you've definitely got this. Don't cancel or you'll regret so much more than if you'd tried and didnt get it. We are all rooting for you x

@Euromillsplz
I have made an appointment for myself too tomorrow and am bricking it that he/she will just laugh at me and tell me to think positively or whatever.

Pandainthe... but it’s the funniest thing - when I went to the GP (private one I was that desperate) she told me she had suffered from the same thing. Like me, she had tried 1:1 therapy (quasi hyponotherapy), courses, you name it - but she found beta blockers were the silver bullet. I was amazed. Then the pharmacist told me ‘these are a game changer’. How about that. Don’t get fobbed off.
Good luck Euromill! It’s going to be just fine.

Thanks, that has made me feel better about asking

Well that was actually very easy - very helpful GP. Next thing is to try one out!

Aw, just came across this thread now and was willing you to have gotten the job. When there are internal candidates it's always going to a battle.
You might have lost a battle, but you haven't lost the war. Onwards to the next fight!

Well done - let us know when you’ve tried them Panda, I bet you find them helpful.

@Pandaintheporridge- that's exactly how I felt too about asking the doctor- and although she didn't tell me she's taken them herself, I did get the vibe that she totally understood. I too was expecting to put up a bit of a fight! In fact i was ready to tell her I'm ordering them off the internet and to please just check my blood pressure!

I really hope it goes well for you. I've so far only tried them in a less pressured situation, but still noticed a difference.

Thanks @Ladybugspicnic. It's so reassuring when the professionals can endorse these things 👍!

Well i took one half an hour ago, dont feel any different but I'm not in a stressful environment just now!

Just saw all the new comments ❤️

The only reason I’ve not been to GP yet is because I need to save all my ‘medical appointments’ for when I get interviews - dire situation in current role so pretty much desperate for any new role!! If I’ve not got one this month, I’m going to go in December. Really enthused by all your comments, hope my GP responds like yours - if they really are the silver bullet, we can all meet up and do a speech 😂

Panda it’s when you’re in the thick of it you’ll notice the difference. The spotlight may be on you in a way that used to make you panic but your fight or flight response just won’t kick in - you will be on an even keel.
Yeah - we can do a TED talk

I was such a tube, went into the kitchen last night and the tablet was still on the counter! No wonder I didn't feel any different
I took one today before a meeting, only medium stress for me but it went really well and I certainly felt more relaxed than normal.

Practice, practice, practice!!

Video yourself doing it and play it back.

Get your nails done or hair done or buy a new shirt or something that will have you feeling fierce.

Go to bed early the night before.

You can do it!!! And if it goes badly, no big deal because at least you tried!

The people you are presenting to are there because they have to be. It’s within their job descriptions to sit through the presentations of job applicants, it’s probably not something they relish either.

Looks at it this way:

You have something to give them. You are doing them a favour by turning up well prepared and enthusiastic about this role. Smile warmly at them. Make eye contact with each of them. Think about how you are making them feel, rather than how you feel. Present like you are catching up with an old friend.

I posted before reading the full thread - my apologies. I wish you all the best, and even if you don’t get this role, it’s a real achievement to have pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. Well bloody done!

Hi, I haven't RTFT but came on to echo the posts about Toastmasters as I was going to suggest it but a search showed others have.

It really is a safe and supportive environment where you can learn to speak with no come back if a speech doesn't quite work - the other members just want you to succeed!

I'm relatively new to TM and it's been incredibly worthwhile and I absolutely recommend it.

Good luck - Hope whatever you decide to do helps.

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give a little update... I ended up handing in my notice at my current job as it was just too soul destroying... That was Monday and I have just been offered a perfect role! What a different just a few weeks can make! I also have propannanol ready for when I need it!

Thank you all for your kind and supportive messages :)

Congratulations OP! Wonderful news

Congratulations