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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To admit my fate, wuss out and not do the presentation?

275 replies

GinAndBubbles · 14/10/2019 01:06

TLDR: I physically hate presenting / speaking in groups. Should I cancel interview for amazing role as it requires 25 min presentation to directors?

That sums it up really! Until around 14 I was super confident and in all the drama clubs etc. One day I volunteered to get in front of class and I was laughed at for blushing. Since then I’ve not been able to be ‘all eyes on me’. It got so bad I couldn’t even have happy birthday sang to me in a restaurant. Many physical symptoms too (don’t want to TMI!).

I’ve managed somehow to get round this in my career to date, most recently by being honest and avoiding presenting. I’m fine in a large meeting if speaking is on my terms - put me on the spot and I basically die (slight exaggeration but feels like that at the time).

So currently in a role I despise and want to leave hourly. Have an interview Tuesday for a Head of role that is perfect, other than presenting it’s genuinely something I could excel in.

I was only told of the presentation element on Friday so have worked all weekend to pull a PowerPoint together - they want me to answer 2 role specific questions in 25 minutes.

The slides are ace, my content is great... I’m just a quivering mess when I think about delivering it.

AIBU to cancel? If you think yes, how the hell do I get round this Blush?!

Extra info: I’ve personally paid £1,000+ on courses, hypnotherapy etc to try and rid me of this complex - no success.

I also know I cannot bear my current role (whole other thread as to why 🙈 - but legit reasons as toxic place), so will leave in the coming months (or weeks). At my level there aren’t that many roles that come up, so other than taking the plunge into contracting I’d be looking at substantial pay cut... I’m the main earner in household so that bring a whole new host of issues.

Fully appreciate the masses aren’t fans of public speaking and I’d love to just ‘get over myself’, but it truly physically and mentally affects me... I’m stuck (and freaking out!)

OP posts:
ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2019 19:51

I've just read all this and I just wanted to say how amazing you've done OP. I'm not as bad but I know how you feel with the 'all eyes on me' feeling. I get this even talking close with a manager at work. I don't know if I could have done what you did and it's an incredible achievement 👏👏

Euromillsplz · 18/10/2019 20:41

@Skinsosoftandblemishfree-
I was wondering if it's safe/legit to get them online- could you tell me where from please?

Euromillsplz · 18/10/2019 21:29

I'm still only half way down page 7 (slow reader!) But want to say I'm actually smiling reading this - such amazingly supportive posts and above all, fucking HELL well done for pushing through it Flowers.
I too can't believe so many people have the same fears and symptoms- it's helping me massively just reading this and fuck it, I'm definitely going ahead with the beta blockers! I'm hopeful about what a pp has said about it breaking the negative loop in your brain after a while, after so many positive experiences with blocked fight/flight symptoms (thanks drugs).

Very best of luck with it all. You so absolutely deserve it !

Euromillsplz · 18/10/2019 21:34

Also (sorry OP, this is the most I've ever posted but am really feeling this thread!) I meant to say how much I relate to your comments about the electric chair and lottery win- this is me all over and I've made very similar comparisons myself many a time! How awful that we feel such depths of despair and anguish over speaking- the mind can be a problematic bastard at times, it really can Sad

GinAndBubbles · 18/10/2019 21:54

After recent posts on here about too many ‘xxx’ etc on a comment, I’m hesitant to post again as it’s just TOO BLOODY AMAZING!!

No news today so Monday / Tuesday I should know my fate 🤞🤞

I’m keeping my husband entertained by letting him know I’m an internet sensation with TEN pages 😂

Cannot thank everyone enough, your comment kept me going, and continue to do so! Not normally the lovey dovey one but you guys are just too much ❤️

Feel bashful that so many people have been part of this... but also really happy others could share their stories- selfishly so I know I’m not the only one!!!

😊

OP posts:
Euromillsplz · 18/10/2019 22:09

Hahaha, you know what... you could start doing TED talks off the back of this!! 🤜🤣

You're Brill.

GinAndBubbles · 18/10/2019 23:24

@Euromillsplz... just did a sick in my mouth at the thought 😂... via Skype sign me up, in person - I’d rather die!!

PS just bought me a Euro ticket - thanks for reminder!

OP posts:
Weenurse · 18/10/2019 23:29

Well done 💐

HidingFromDD · 18/10/2019 23:41

well done you! If you (or anyone else) want to practice your speaking in public, and get over 'the fear' I'd suggest you look for a local toastmasters club. Although it might look like it's for people who want to become public speakers, most of them are actually full of people just like you, who need to be able to stand up in public sometimes and give presentations or short talks. It's a supportive environment where there's no 'risk' if you mess it up and really helpful just to get used to standing up there!

Ellmau · 19/10/2019 10:34

And even if you don't get the job (I hope you do!) now you know you can do it for another time!

Euromillsplz · 19/10/2019 13:08

🤣
Well, now you're on a roll.... gotta be in it to win it!! 🤞🤞🤞

CalmConfident · 21/10/2019 08:51

Fingers crossed for positive news this week for you

GinAndBubbles · 22/10/2019 13:07

Afternoon everyone, I’ve just received the call and as thought, I was unsuccessful.

As I really thought that would be the case it hasn’t come as a surprise, what did was the positive feedback they gave! A massive part of that was this thread and everything I took from it, so a BIG thank you to each and every one of you ❤️

Now means I’m stuck in a role/company I urgently need to get out of, but that’s a thread for another day 😂

OP posts:
Horehound · 22/10/2019 14:24

Oh sorry op. Hope you get something soon. It wasn't a wanted interview though and now you know if you got through that one you can get through another!

WonderTweek · 22/10/2019 15:01

Sorry to hear you didn't get it but you should be so proud of yourself! I'm much like yourself in terms of anxiety, and would have wussed out and just not done it, and I'm so impressed that you went up there any bloody did it! What a legend. Grin I hope this opens up new opportunities to you, in that you can start counting more public speaking type stuff in because you can do it. I'm going to remember this thread next time I have to go to a meeting and say more than yes or no (I'm pretty bad with anxiety Blush). Well done!

LaurieMarlow · 22/10/2019 15:06

Sorry to hear you didn't get it but you should be so proud of yourself!

I second this. Well done OP.

Flippetydip · 22/10/2019 15:16

Sorry you didn't get it, but at least you know you can do it now. Well done - you did amazingly.

And just to say - this is Mumsnet at its absolute best - as it used to be. Nice to have it back (even if just for a moment!).

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/10/2019 15:47

Sorry you didn't get it, but next time you will know you can present, if you have to. You have a lot to be proud of!

eddielizzard · 22/10/2019 16:55

OK this small battle was lost, but the war will still be won! Keep on with applying, keep trying, don't give up!

lidoshuffle · 22/10/2019 17:35

Look on this as a practice run for an even better job, know you know you can do a presentation!

HappyHarlot · 22/10/2019 18:38

I'm sorry you didn't get the job,but you learned a lot of positive things about yourself from this challenge.

Use it to keep moving forward.

MyFavouritePlace · 22/10/2019 18:40

You should be very proud of yourself and something even better will be round the corner for you.

TheTrollFairy · 22/10/2019 18:48

OP, you should be very proud of yourself for doing it.

Please don’t chalk this up to anything you did, it’s very common for business to promote from within their own company as it saves a lot of training (and at times they can usually pay at the lower end of the pay scale offered as the person is training).

Overcoming anxiety like this is hard so even turning up is something to be proud of, add in that you did the interview and you may as well have climbed a mountain.

feelinghelplesstoday · 22/10/2019 21:25

I'm so sorry you didn't get this role @GinAndBubbles but it clearly wasnt the right role for you. Your new found confidence will help you secure one that is absolutely the right one for you. Everything happens for a reason.
You should be so proud of pushing yourself massively out of your comfort zone.
We'll all be here to cheer you on for your next interview! 💐

Mymindblown · 22/10/2019 22:43

Sorry for the not so good news, but I do know from personal experience that to do these types of things successfully just take practice. Each time you'll learn something and gain confidence. Just trust that another opportunity will come up that will also be a really good fit for you, and you'll have the benefit of this experience!