To admit my fate, wuss out and not do the presentation?

[GinAndBubbles]

TLDR: I physically hate presenting / speaking in groups. Should I cancel interview for amazing role as it requires 25 min presentation to directors?

That sums it up really! Until around 14 I was super confident and in all the drama clubs etc. One day I volunteered to get in front of class and I was laughed at for blushing. Since then I’ve not been able to be ‘all eyes on me’. It got so bad I couldn’t even have happy birthday sang to me in a restaurant. Many physical symptoms too (don’t want to TMI!).

I’ve managed somehow to get round this in my career to date, most recently by being honest and avoiding presenting. I’m fine in a large meeting if speaking is on my terms - put me on the spot and I basically die (slight exaggeration but feels like that at the time).

So currently in a role I despise and want to leave hourly. Have an interview Tuesday for a Head of role that is perfect, other than presenting it’s genuinely something I could excel in.

I was only told of the presentation element on Friday so have worked all weekend to pull a PowerPoint together - they want me to answer 2 role specific questions in 25 minutes.

The slides are ace, my content is great... I’m just a quivering mess when I think about delivering it.

AIBU to cancel? If you think yes, how the hell do I get round this ?!

Extra info: I’ve personally paid £1,000+ on courses, hypnotherapy etc to try and rid me of this complex - no success.

I also know I cannot bear my current role (whole other thread as to why 🙈 - but legit reasons as toxic place), so will leave in the coming months (or weeks). At my level there aren’t that many roles that come up, so other than taking the plunge into contracting I’d be looking at substantial pay cut... I’m the main earner in household so that bring a whole new host of issues.

Fully appreciate the masses aren’t fans of public speaking and I’d love to just ‘get over myself’, but it truly physically and mentally affects me... I’m stuck (and freaking out!)

I sympathise as I feel similar... but I think you have to try as it seems too good an opportunity to miss! Interviewers normally understand people are nervous. Practicing it ahead will help. They won't mind if you blush (I only mention this as you say that's what started all this for you). Good luck :)

I’ve put an Amazon order in for the Bach rescue remedy and am chuckling at how ill look this evening practicing in front of a mirror pretending to me other people! These suggestions are amazing and really boosting how I feel. Thank you all... wish it was you lot I was presenting to (actually maybe not, let’s keep the numbers as low as possible, baby steps!!)!

Another one saying play the role of a confident kick ass presenter - I swear this works. I am terrified of flying, and would literally sit in tears gripping the arm rests for the first half an hour of any flight. Not any more - as I walk into the plane I become "mysterious and powerful international businesswoman" , have a glass of wine and serenely study my magazine.

It's mad but it works. You've got this!

What lovely responses on this thread! OP no real advice just wanted to wish you good luck as I am the same. I'd probably even open with explaining to them that i get incredibly nervous at presenting and to please forgive any nerves - im sure some people might say dont do this but having interviewed people myself in the past it has made me silently cheer them on the whole way through!
Think of all the hard things you've had to do in your life - you are here stood on the other side of them right now so you can be stood on the other side of this!
Weirdly personally I find counting down the hours until its over to be soothing - i know it makes it worse for some people but it actually works for me!
Good luck, you've got this!!!

I feel your fear, op. I was that same 14 year old. Went from being so confident in my younger years to breathing into a bag in my English class as I was having a panic attack about reading out loud. I then used to stress about speaking out loud in all my classes and it carried on through a levels and uni and work. Hated myself because of it as used to go so red and spoke at 100 miles an hour. I went to a speakers club because of it and that really helped but stopped going when I moved and had children. Am not as bad as I was but still get nervous. I have beta blockers for overactive thyroid and they have worked for the nervousness too. Might be worth speaking to the doctor.
It's crazy because socially I am a very confident chatty person so it makes no sense to me. It's all about confidence I suppose. Read feel the fear and do it anyway, that's a great book.
Good luck, I hope you smash it and get the job.

1- remember YOU know this stuff, chances are the directors don’t know it’s all!

2- use rescue remedy

3- were lose fitting clothes if you sweat, the worry of sweating will make it worse, and you end up in a vicious circle

4- take a deep breath

5- before you go in, go to the bathroom and stand in the superman pose and take deep breaths, google it, it really helps!

6- if you make a mistake, say sorry, I meant to say X, better to correct your mistake, then to ignore it, otherwise it looks like you thought your mistake was correct

7- when you go in say ‘hi nice to meet you’ and shake every hand, before sitting down

8- if you say or are asked a question about something you’ve said, and it goes against what they are saying/their way of working, say I believe this way is best because etc. Don’t change your way to fit with them- they are interviewing you for your knowledge. I once slatted an entire companies way of working (undiagnosed Bipolar and hypomanic at the time 🙈), I was offered the job within 2 hours of being interviewed, as apparently I was the only candidate who highlighted their failings, where they were going wrong and what I would do to rectify this. Every other candidate said ‘I like the way you are doing X’, ‘I can see how beneficial working this way is..’ etc, but it was the opposite and that’s why they had so many problems.

9- take a bottle of water to sip whilst you talk, don’t apologise for taking a drink.

10- as much as you run though your powerpoints, don’t rely on them so much that you sound automated and if you stumble you lose your way. Be prepared for them asking questions whilst you are presenting. So feel at ease with your presentation, so that you can stop and start anywhere confidently.

11- Remember they want you! They see potential in you! Not only are you selling yourself to them, they have to sell themselves to you! Have a couple of really good questions to ask at the end, when they say ‘any other questions?’.

12- Feel free to ignore all of the above, this is just the things by that work for me!! Good Luck, you’ve got this!

Oh yes, I forgot about Rescue Remedy - really worth trying.

I wouldn’t take a tranquilliser if you don’t normally as you don’t know how you will react.

I worded my post badly. I meant half a tablet, an hour beforehand, and to test how it would affect you a day or so before so that you're not zonked.

But having been reminded of Rescue Remedy by pp that's what I'd use before tranquilisers.

This was me OP- diarrhoea, restlessness, panic, knots in my stomach, sleepless nights for days/weeks, migraines- you name it, at the thought of an impending interview/presentation. I tried everything to control it and nothing would work. Until one day when I got fed up of myself for feeling like this and thought "fuck it, I'm going to go and crash and burn with this presentation but I don't give a shit if I do- I'll never see these people again". That took the pressure off and I got the job and negotiated myself a pay rise!!! During the presentation with 4 top managers, how I managed to actually keep myself calm was thinking- they may be big shots but they still use the toilet like everyone else! Imagine the interviewers on the toilet during the interview and allow yourself an internal chuckle while you wow them with your presentation. You've got this.

OP, do you often spend so much energy on kicking yourself as you did in your OP?

Read it back as if someone else had written it, and see them just putting themselves down over and over again.

Good luck @GinAndBubbles I'm sure you'll do just fine

It would be a shame to lose out on this opportunity so I hope you do go for it!

Quite a few years ago, I was interviewing for a brilliant role that wouldn't come up often.
Competition was fierce. Two candidates were almost neck & neck, one clearly nervous and struggling with their presentation but they knew their stuff. It was plain to see this through the nerves and they got the job! (And went onwards and upwards to an even more prestigious role several years later I'm pleased to say!)

Get into a room on your own. Speak the presentation out loud, whilst pacing the floor. Do it a couple of times so you have the content very clear in your mind. Helps no end.

Op you can do this.

It might feel like shit now but it will be over. In a few hours you will be looking back at this. It's a tiny portion of pain for lots of possible gain.

Before hand.

Breathe

make a superwoman pose and breath. ( in private in the loos )

Then think fuck it.

And go and do it.

Look at your slides, use them, don't speed up.

You will be looking back at this.

Good Luck OP

Aww OP I too could have written this a few months ago. As a teenager I was confident, did lots of singing, talks, speeches, acting. In my 20's that took a total nosedive, my self worth was soo low but in my 30's I did a degree, I had to do a presentation and I completely bailed, couldn't speak, my lab partner had to take over. I'm 40 now, a couple of months ago I was asked to do a new role, which involved training volunteers - my boss believed I could do it, and strangely everyone else did too. I've just completed my 4th two-day training course, talking all day, presenting all day. The fifth starts tmw.

You can do this too OP, 25 mins is honestly nothing, try and get your audience involved if you can - ask them questions, throw it out to the floor, that way it takes the pressure off you and gets them thinking. And they'll all be rooting for you, no one wants you to fail, just believe in yourself! Good luck!!

Good luck!

Good luck, maybe try beta blockers next time, Obama and loads of well known public speakers use them before giving a speech.

Let us know how it goes.

Something that helps me is the knowledge that the people I am presenting to want me to do well. I don’t know why it helps but it does. And you have a massive amount of mumsnetters willing you to do well. So that might be a good thing to have in the back of your mind. Good Luck.

It's less than half an hour that could change your life for the better.
Have you thought about not talking 'to' the people you are presenting to, but focus on something slightly behind?

I always get an odd red rash on my neck and chest. I never ever get that in normal life! I wear a light scarf and try and keep my clothes quite thin too. Better to be too cold rather then too warm. You will be ace!

OP this sounds just like me! Hate presenting and hate being put on the spot during meetings. I always blush and am so aware of it!

I went on a course last year and learnt two things which have actually helped me:

Each day, choose your attitude. Wake up in the morning and decide your attitude for the day. Tomorrow, wake up and decide you are going to be positive and confident in your abilities (after all, you are perfectly able to do the role)

Fake it til you make it. Even if you don't feel confident or comfortable inside, show it on the outside until you are. Walk in to the room and give big warm smiles, offer hand shakes and make eye contact with them to show you are genuinely pleased to meet them. Have open body language when you are presenting etc.

A technique which helped me was to imagine the feelings of anxiety or terror as a little angel vs devil on my shoulder. In these situations i tell myself the devil is irrational and not backed up with any evidence. I then focus more on the angel which tells me real facts (I have the knowledge, I have the experience etc)

Best of luck OP, genuinely hope you get the role!

I regularly do presentations for my job. Echo what a pp said, you might just be asked to talk them through the presentation rather than give it. So explaining why you would put this slide up first, rationale for why you would cover this topic in this way etc. Do make sure you can answer that, in some ways it is easier than actually presenting and shows that you prepared the slides. Secondly I can never take a run through seriously so if you feel that it doesn't go well tonight do not panic. I always do far better when going live. You have nothing to lose and loads to gain.

The fact you care so much speaks volumes.

If you know the content is good and you know you can do the job well then just see this as a hurdle you have to jump and smash it.

I often think someone who is assured of their knowledge but not completely arragont is more attractive to an employer

Just ran through it solo about 10 times - taking on board everyone’s amazing comments!

I’m having a little breather and a cuppa, then have 3 people here who are waiting for me to bore, I mean amaze, them!!

I CAN DO THIS!!

(Dashes to loo for 15th time and tries not to pass out!)

Thank you all, you’ve genuinely helped more than you’ll ever know ❤️

You said you had brilliant content and slides (I think) - this is where you definitely will shine, when you get into the content and know what you’re talking about. Your experience will shine out especially with all of your practice.
I’m excited for you. Good luck!!!

Shoulders back, chest out, (opens your lung space up) breathe, pause, smile and speak. Channel your inner Sascha Fierce (or whomever you greatly admire. Me, I have Rachel from friends shiny hair, Pamela Anderson's amazing busom and Buffy the vampire slayers cheesy/sharp wit, giving my age away there).

They will expect nerves, shows your passionate and the job is important to you. If you do cock up, I've choked on my own spittle before now, acknowledge it with a joke 'need more water with that etc', take a breath and continue.

You can do this. Good luck!