To admit my fate, wuss out and not do the presentation?

[GinAndBubbles]

TLDR: I physically hate presenting / speaking in groups. Should I cancel interview for amazing role as it requires 25 min presentation to directors?

That sums it up really! Until around 14 I was super confident and in all the drama clubs etc. One day I volunteered to get in front of class and I was laughed at for blushing. Since then I’ve not been able to be ‘all eyes on me’. It got so bad I couldn’t even have happy birthday sang to me in a restaurant. Many physical symptoms too (don’t want to TMI!).

I’ve managed somehow to get round this in my career to date, most recently by being honest and avoiding presenting. I’m fine in a large meeting if speaking is on my terms - put me on the spot and I basically die (slight exaggeration but feels like that at the time).

So currently in a role I despise and want to leave hourly. Have an interview Tuesday for a Head of role that is perfect, other than presenting it’s genuinely something I could excel in.

I was only told of the presentation element on Friday so have worked all weekend to pull a PowerPoint together - they want me to answer 2 role specific questions in 25 minutes.

The slides are ace, my content is great... I’m just a quivering mess when I think about delivering it.

AIBU to cancel? If you think yes, how the hell do I get round this ?!

Extra info: I’ve personally paid £1,000+ on courses, hypnotherapy etc to try and rid me of this complex - no success.

I also know I cannot bear my current role (whole other thread as to why 🙈 - but legit reasons as toxic place), so will leave in the coming months (or weeks). At my level there aren’t that many roles that come up, so other than taking the plunge into contracting I’d be looking at substantial pay cut... I’m the main earner in household so that bring a whole new host of issues.

Fully appreciate the masses aren’t fans of public speaking and I’d love to just ‘get over myself’, but it truly physically and mentally affects me... I’m stuck (and freaking out!)

OP, I feel for you - I was exactly the same. I have never been particularly confident especially not talking in front of people but for career progression I had to do a presentation, something I’d not done since my uni days. And now I have to do them on a really frequent basis, it’s helped my confidence hugely.

I find what works for me is to act like I’m confident even if I’m a quivering mess inside, and make sure I know my content back to front. It’s the thought of the unknown and getting questions that will throw me that causes my anxiety.

Don’t cancel - you can do it! You just need to practice, be well prepared and remember that the build up is usually worse than the reality! Good luck!

I had to do this for a job I really wanted and like you I hated my current job.
My nerves did come through but it turned into more of a conversation. I got the job.

It did however involve giving presentations every 3 months or so which I found really tough. I told myself there is no option but to walk through the fire. Medication might have been helpful to me but I never thought of it.

You can do this OP!

If you have a chance watch the TED talk "Your body language may shape who you are" it really helped me with interviews.

Good luck!

You can do it! PMA 😁

It might already have been mentioned, but when I give presentations I pretend I am acting in a role of ‘confident presenter’ - sounds corny but it allows me to step outside of myself & my nerves!

I give presentations in my job every day [lecturer]. Usually more than once a day. I totally understand the fear. I still don't like it, even after nearly a decade in the job, though it's definitely getting generally easier. Sometimes I still get shaky, feel sick, my throat goes dry while I'm speaking. Major imposter syndrome.

Here are my tips:

1. Practice can be good, but not always. It's the actual experience of presenting that I find difficult, and it doesn't matter how many times I do it front of a mirror, the fear is the same when I walk into the room. Still,
2. Know your slides and your slide progression really well. Use presenter view so that you can see what slide is coming up next. Write SLIDE on your notes so you know to change, if you think you might forget.
3. Bring a drink and drink it regularly! You can hear when someone's mouth is dry - it's a strange tacking noise [I hear it from myself often!]. Drinking regularly also gives you a few seconds to collect yourself.

If you get the job, will you have to do presentations regularly. It does get a bit easier with time. It's ok to acknowledge being nervous. People understand. I agree with someone who posted above - the worst presenters I know are the people who are overly confident, and waffle on loudly, loving the sound of their own voices.

Good luck to you.

You can do it, think of the benefits of the new job. Have a look on YouTube there’s lots of great videos on there of suggestions for public speaking. My brother got a new role that involved presenting to large groups so he joined toastmasters (google them), they run clubs for people who want to improve their public speaking, he couldn’t recommend it highly enough he really enjoys speaking to large groups now.

Oh yes, as mummatron says - acting is good. I often adopt the persona of a friend of mine who is really warm and v good at interacting with people when I'm teaching.

London page of toastmasters, they have clubs across the country:

london-toastmasters.co.uk/LondonToastmastersMeeting

Wow, just wow!!

I cannot believe all the comments that have come in over night (whilst I’ve been tossing and turning at the thought of tomorrow)!

The suggestions and comments have blown me away, there are a few in there I’ve not come across so will definitely be adding them to my must do list!! I keep swinging from ‘I’ve got this’, to ‘OMG I’m freaking out and want to run away’...

I’d genuinely rather have this crazy irrational fear gone over anything, even a lottery win!

It was so great to hear your stories of when you’ve overcome it, you’ve all definitely helped me swing towards ‘I’ve got this’... I’m going to practice in front of 3 adults tonight (husband, mother and friend).

I absolutely need to start reframing it in my mind as a positive experience, and not the one currently looping round 🙈

Genuine massive thanks to everyone ❤️

I’ll let you know how it goes... gulp!!

Longer term, CBT worked for me.

Short term: practice doing the presentation over and over and over. And over again.

Write it all out in full as well - you don't want to actually read it, but having the text there will help your confidence if you do get stuck. And breathe slowly. If you get stuck, distract from it by taking a drink of water.

And concentrate on the fact you ARE good, you will be perfect for the job.

Did you watch X Factor on Saturday night? Go to Martin Bashir's bit and listen to what he says on stage. The show is cheesy as, but his wee bit had me in tears and it was a pretty motivating message. Seriously have a watch and see if it makes you feel any more determined to do it. Good Luck!

I give bi-weekly presentations to my company' top leadership. I make a fool of myself all the time, say the wrong things and don't always sound smart. And that's perfectly ok.... because I am not a Wonder Woman. If you ask my colleagues though, they'll say that presenting and public speaking are my biggest strengths.

Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes. Accept that sometimes you will give sub par performances due to a variety of reasons that may not necessarily be in your control.

What is not ok though is to chicken out. Treat yourself with kindness and allow yourself to make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up after every little thing. Relax and go for it

I was terrified to give presentations until I was 25 or so. Then I gave a presentation that went well and have enjoyed it ever since!

They are there listening to you because they are interested in what you have to say! You spent time carefully putting it all together and that will be useful and valuable to them.

On a very small technical point, I find that starting with a "road map" of the presentation sets me at ease. Like, "Today I'll going to talk about x, I'll start with a basic summary of y, then talk about w, z, etc, then finish up with x, leaving the last five minutes for your questions." then depending on the audience I'll say something like, "Sounds good?" And then of course people nod and then it just feels like we're all in it together.

HRTFT but if I had to do something like this for a job, as a one-off, I'd ask friends and relatives if anyone was on tranquilisers and borrow one, and take half an hour or so before the presentation. Or ask your doctor for a prescription for a few. If possible test the effect a few days before - I got a prescription for 6 xanax from doctor before flying somewhere (have a real phobia about it). I tried one and it knocked me right out, so I took less than half on the day of the flight, it worked like a charm.

When I need to do presentations I take a beta blocker. It stops the rapid heart beat and sweating etc.

I'm still nervous as hell though so I pretend I'm not. I pretend I'm acting and I'm the most confident person ever. It works actually.

You can so do this! You clearly know your stuff so just take a deep breath, smile and pretend you're confident. They will never know and it will be over before you know it.

One of the methods I used to use when training people who were nervous was to do it in the style of someone else. We used to do really silly practice sessions (all done facing a wall so totally private) where they pretended to be (for example) Mr Bean/Hyacinth Bouquet making their presentation and when they were more relaxed, they were able to find a presentation style that allowed them to reduce the feeling of panic. I have no idea how this worked, but for most people the feedback was that they got through their presentation successfully and were happy. Good luck :)

Op Bach Rescue Remedy

It’s probably a placebo effect but it got me through my driving test. I think it’s the thought you’ve taken something go control the nerves that makes you feel more under control....

Yes, it really does work Morgan.

The worst thing that can happen is that you'll run away half way in a blushing, sweaty mess, and like school, people will take the piss. That's your fear but it won't happen for these reasons.

1. The interviewers are behind you and don't want you to do badly.

1. No bullying schoolkids involved.

1. You won't have to see them again if you don't want to.

1. Crucially, you have the power to not give up if you stumble. You can carry on to the end, get your point across and even with mistakes it will be a success.

OP listen to to medb and Socky above - they are wise!

I am also a university lecturer so do presentations to groups ranging from 30-300 on a weekly basis.

I remember very early on, getting nervous before a job interview. I really wanted the job. It would have made life perfect -- then-DP and I could move in together, it was a perfect commute etc. But I was so scared.

Then right before the interview pres, I got angry. I realised that these stupid shitty physical symptoms of anxiety were taking away my job that I loved and that would enable me to have a lovely lifestyle. Someone else was going to get that job and enjoy all those things, and I would stay on rubbish hourly paid contracts and living in the rented room which was all I could afford. All because I couldn't stop my hands shaking and my voice drying up.

I just thought bugger that. I will overcome those feelings. And I did. I mean, not entirely, but enough to give a competent pres.

I got the job and it kickstarted my career. I am where I am now, 15 years on, because I got angry that day.

Might be useful to you too? How much do you want this?

I wouldn’t take a tranquilliser if you don’t normally as you don’t know how you will react.

I feel your pain op, I was literally pushed into a room of medical consultants to talk about my job as a nurse. No preparation done at all. My throat went into spasm and I couldn't get a word out. Scarred me for life.
You have done lots of preparation and sound like you know your stuff inside and out. Remember it's only for 25 minutes and it will fly by. My friend who appears super confident is terrified of public speaking but she finds twiddling a paperclip and focusing on the paperclip can help.
I have total faith you will smash it!! Go for it!

Ask yourself what's the worst that can happen.
People laughing at you because you are blushing? That's happened before and you survived it even though you didn't like it. Far less likelihood now than at school of people being that badly behaved.

Doing so badly you lose out on the job? Maybe, but not as definite as losing out by withdrawing from the race.

To ease nerves, I always tell myself: they don;t give a toss about me. I'm not the one they are interested in. It's the information I hold that they care about. If you can care about the information too, and fix your attention on content, not audience. then you'll be fine.

I have seen some really professional, slick, witty presentations that are thin on content, and some shy, mumbled ones (usually by under-confident women) that are full of fascinating material. Guess which person I look forward to hearing from most next time? It isn't the bloke with the bloated ego...

Came to thread a bit late, OP, and nothing helpful to add, but the best of luck for tomorrow! I'm sure you can do it!

Practice, practice, practice.