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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
Agitetur · 13/10/2019 23:02

Confront the ow?oh go on then.Deliver the killer mn line did you mean to be so rude
That’ll poleaxe her.she’ll be rendered incapable.

OhJustElfOff · 13/10/2019 23:08

Does he know you know about the secret meeting up? I just don't buy the explanation of not having seen it, if I'd written a confession of undying love for someone I think I would expect a response within a few days and would therefore have asked about it, I think that a usual follow up would be to query if they'd read or thought about it

myolivetree · 13/10/2019 23:09

Who has a letter 'slipped' into their pocket and doesn't read it ? C'mon.
But then why leave it on the side?
It doesn't add up OP.

I've been on the other side of an emotional affair OP and a lot of things like this didn't stack up. Especially in the initial knee jerk denial stage.

Horrible situation for you OP. Very sorry.

Cuddling57 · 13/10/2019 23:11

To answer your question, yes let her know you've found it and know what's going on. But do it together with your husband. (If you still want him that is).

This is all on your DH. But why do people let the other person get away with such inappropriate conduct? She is at fault too.

VenusTiger · 13/10/2019 23:13

The Ow might be unstable... maybe she’s been harassing him? Just a thought.

LonginesPrime · 13/10/2019 23:15

Who has a letter 'slipped' into their pocket and doesn't read it ?

Maybe a man who doesn't give a fuck about the woman he's leading on but loves the ego boost her attention gives him?

InkyFingersInkyFace · 13/10/2019 23:15

Just dump his stuff in bin bags and leave it on the front drive/ wherever, make sure he can't get in.

Call his bluff.

He's a wanker.

RubbingHimSourly · 13/10/2019 23:16

She sounds like a nut job.

And I wouldn't automatically blame him, if the boot was on the other foot we wouldn't be blaming the woman.......I'd bring any bunnies indoors and hide the large saucepans tho. HmmWink

Derbee · 13/10/2019 23:35

I’d talk to him. She may well have planted it recently, to cause trouble and get what she wants.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 13/10/2019 23:36

Is he really tight? A right Scrooge?

Coz that's the only reason that could excuse his fingers not ever reaching deeply enough into his pockets to find a fucking letter!

katewhinesalot · 13/10/2019 23:42

Definitely her or you but she'll find other ways to contact him if he defriends her. Can you trust him?

VenusTiger · 13/10/2019 23:43

I think she wrote the letter a while ago but hasn’t had the guts to give it to him, which will explain why it looks old and also explain why she planted it in his jacket pocket, when he nipped to the loos perhaps?

There’s no way he’d leave it on the side OP - you’ve been with him a long time and you say she has form for this. Try and trust him first. We’d all be expecting that of him if you were being suspected.

Befriending her was harmless, but now that she’s made her feelings clear, he needs to tell her on the phone, with you within earshot, that she’s to back off.

Oakandlove · 13/10/2019 23:50

I don't think the letter is months old, it is recent and he has read it, of course he has. I'd hedge my bets and give him a sharp targeted dose of reality and tell him to fuck off out of the house. My want would be to confront her, but I know (and it has taken me years to realise aggression never is the best strategy in the majority of scenarios) so leave her off to whatever meanderings she penned in that letter. Put it all on the line for him. But this is the crunch - he could go to her and you have all you need to know; or he could crawl to you but then you have a decision to make because what has transpired is not even a bit acceptable. Let him think about losing it all and see how you feel and if he comes up to the mark, it's up to you.

Dita73 · 14/10/2019 00:00

Neither of them have any respect for you or your relationship so I would be banging on her door right now asking her what the hell she’s playing at!!! Put her in her place then do the same to your husband. He knows exactly how she feels about him,he’s loving it and probably stringing her along. You are and deserve much better than this crap. If he wants to be a twat and play games then let him get on with it but please kick him out of your house first.

lynzpynz · 14/10/2019 00:08

You're a lot more restrained than me, that letter would be on fb for all his family and our friends to see what she / he's been up to and watch them eat him for breakfast! Would I hell be covering that up so he can gaslight me into pretending its nothing, he's never seen it and everything's fine! Not suggesting you do this btw, just saying what my enraged self would do 😂!!

You're being really dignified already OP, always remember you're with a partner because you choose to be. You deserve respect, love and empathy - and after carrying 4 of his children you deserve bucket loads of it!! He's been an arse, he should never have been meeting up with her in first place and as for her deleting you on fb and him staying pals - 🚩. He's on the couch tonight when he gets in yes?!

summersherewishiwasnt · 14/10/2019 00:10

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Creepster · 14/10/2019 00:16

Do you know if this is his first emotional affair or if this has been a pattern over the course of your relationship?

Shessobrave · 14/10/2019 00:17

@summersherewishiwasnt She said they AREN'T old enough to read it. Try reading correctly!!!

Lovebeingmama · 14/10/2019 00:22

Hi,
Has she had opportunity to get in your house and plant a letter. Perhaps she is hoping it might cause a huge row, he’ll end up on the doorstep and she’ll be there for him.
Otherwise if she did genuinely put it in his pocket previously he must know. There is no possible way she would not have mentioned it, if she has the cheek to leave it, she won’t be shy following up!
Was he aware that she defriended you and the woman has form but despite this he met up with her and didn’t let you know?! She would have been flirting like crazy before writing this letter and yet he continued meeting up with her?!
At best he’s been extremely disrespectful at worse he could be having an affair. Either way he has big questions to answer.

cardamoncoffee · 14/10/2019 00:25

She sounds unhinged. I can imagine her posting on step parenting board asking how to fit 8 children in one bedroom. OP Is be telling him he's welcome to her.

theWarOnPeace · 14/10/2019 00:31

I’d be kicking him out. What a bullshitter.

GreenyEye · 14/10/2019 01:17

the only way it could be months old and only just appeared is if it was put in the pocket of a coat he hasn't worn since the colder weather earlier in the year.

I find shit in my winter coat pockets that I dont remember putting there all the time when I clear them out first wear again in autumn.. found £20 before xD

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 14/10/2019 01:21

..

justilou1 · 14/10/2019 01:33

I would be advising him that tomorrow this letter will be circulated at school amongst the other mothers to let them know what she’s like...

minesagin37 · 14/10/2019 02:01

Ok go speak to her now as your DH is lying. That way you get the picture about your DH. Don't tell him you are going to speak to her though.

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