Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fil is being a bit cheeky?

175 replies

LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas · 13/10/2019 14:08

Fil has just texted dh "what day will we (him and step mil) be having Christmas Dinner at your house". Bit of background - Fil has not really been interested in us until we had our ds. He would see dh once or twice a year for a few hours. Since he divorced DH's mum when dh was a child he hasn't done much for dh. I have never been invited to his house in the 11 years I have been with dh. AIBU to think fil is being cheeky and if he wants Christmas Dinner with us he can host?
No doubt will get suggestions that dh cook but dh can't cook well and would struggle with the shopping, preparing and cooking a Christmas dinner. When he was at university he made himself frozen food and ready meals or at best pasta with a jar of sauce poured on top or a plain omelette. So I would end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning. And a fancy Christmas Dinner from Marks and Spencer where you just pop it in the oven is a bit too expensive since we have so many Christmas presents and birthday presents to buy (6 birthdays in November and December).

OP posts:
BlueJava · 13/10/2019 17:35

Why not just offer a suitable date and cook a nice meal - but it doesn't have to be xmas dinner all over again. He's coming to see you all not stuff himself silly (or that's what I'd say when he complains)!

Angiemum24 · 13/10/2019 17:36

Just say you only have a interment family Christmas this year. But your welcome to come on Boxing Day with the rest of the extended family.

Drum2018 · 13/10/2019 17:37

Christmas dinner will be on Christmas Day as usual. I hear you are having Mary, John and the kids to your house so therefore you obviously wont make it to ours for the dinner. We will pop over some evening during the holidays if it suits you.

Oswin · 13/10/2019 17:46

Why are people acting like he is the poor father who is trying to make up for treating his kid like shit?
He still treating his kid like shit. Fuck him.

inlectorecumbit · 13/10/2019 17:48

A simple

"I think it is your turn to host us this year. Let us know of the dates you were thinking about and we will see if we are free"

LellyMcKelly · 13/10/2019 18:09

Invite yourself to his house, and get your husband a cook book and tell him to get on with it. Unless he can’t read, there’s no such thing as can’t cook. Those excuses are just nonsense.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 13/10/2019 18:19

I don't get the angst v about the DH not cooking - I'm sure his skills lie elsewhere. I do 95% of the cooking here. DP does a Sunday morning fry-up and that's it. I do the rest. But I really enjoy cooking and am good at it so to me it's a pleasure. If he has to cook he will and he can, but things like beans on toast or pizza that just gets thrown into the oven. It's food that he likes so he's content not learning how to do anything else. In the other hand he's happy to do all the washing up which I loathe to do myself so I count myself lucky.

Tistheseason17 · 14/10/2019 17:38

The issue us FIL has only just become interested in your family unit after ignoring you for many years. FIL also prioritises his wife's family at Christmas. Plus, like you I hate cooking when I don't need to and I loathe waiting on people who could not give 2 shits about me - they always finish the gravy, too!!!!!

YANBU to be annoyed at this.

I'd respond, 'already booked up over Xmas, can we arrange a meal at a restaurant before New Year as we'll be fed up of cooking and leftovers by then - unless you'd like to host us another day?"

pollymere · 14/10/2019 17:41

2025 looks available...

iknowimcoming · 14/10/2019 17:44

I'd reply - sorry was that text meant for us? I thought you were having Xmas dinner with the step-family? We are of course having our Xmas dinner on Xmas day as usual - we hope you have a lovely day - merry Christmas!

ToftyAC · 14/10/2019 17:50

I’d be blunt and say that you are having Christmas lunch on Christmas Day. End of.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 14/10/2019 17:51

Bloody families eh! I am the proud owner of equally crap in-laws. NEVER host anything at theirs but will quite happily eat drink and be merry at our house. They never bring a bottle to parties we host but will drink their way through what we and others provide. If I had my way they wouldn’t be invited full stop. I stopped hosting CD dinner at ours purely because I was fed up with them freeloading. We started going out for CD dinner which they found too costly so would stay at their home and cook CD dinner for my sister in law and her family Confused. I would tell your FIL you are booked up but may be able to pop to theirs one afternoon

SunniDay · 14/10/2019 17:56

I can make a simple roast for my family of 3 for about £5 and close to zero effort. Chicken (the tin you pop in the oven £2.50) ready roast/ready mash (part of frozen bags that cost about £1) frozen veg, ready Yorkshires. Christmas it up a bit with a few sausages (bag of 22 skinnies £1.50) and cranberry sauce, offer a choice of cheesecake or oven baked chocolate brownie pie (£1 each) and I think you can host this meal for £10-£15. Get yourself to Heron/B&M.

(We do use fresh veg often but this is just if you want to make as cheap and easy as possible.)

If your husband only sees his dad once or twice a year it would be kind of you to support this or your husband will have no relationship with him. I'm not suggesting this means that you should shop or cook rather than him. If you only saw your own parents once a year I imagine you wouldn't mind hosting them a meal?

nuxe1984 · 14/10/2019 18:08

Does he normally come to you or is this the first year with the ds?

And what have you done previously? Gone to your parents or your MIL?

I would carry on doing the same (assuming you want to).

strawberry2017 · 14/10/2019 18:11

Say we are happy to see you but we will only be cooking a big dinner on Xmas day. So rude to expect you to cook another dinner just for them
X

EggysMom · 14/10/2019 18:12

"You're welcome to come over on X or Y date for lunch and to give DS his Christmas gifts". Dates to suit you, obviously, but clearly making no commitments other than feeding something.

manicmij · 14/10/2019 18:14

Tell him Christmas is cancelled as far as hosting is concerned.

Commonwasher · 14/10/2019 18:21

It would be kind to invite him over at some point near Christmas. He clearly values his grandchild. Texts do not always convey very well the sentiment behind them - they sound v blunt. It doesn’t seem like he actually expects you to cook him a turkey on actual Christmas Day. Surely chilli in jackets or pizzas, garlic bread and salad with a ready made pud would not be expensive or time consuming and it would oil the wheels of goodwill.

pinkpantherpink · 14/10/2019 18:30

Tell him, same as last year and every other year.

If you're willing to have them over tell them what you can do... Tea or what have you. You are under NO obligation.

Would meeting at a convenient place for a lunch work if you don't want to have them at yours?

bluebeck · 14/10/2019 18:31

I am struggling to understand this to be honest.

Surely you just text back saying what date you are happy to host them but state that you won't be cooking Christmas dinner again, it will be XYZ (turkey sandwiches)

If you don't want them at all, just say you are all booked up but can visit them on a, b, c dates

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2019 18:46

Yes your FIL is a cheeky fucker but so is your DH and I think you know it.

Plenty of adults with dyspraxia shop, cook and clean.

Especially if they don't have someone doing all that 'wife work' for them.

His dad is a cheeky fucker, your husband is a cheeky fucker and now you have a son.

Please think about breaking the cycle before you add another generation of cheeky fucker males to the tally.

1Wildheartsease · 14/10/2019 18:58

Christmas dinner is for Christmas day. (Who wants to have a separate one with each of their different families?)

If you are happy to host - then invite for the kind of meal you are happy to provide. (Tea and mince-pies - breakfast - Soup lunch - takeaway supper...)

Do you want to see them? Does your DH?

3timeslucky · 14/10/2019 18:59

"We're doing Christmas dinner on Christmas day and I know you have plans anyway. We could drop over (insert day/time or range of days that suits you) if you like?" Or if you're feeling super generous you could add "Or if you feel like coffee and a mince pie on x date that would work for us too".

He's not being a bit cheeky. He is being super cheeky.

btw, my ds is dyspraxic and one of the things the OT used to do with him was cooking. Both the motor skills aspect and the organisational elements of following a recipe were considered good therapeutic tools.

Honeyroar · 14/10/2019 19:12

I'd reply "I take it you're having Xmas dinner at home with stepmum's family and we're not invited? If we're not invited then we're having our Xmas dinner at home on Xmas day, we're at MIL's on Boxing Day (although you could pop over for bacon butties with us in the morning if you want) , or we can do something v simple on the 27th if you want to come over? But we're not doing another full Xmas dinner!" That way you're being blunt but polite (and nicer than him!)

DarlingNikita · 14/10/2019 19:18

they expect us to cook a second full Christmas dinner on a different day just for them.

To quote Bernard Black, they can expect away, can't they?

Your DH should send this:
'We're not doing a second Xmas dinner, but let's meet up to do something else at some point –mince pies at yours? Hot chocolate at the park cafe? Whatever you like really.'

Swipe left for the next trending thread