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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fil is being a bit cheeky?

175 replies

LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas · 13/10/2019 14:08

Fil has just texted dh "what day will we (him and step mil) be having Christmas Dinner at your house". Bit of background - Fil has not really been interested in us until we had our ds. He would see dh once or twice a year for a few hours. Since he divorced DH's mum when dh was a child he hasn't done much for dh. I have never been invited to his house in the 11 years I have been with dh. AIBU to think fil is being cheeky and if he wants Christmas Dinner with us he can host?
No doubt will get suggestions that dh cook but dh can't cook well and would struggle with the shopping, preparing and cooking a Christmas dinner. When he was at university he made himself frozen food and ready meals or at best pasta with a jar of sauce poured on top or a plain omelette. So I would end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning. And a fancy Christmas Dinner from Marks and Spencer where you just pop it in the oven is a bit too expensive since we have so many Christmas presents and birthday presents to buy (6 birthdays in November and December).

OP posts:
Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 13/10/2019 15:40

Reading your posts - Fil is being exceptionally cheeky! Really hope you and DH don't enable/entertain this. Wouldn't be quite so bad if he and his wife weren't hosting her family on Christmas Day.
Out of interest, what about DH's mother - she's not been mentioned?

cjpark · 13/10/2019 15:45

I would just text back ' We will be having Christmas at home just the 3 of us this year - would be lovely to see you over the Christmas period'
No issue. if he wants to see grandkids he can let you know and you can make him a sandwich or dig out the cold turkey.

CaptainButtock · 13/10/2019 15:52

‘You know we’re vegan now, right?’

RandomMess · 13/10/2019 15:55

You reply is simple!

"We are only hosting Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day, x y and z are already coming but we could squeeze you in and SMIL id you wish to join us"

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 13/10/2019 15:59

He sounds appalling. I would definitely point out that since you and DH have never been invited to theirs for Xmas dinner in 11 years, it is quite cheeky to assume you will be inviting them!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 13/10/2019 16:00

Just text back "Anytime you like". We are away over Christmas 🙂"

Mephisto · 13/10/2019 16:04

Have they ever had your Christmas Dinner, OP? Sounds like they know you’re a good cook!

Please let us know when DH replies and also FIL’s response!

Jaxhog · 13/10/2019 16:15

Just reply 'we're having Christmas dinner on Christmas day!!''

Derbee · 13/10/2019 16:29

I’d reply with something along the lines of “haha, we won’t be cooking multiple Christmas Dinners! But maybe come for dinner on X date? Would be lovely to see you”

Thatnovembernight · 13/10/2019 16:31

I’d reply that I only have Christmas dinner on Christmas Day but am happy to meet up for a mince pie and catch up on another day over the festive period.

Agedtoperfection · 13/10/2019 16:38

I would just say, "What are you talking about? You always have dinner with X, Y and Z and never invite us. We're having dinner on our own - hope to see you some time over the holidays."
Just say this

Original poster
LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas · 13/10/2019 16:54

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey mil has invited us and DH's siblings on boxing day

OP posts:
Drabarni · 13/10/2019 16:56

Fil aside I can't believe you are so glib about a man not being able to cook.
I can't get over the low bar people settle to on here.
If I used to meet a man like this, I'd say, I can't cook either, we'll starve shall we.

managedmis · 13/10/2019 17:02

ill be the one that ends up doing most if not all of the cooking

^
This is why we are NOT hosting this year. For 14 people BTW. Everyone offers to help, but instead ends up shit faced off white wine in the living room whilst I slave away

Fuck dat shit

Bouffalant · 13/10/2019 17:10

Cheeky cunt.

I'd reply with a very confused "I'm sorry? I'm confused, has something been arranged that I didn't know about?"

billy1966 · 13/10/2019 17:11

Reply, " FIL, are you a bit confused?,
there's only one Christmas meal cooked in this house, and it's on Christmas day".

Ponoka7 · 13/10/2019 17:17

, Drabarni*, the OPs DH struggles, because of dyspraxia. If she is happy to support him, then that’s their business.

OP, is your DS going to have a relationship or not with his Grandfather? If so how are you going to facilitate this?

Children don't want to be caught up in point scoring etc.

Decide on what route you want your meet up to happen and put it to FIL.

There's no need for drama.

Your DS, as he grows, is going to want to see him, as children do, with close relatives, over Christmas etc. So just decide with your DH how this is going to be handled.

Or your DS is going to end up damaged by the game playing.

millimollimandi · 13/10/2019 17:18

I would just say, "What are you talking about? You always have dinner with X, Y and Z and never invite us. We're having dinner on our own - hope to see you some time over the holidays."

^This

Rock4please · 13/10/2019 17:21

This isn't about Christmas dinner, is it? It's about anger and resentment that FIL was a poor father to DH and your desire to punish him.

It sounds as though FIL wants to be reconciled and to be a better grandfather than he was a father. Maybe he has learnt from his past mistakes.

You don't need to cook a full meal, just extend a bit of human kindness and forgiveness - maybe invite him round for a casual meal, such as pasta, or whatever you are having anyway - and look forwards not backwards. Isn't that what the Christmas message is truly about?

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 13/10/2019 17:23

‘Hi, we’ll see you on Boxing Day as usual.’

Your dh should feel no obligation to this man. Xmas dinner is pricey, who in their right mind would cook a second for a crap dad like you fil?

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 13/10/2019 17:24

Mis read!

‘We have plans.’

Or, send nothing. Just ignore!

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 13/10/2019 17:26

I don’t understand some of these responses. If fil wants to be reconciled the. HE needs to do the leg work. Not suddenly turn around and say ‘ok I’ll grace you with my presence’.

Drabarni · 13/10/2019 17:28

, Drabarni, the OPs DH struggles, because of dyspraxia. If she is happy to support him, then that’s their business.*

Of course it's their business and the OP is happy to do it.
I just find it sad that some men just make out they are useless so don't have to do it.
It is a pain being dyspraxic, my family have to starve when dh isn't here to do it. Grin

OP, tell your fil it's the same as every year, he's eating with his wife side of family on xmas day and you/dh are eating with your family.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 13/10/2019 17:32

"Hahahaha good one. Tell you what, we'll host when the UK becomes carbon neutral."

Also don't forget to invite yourselves to his for a traditional Easter dinner with all the trimmings.

Windydaysuponus · 13/10/2019 17:34

Tell him it will be a vegan lunch.....