To think fil is being a bit cheeky?

[LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas]

Fil has just texted dh "what day will we (him and step mil) be having Christmas Dinner at your house". Bit of background - Fil has not really been interested in us until we had our ds. He would see dh once or twice a year for a few hours. Since he divorced DH's mum when dh was a child he hasn't done much for dh. I have never been invited to his house in the 11 years I have been with dh. AIBU to think fil is being cheeky and if he wants Christmas Dinner with us he can host?
No doubt will get suggestions that dh cook but dh can't cook well and would struggle with the shopping, preparing and cooking a Christmas dinner. When he was at university he made himself frozen food and ready meals or at best pasta with a jar of sauce poured on top or a plain omelette. So I would end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning. And a fancy Christmas Dinner from Marks and Spencer where you just pop it in the oven is a bit too expensive since we have so many Christmas presents and birthday presents to buy (6 birthdays in November and December).

I’m sorry for your DH. It’s shitty that his father’s only started paying attention because of your DS.

Tell him he's welcome to take you for a pub lunch near you on 15th Dec.

I am not sure why you are replying. What does dh want after all it’s his dad ( crap one or not )

Your DH should just say no, you aren’t hosting ever, as he has never hosted him. Shitty parents don’t get grandparent rights

Starlight456 ill be the one that ends up doing most if not all of the cooking

ill be the one that ends up doing most if not all of the cooking

So then you tell your FIL NO, we're not hosting Christmas dinner this year.

Yanbu about fil

However your DH can cook. Anyone can cook it’s just following instructions and he can certainly shop!

Surely he is only trying to arrange a date when he will see you over the Christmas period, he's not actually trying to gatecrash your Christmas Day? I get that you are cross he isn't particularly interested in your DH, and only your DS, but I think/hope I would be glad for DS that his grandad wanted to see him. Just fix a date and cook whatever you would be having that day anyway, not a special fancy meal, or traditional Christmas dinner.

Just reply 'I think it's your turn this year FiL isn't it?'

Could you invite him for Christmas Eve dinner start new traditions and see if he keeps the effort up

Why have you enabled your DH's laziness OP? I think that needs addressing. Even people who haven't had a uni education can learn to cook and shop, and, you know, ADULT.

Having a penis is no hindrance either.

“Its very kind of you to offer to come to us but it’s really not necessary. We’re not planning on hosting a Christmas lunch. If you’d like to see us, we’re happy to come to you. Just let us know when work suit.”

I don't want to be to outing but dh has a bit of disability that effects his co-ordination. It effects his ability to cook, use tools for DIY and driving.

If your DH wants him to come then he can invite him. He can cook and he can clean up. I don't understand why you would have to do all the cooking and cleaning.

Regardless of fil you need to get DH in the kitchen learning. A Sunday dinner is so stupidly easy that he can't go wrong

Don't enable either one of these menchildren, your FIL or your lazy husband who 'can't' cook.

Good response from GetOff.

Tell them you won't be doing a second Christmas dinner, but if they wish to you'd be more than happy to attend.

I don't understand why he has the expectation. That texts looks to me like your husband has invited them. So he's just clarifying the day. And your husband doesn't wish to admit it.

Also Fil obviously knows about this disability.

That was a cross post but still, you said he can cook frozen food, pasta and omelettes.

So he can put a ready to cook crown in the oven, make gravy and paxo and whack some frozen spuds in. Frozen veg on the hob and he's good to go. You can plate up if needs be.

Lions, he's dyspraxic. My H is, too, he still learned to cook and shop. There are apps now to help with the latter especially. I have a blind friend who cooks.

Just tell your FIL you're not hosting this year but you're happy to meet up somewhere over the holidays. He's a CFer.

I would say that you are cooking Christmas dinner on Christmas Day and assumed they were hosting themselves on that day? If they were hoping to come another day then say they are most welcome but it will just be snacks and nibbles.

"We're only hosting Christmas dinner on Christmas Day. We know you're usually busy then, but we're happy to come over a different day if you'd like to see us in the Christmas period".

Hi FIL, not sure where you got the idea that we’re hosting dinner over the Christmas period, that won’t work for us. We could meet halfway for a coffee on Date for a couple of hours if that suits.

Obviously you don’t have to offer the alternative coffee arrangement-it’s up to you if you feel it would be the spoonful of sugar to get the message across.

It’s nice for families to be together and make an effort to forge better relations, especially if there’s been a troubled past. Season of goodwill and all that? Invite them and be nice. It’s one meal. You don’t have to do the works. Just say you’ll be having a festive supper on Boxing Night and you’d love them to join you. Then do pork pie, mince pies, turkey sandwiches, Christmas cake and open a bottle of wine.

Hosting doesn’t have to be a big fanfare.

Of course, if there’s bad blood and you are filled with resentment, then that can be hard to get over.

timshelthechoice yes it's dyspraxia. He struggles with cooking, and diy especially. He has bad fine motor skills and can be quite clumsy. He can shop but he would end up buying the more expensive options and pick the first thing he sees etc. Any recommendations for apps?