Would you prefer to live alone?

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If you had the financial flexibility to do so, and if you didn't have the emotional pressure to live with your partner, would you prefer to live alone?
Inspired by the article: www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/oct/13/you-dont-have-to-settle-the-joy-of-living-and-dying-alone

My answer is yes.

I’m telling you that you keep saying you love living alone. You don’t, someone else is on your home.

My motivation is to point out the downsides, really, no more than that.

In, not on.

No, I almost do just now and I think I would prefer it not to be this but its not really suitable at the moment. I live with DS (7) although he goes to his dads three days a week and spends a few weeks out the year away on holidays. I do have a boyfriend but we don’t live together, I generally spend the time DS is away with him.

If my boyfriend is busy/away I can get a bit lonely especially weekend evenings or when DS is also away. Sometimes I love having time to myself and sometimes I loath it. For example, I’ve just dropped DS off for a weeks caravan holiday without me. I was supposed to spend this time with my boyfriend but something has come up on his end (very genuine) which means this might not be an option, certainly not tonight anyway. I’ve just pulled up outside my house after getting dinner for one and feel a bit sad and lonely! I’m sort of dreading the rest of the week now.

You aren’t telling me that people date, move in with a partner and have children all along thinking that what they really want is for them all to live next door or something

Of course not! But it's entirely possible to think that is what you want, but only when you are in the middle of it realise it isn't for you. Ask me how I know

I’m telling you that you keep saying you love living alone. You don’t, someone else is on your home

And as I said in a few years I will be living alone. The plan is to move at the point to a much more remote location. I work alone from home so am perfectly happy for lengthy periods of time in my own company.

There will be no downsides. I appreciate you don’t understand that. I appreciate they may be downsides for you: everyone is different.

Absolutely. I live on my own (well with young dc) for 8 years and loved it. Then my now dh moved in. I love him dearly but do find myself missing the freedom of single life. If anything happened to dh and we were no longer together, then I would never live with another man again.

Then I’m sorry to hear that, shetland, that is very sad.

sounds horrendous kazza446 but it's not too late.

If nothing else, you can start building your financial situation. If you are old enough to have your own kids, you don't need to listen to your parents you know.

I live with my older teen DC, I'm much happier being just me and them than being with a partner. When they move out, I will miss them, but I'm equally looking forward to the prospect of living alone (with my dog!) I can't imagine ever living with a man again. I like to come and go as I please without having to consider anyone else. I've got plenty of hobbies and interests so I'm always busy.

I love having time to myself but as a contrast to all the people in the house. I prefer it that way to the other way round.

So Monday mornings are nice after a full weekend.

I love him dearly but do find myself missing the freedom of single life.

I honestly don't understand that. How can you lose freedom just because you move in with another adult?

Yes, the polite thing to do is let them know if you are going home late, or going away for the weekend, but it's hardly a loss of freedom is it.
I guess you need to compromise about the decor if you are really that bothered about the colour of your curtains, but is that such a hardship compared to all the pluses of living with someone you love?

Then I’m sorry to hear that, shetland, that is very sad

Its really not. I have two amazing children (they are literally the only people I would still be happy to live with, if for any reason they needed somewhere to stay). I wouldn't change any of my life, because all of it lead me to where I am now. If I left my ex sooner, so many things would not have happened. Had I never lived with him or had children with him I would have missed out on the two most important relationships of my life. There is nothing sad about how my life is and I would do it all again if I had to.

No, I would hate not to live with my DH. I lived on my own v happily and I was financially secure before I met him, but I love being around him now, he is such good company and I would be lonely without him (despite loving my own company before I met him and never feeling lonely). I love coming through the door to see his big smile. He is very tidy and good around the home which helps ! I could not live with a messy / unhygienic guy.

I've always lived alone and I think I would find it hard to live with someone else now. Went to uni and then lived alone so 14/15 years now

Ah, so you don’t actually want your children to move out, then? I misunderstood when you said you wanted to live alone

Is that question to me? I've lived alone for three years, as I said

If my kids needed a place to stay, of course they would have a place with me. But I would prefer them to have their own lives and own homes (as they have for the last three years).

water I can understand that but again (sorry to split hairs!) imagine that for a moment: something has happened to your OH, you wouldn’t actually be happy about that, would you?

Highwater, no, I wouldn’t be happy about being bereaved or separated, obviously, those are life events that have a profound effect on people.

I honestly don’t believe that I would be sad about living alone, even though I imagine I would be sad about the events that had led to that situation.

@ThatMuppetShow "How can you lose freedom just because you move in with another adult?"

I don't understand how you don't understand that. It's self explanatory isn't it? You lose the freedom of living alone.

I live on my own with my dogs and cats in a farm cottage, about quarter of a mile from the village, with the farmhouse over the road and across a field as my nearest neighbour. I love it though I sometimes dream about someone to share bills with.

I'm very much an introvert and work people tire me out enough. I've plenty of friends around the world I keep in touch with online and local friends I see regularly one to own or in small groups for a meal. I very rarely feel lonely and never scared.

A partner who lived nearby would be perfect. I've always liked Helena Bonham Carter's solution of adjoining houses with an internal door. When I was in the reserves and there was a naval base nearby, it was a perfect solution - boyfriends would be off to sea and writing soppy letters when their presence got tiring! 😂

I enjoyed living alone (for about 10yrs before me and DH met and got a place together)

It's nowhere near as lonely as living with people that don't give a shit about you.

I think my ideal would be for me and my DH to live next door to each other.

highwindows. Why can’t you just accept that some people, me included, are telling the truth when they say they are perfectly happy living alone and would in no way want to change that? You don’t have to understand it, but just accept it. You keep trying to get people to justify their reasons simply because their reality is beyond your comprehension.

What I’m trying to say here is that a bit like the spending Christmas alone issue which raises its head you inevitably get people piping up that they’d LOVE to spend Christmas alone, just imagine, no fuss or bother at al, no stress! Just you, a bath, lovely food, films. But actually like Home Alone, think what that actually means

Sheer bliss. No more screaming rows, no more walking on eggshells, no more clearing dishes so I can cry unobserved in the kitchen, no more emotional abuse.

Now I can spend the day as I like. The cats and dogs buy me presents that I love, and friends are generous. I can breakfast on champagne at lunchtime if I want to, spent the day in pyjamas, and stuff my face in a perpetual buffet. Netflix and chill. Heaven.

I do live alone and I love it. Appreciate that it's not everyone's cup of tea though.

I’m about to move out of supported accommodation / refuge to live alone and I’m terrified of it.

I’m not sure I’m going to cope to be honest.

I lived alone for 10 years between early 20s to 30s (before kids came along) and I loved it. But, there were definitely times when I felt that those living with someone else had it easier in terms of help making decisions, listening to you after a crap day at work, fixing things.

I'm old enough now to find the hype of Christmas really tedious and could cope easily with one on my own - I'd help at Crisis or similar. Get some nice food, hopefully meet up with people in the days beforehand. It's other people feeling sorry for you being on your own I'd find burdensome.