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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you prefer to live alone?

187 replies

FloatingObject · 13/10/2019 13:44

If you had the financial flexibility to do so, and if you didn't have the emotional pressure to live with your partner, would you prefer to live alone?
Inspired by the article: www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/oct/13/you-dont-have-to-settle-the-joy-of-living-and-dying-alone

My answer is yes.

OP posts:
waterlego · 13/10/2019 15:11

but if you didn’t have them in your life at all, can you imagine that

No, but I don’t think that’s the same question!

The angle I’m coming from is that If something happened to OH, I would not seek to share a home with anyone (except a couple of dogs) once my children had moved out.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 13/10/2019 15:12

Not everyone who lives alone is lonely - for some of us it's preferable. I've lived alone for nearly 10 years now and I cannot think of a single time I've been lonely. And I don't see it as respite from 'never having a moment's peace' because that wasn't an issue in any of the other places I've lived. Nor do I find it 'relentless' to run a house on my own - I'm a bit baffled by that, to be honest, because other than things like washing up or a very small amount of housework what else is there unless you're Mrs Hinch and want everything to be spotless all of the time? OK, if things need to be fixed that has to be dealt with but that's the exception rather than the rule.

So I absolutely stand by what I said in that I love living alone and wouldn't want it any other way. I've never been lonely or wished that there was someone else here.

waterlego · 13/10/2019 15:12

I’m sorry to read that tilly 💐

formerbabe · 13/10/2019 15:12

No. I’m an introvert and get burned out being around people too much, but in my house we joke that DH doesn’t count as a “person” to me- he never drains my energy like other people (even loved ones) do and I love having him around, even if we do different things in the same room

This is exactly how I feel too.

missbattenburg · 13/10/2019 15:15

I also lived alone for ten years and loved it. I now have family living with me because it helped them to do so. I enjoy it and we all rub along ok (plus there are some benefits for me such as always someone to look after the dog) but I really do miss living alone.

missbattenburg · 13/10/2019 15:16

Ps I am also an introvert and other people wear me out

formerbabe · 13/10/2019 15:18

I don't think living with your DC counts as living alone.

I assumed the op meant alone as on not a single other person.

I've done that... couldn't have been more miserable.

SiliconHeaven · 13/10/2019 15:22

I live alone. Because I’m a widow and my kids have left home.
It’s a bit shit when it’s forced on you

TheWashingMachine · 13/10/2019 15:23

Totally agree highwindowsbluesky I fantasise about living alone, mainly when I have loads of cooking and housework to do. I imagine how blissful it would be to sit on the sofa eat a cheese sandwich and drink a cup of tea in a clean house and not have to fret about laundry and meal planning. Actually I'd be dead lonely, there would probably be no food in the house and I'd be crying into my tea.

Mightygerbil · 13/10/2019 15:24

I’ve lived on my own for the last 11 years after I divorced. I love it and wouldn’t choose anything else. I do whatever I want when I want without having to consider anyone else. If I want cereal for dinner and to go to bed at 7.30 I do. Any mess is mine. I decorate how I like and all decisions regarding finance, lifestyle etc are mine.

I have very little disposable income and can’t afford holidays or many treats but that’s something I am prepared to live with to have the autonomy and peace that I enjoy.

NotTonightJosepheen · 13/10/2019 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquesHammer · 13/10/2019 15:25

No, not quite. But even when my son moves out, I will enjoy having my own space and living apart whilst in a loving and supportive relationship. It just works so well for me

Yes this. Apart from a relationship. That won’t happen either Grin

OctopusNow · 13/10/2019 15:39

Definitely. I loved living alone and if I hadn't wanted a child, I'd have stayed that way.

I find living with DH really hard, I want my own space. I'd live next door if I had the money.

IsadoraQuagmire · 13/10/2019 15:45

I've lived on my own since I moved out of my parents' house and bought my own flat last year. Best thing ever. I've never felt lonely in my life though, I absolutely love my own company and the only time I ever feel bored is when I'm around other people.

Yellredder · 13/10/2019 15:47

Hell yes. I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't designed to live with someone else - other than my child!

Andysbestadventure · 13/10/2019 15:50

Yes. 100x yes

highwindowsbluesky · 13/10/2019 15:51

water I can understand that but again (sorry to split hairs!) imagine that for a moment: something has happened to your OH, you wouldn’t actually be happy about that, would you?

What I’m trying to say here is that a bit like the spending Christmas alone issue which raises its head you inevitably get people piping up that they’d LOVE to spend Christmas alone, just imagine, no fuss or bother at al, no stress! Just you, a bath, lovely food, films. But actually like Home Alone, think what that actually means.

lljkk · 13/10/2019 15:51

Alone sounds nirvana... but... If I had to live alone I'd probably wallow in self-pity about it. Pathetic but true.

highwindowsbluesky · 13/10/2019 15:54

The problem is the things people love about having the house to themselves aren’t even remotely a novelty when you have to do it all the time.

You can watch what you want on TV! You can have a bath! You can eat junk food in your pyjamas!

Well, yes ... and no adult contact whatsoever. That’s the rub.

ThatMuppetShow · 13/10/2019 15:55

Absolutely not.

If I didn't want to live with my DH, I just... wouldn't - it's that easy.

I have lived alone in the past, had a blast, but I would feel very lonely now if I wasn't with DH. If people prefer to be alone, that's a choice, I don't understand when someone comments that they lose their freedom . Living with DH makes my life so much easier!

Kids remove your freedom, as they should, but a partner? Not if s/he's the right one. There are a plus, not a burden.

JacquesHammer · 13/10/2019 15:55

Well, yes ... and no adult contact whatsoever. That’s the rub

That’s the bit some people like!

Pipandmum · 13/10/2019 15:55

Yes. My husband passed away years ago and though my kids still live with me (school age) I’m totally happy living without a partner, and if I did find love again I wouldn’t want to share a space again. I like doing things on my own and while happy to share evenings with my kids and I’ll miss them I certainly am not dreading it! Place will be a heck of a lot tidier for a start...

CleopatraTomato · 13/10/2019 15:56

YES - am desperate to have some privacy

ShetlandWife · 13/10/2019 15:57

What I’m trying to say here is that a bit like the spending Christmas alone issue which raises its head you inevitably get people piping up that they’d LOVE to spend Christmas alone, just imagine, no fuss or bother at al, no stress! Just you, a bath, lovely food, films. But actually like Home Alone, think what that actually means.

It means different things to different people. One of my favourite Christmases as an adult was the one I spent alone.

This thread isn't about finding the one solution that fits all - there isn't one.

ravenshope · 13/10/2019 15:57

I've lived alone by choice for most of the past twenty-five years. I love it.

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