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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at school....

142 replies

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:32

For saying my DD can't be a mummy!
They have obviously been asking what the children want to be when they grow up and my DD, as she has said for the last 2 years, wanted to be a mummy when she grows up. She now randomly tells me while colouring, that the teacher said she can't be a mummy when she grows up, so she's going to be a footballer instead?!? She has never even played football so I doubt that was her own decision. She's only in reception, so not as if she is making huge life choices right now, but I'm still annoyed. When she has said to me she wants to be a mummy, and look after babies, I've said and what are going to do to earn some money, and she has said shop keeper... Likely because I work in a shop. So I have suggested she could be a nursery teacher and look after babies, which she was excited about.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the school, and should I say something? I don't want her thinking she can't, or isn't allowed to be a mummy when she grows up. She is ASD diagnosed by the way so does take things very literally.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 13/10/2019 09:35

I don't suppose it's at all possible that she misinterpreted what she heard?

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 13/10/2019 09:38

Being a Mummy isn’t a job so it didn’t fit the description of the task. Sounds like your child’s teacher is ensuring female stereotypes are challenged!

When my daughter was in reception she wanted to be a rabbit when she grew up. Laudable aim for a four year old but not something which would keep her burrow warm at night.

SweetMarmalade · 13/10/2019 09:40

Please don’t go into school about this. Your DD is in Reception, there is a HUGE probability that this has been interpreted the wrong way.

Pinkflipflop85 · 13/10/2019 09:40

Teacher probably thought she meant a mummy wrapped in bandages.

Little tip for school life....what children report home is not always the whole story and vice versa. Children have told me some right corkers in class about their parents but luckily I know to take it with a pinch of salt!

Original poster

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:43

I get that being a mum isn't a job, and I don't want her to aspire to get pregnant at the first opportunity and live off benefits, however she loves babies and they could have steered her towards a career in childcare, rather than outright say she can't be a mummy. Being a parent is something to aspire to in it's own right, although not a paid job, it has its rewards and I'm sad to her look glum at the prospect her dreams have been shattered.

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 13/10/2019 09:43

Yabu

And reception dc aren't always a reliable source.

SmileCheese · 13/10/2019 09:43

Honestly it sounds like they were talking about jobs and your child's teacher probably explained she could have a job and also be a mummy just like a boy could be a daddy and also have a job so what job would she like to do? She probably heard another child she likes playing with say footballer and said it so she could be like them.

I think its pretty unreasonable to be annoyed and accusing the teacher of saying she couldn't do something when you literally have no idea about the context of the conversation that took place.

pinksquash13 · 13/10/2019 09:43

I'd presume they were discussing career options so wanted a job. Do not go in. As your daughter gets older she will understand that she can be a mummy (and have a job if she wants/needs). I can't imagine the current situation will cause her any sleepless nights.

Fiacla · 13/10/2019 09:44

For a start, I doubt you've got the whole story, and for another, presumably this was in the context of discussing jobs, not whether or not your reception-age child wanted to be a parent.

MarthasGinYard · 13/10/2019 09:45

'however she loves babies and they could have steered her towards a career in childcare'

Christ on a bike listen to yourself

How old is she 4 or 5

I should think 'steering' her to the correct coat peg is more on the agenda right now.

Original poster

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:45

I wouldn't be so bothered, but she seems so sad about it! And I'm all for equality and women baking to do any job a man could do but she has never shown any interest in football in her whole life, and kids are so impressionable, I'm worried she is not being who she wants to be and is conforming to this PC world. I'm going to say anything to school, but I'm still kinda annoyed

OP posts:

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/10/2019 09:47

Don’t be ridiculous.

SmileCheese · 13/10/2019 09:48

'however she loves babies and they could have steered her towards a career in childcare

She's 4 they are not steering her towards a career they were probably having a group chat about jobs. No one is telling her she cant do or be what she wants and no one is making her conform. You're sounding more odd with each post. This is not something you need to worry about or give headspace to.

Original poster

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:49

No need to be so harsh. Like I said she takes things very literally, and has an amazing memory. She clearly isn't making life choices in reception but I don't like the thought of children having to fit into a box and say what they feel they should rather than use their own imagination

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 13/10/2019 09:49

I actually think whilst tbh it really doesn’t matter what they want to be in reception it is unlikely to be their career but actually for girls aspiring to be something is important. Been a mum is fine but as they are talking about a career then a mum doesn’t fit

RolyHappyNorrieTagBetty · 13/10/2019 09:49

I don't think it's got anything to do with being PC and more an innocent discussion about jobs. You seem to be really over thinking this.
If my daughter said she wanted to be a mummy when asked about a job when she's older I'd be more annoyed if the teacher didn't encourage her to think that you can be a parent as well as have a job.

DriftingLeaves · 13/10/2019 09:49

I'd be very worried f that was all my DD aspired to be.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/10/2019 09:49

Of course you shouldn't say anything. Not unless you want the school to make you down as one of those parents that will complain about anything within the first term. Your child is 4, she is not going to have given you an accurate account of what was said.

notacooldad · 13/10/2019 09:49

You are being over dramatic with talking about her dreams being shattered! She's in reception for goodness sake!

I wouldn't dream of saying anything to the school.

Jeschara · 13/10/2019 09:50

I agree with other posters, but do not think Mother is being unreasonable. Her daughter has ASD and takes things literally, a better explanation would have been, we are talking about jobs you want to do. You can still be a Mummy and still work.

I would not go up the school about this button parents evening I would remind teacher that your daughter has ASD and takes things literally.

Alittleodd · 13/10/2019 09:50

Pretty sure the point of equality (not political correctness, which you seem to have confused for it. Political correctness is an entirely different awesome thing which helps people from all sort of marginalised groups avoid daily microaggressions which slowly chip away at their sense of self esteem) is that we are now moving towards a society where little girls are actually free to be who they want.

I would only mention it to the school if you feel like the staffroom is likely to be out of material and you want to give them something new to talk about.

myself2020 · 13/10/2019 09:51

just imagine the outcry if girls would be told being a mum is their career opportunity...
you only know part of the story, just keep telling her that she can be a parent and will have a job when she is older

notacooldad · 13/10/2019 09:51

I'd be very worried f that was all my DD aspired to be
Maybe I would worry too if they were 14, 16,19 or something like that but in reception? 😂😂😂😂

Original poster

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:51

I have no idea how the question was worded, but if it was simply what do you want to be when you grow up, then a mummy should be a perfectly acceptable answer. And in this day and age she can be a mummy and have a job too!

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2019 09:53

“ And I'm all for equality and women baking to do any job a man could do“

I know it’s not the point but I do so love this typo!

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