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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at school....

142 replies

Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:32

For saying my DD can't be a mummy!
They have obviously been asking what the children want to be when they grow up and my DD, as she has said for the last 2 years, wanted to be a mummy when she grows up. She now randomly tells me while colouring, that the teacher said she can't be a mummy when she grows up, so she's going to be a footballer instead?!? She has never even played football so I doubt that was her own decision. She's only in reception, so not as if she is making huge life choices right now, but I'm still annoyed. When she has said to me she wants to be a mummy, and look after babies, I've said and what are going to do to earn some money, and she has said shop keeper... Likely because I work in a shop. So I have suggested she could be a nursery teacher and look after babies, which she was excited about.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the school, and should I say something? I don't want her thinking she can't, or isn't allowed to be a mummy when she grows up. She is ASD diagnosed by the way so does take things very literally.

OP posts:
SmileCheese · 13/10/2019 09:53

a better explanation would have been, we are talking about jobs you want to do. You can still be a Mummy and still work.

But how do we know that's not exactly what was said?

No one is forcing the OP's daughter to fit inside a box or not use her imagination, its perfectly reasonable to think she came up with footballer all by herself. For all we know she was probably playing with a ball outside with other children just before the conversation and it was fresh in her mind.

Nomorepies · 13/10/2019 09:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

KUGA · 13/10/2019 09:54

Being a mom isnt a job its a lifestyle,that lasts forever.
I wouldn`t say anything tbh.
Your dd will change her mind on a regular basis as to what she wants to do.

StealthPolarBear · 13/10/2019 09:55

I was just coming on the say the same thing. Excellent dismissal of feminism loosely dressed up as support.

Original poster
Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:55

Thank you @Jeschara I think you actually get my point. She is not your average child, she is different and an individual in her own right, and perhaps needs a bit more of an explanation rather than being shut down and told her answer is wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 09:57

😂sorry for typo! Multitasking here, DD wants to do painting......trying to cover everything I can!

OP posts:
SmileCheese · 13/10/2019 09:58

she is different and an individual in her own right

So is every child in the class.

perhaps needs a bit more of an explanation rather than being shut down and told her answer is wrong!

But again you don't know she was told her answer was wrong. You are presuming that is what happened but the likelihood of her being told that is vanishingly small. It is much more likely she was told she could do both, be a mum and have a job so what job would she like.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/10/2019 10:02

Reception teachers will have about 844,837,488,238,694 questions every day with 30 x 5-year-olds. Every parent thinks their child is unique and special and different. Ideally of course everything would be exactly pitched and explained for each of the thirty individual and unique children. This nano-second of interaction is really not worth obsessing over. Just tell her she can be a mummy and have another job. That’s it. End of story. Looking for signs she feels sad and wondering if you should discuss it with the teacher is fuelling everything. It’s really a bit potty.

SprinkleDash · 13/10/2019 10:03

@DriftingLeaves I'd be very worried if that was all my DD aspired to be

Me too!!! Confused

lazylinguist · 13/10/2019 10:03

Oh fgs. The teacher probably said 'What job do you want to do when you grow up?', and therefore when your dd said 'a mummy', the teacher encouraged her to think of an actual job. That is not 'telling her she can't be a mummy'. Asking little children what they want to do in life isn't career advice. It's just a way of exploring the topic of what jobs people do and what kinds of activities the children like. You shouldn't be wanting her to steer your dd towards a job in anything, childcare or otherwise.Hmm

In any case, even secondary school kids can be very unreliable when reporting what exactly happened or was said at school, never mind reception children.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/10/2019 10:03

Plus she’s five! Even at 15 they mix up what they’ve heard and what the context or meaning was.

I wonder what the 5 year olds all say about their parents in school!

weeblefeet · 13/10/2019 10:04

You have no idea of what was actually said
You're being ridiculous

lazylinguist · 13/10/2019 10:05

And definitely what cauliflowersqueeze said.

Pinkflipflop85 · 13/10/2019 10:08

@cauliflowersqueeze

5 year olds share some very interesting anecdotes about their parents when they are at school!

maddiemookins16mum · 13/10/2019 10:08

You’re overthinking this somewhat.

Bouffalant · 13/10/2019 10:09

FFS, she's a small child.

I wanted to be a Ghostbuster when I grew up.

It's a total non issue.

Original poster
Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 10:11

Your right I don't know exactly what was said, and yes she is 4. So an innocent question at this age, they aren't seriously talking about careers, so why does it matter she said a mummy! She told me this last week and I laughed, but today she has started talking about school and the topic came up again and she tells me she wants to be a footballer....I asked if she'd been playing football at school, to which she replied no, the teacher said I couldn't be a mummy so I'm going to be a footballer instead. She may well have come up with footballer herself, the teacher may well have said she can be a mummy too, but what would she do for a job.....however she may not have.
Yes massively overthinking I know, but IF in fact she was told she CAN'T be a mummy and/or was directed to a footballer, I think I'm allowed to be bit annoyed. You should have seen the delight on her face when I said she could be a mummy too.
I know she had a bad week last week as she came out in tears Friday but the teacher didn't know why.
I know I'm probably going over the top analysing everything, but I am struggling massively to help her at the moment. She has stopped eating at school and has cried more this last week, than she ever has. She has ever only really cried when physically hurt, and all of a sudden she's crying as seemingly nothing and can't explain what's wrong all the time. I'm just feeling a bit powerless to help her at the moment

OP posts:
Alittleodd · 13/10/2019 10:13

OP, unless you have a transcript of the conversation you do not know that your daughter was shut down and told she was wrong.

My son is in reception and would probably answer "power ranger" if asked. I would hope that his teacher would tell him power ranger isn't a job (it's a galactic responsibility bestowed on you when you receive an energem/power crystal/dino gem/whatever) and would ask him to choose something else. (After all in this day and age you can be an inexplicably young and hot paleontology professor AND a power ranger).

Palaver1 · 13/10/2019 10:14

No need to be harsh you say but wasn’t that what you wanted..another bash at the educational setting but this time it was switched right back at you.

Alittleodd · 13/10/2019 10:16

It sounds like you're having a tough time OP and I do now regret my flippant post about power rangers (cross posted with you) so I do understand why this molehill seems very mountainous at the moment.

Do you have an IEP in place for her ASD? Perhaps a chat with the SENCO about some strategies she can use. Reception is a tough start for NT kids and even harder for those with SEN. Perhaps there's a local parents group that can give some support.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 13/10/2019 10:20

I think perhaps it’s probably a lost in translation thing op but maybe worth a word with the teacher about your DD taking things literally.

I went on a visit to a primary school recently (not been in one for 20 plus years) and on some of the artwork there was a “what I want to be when I grow up” display.

I’d say about 80% of the girls wanted to be mummies, the majority of the boys wanted to be police men or fire fighters. I was really struck by the difference.

Quite depressing on reflection.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 10:22

Oh dear.

It is parents like you who have made me write my resignation letter. 20 years in and I’m well and truly ‘done’.

ChloeDecker · 13/10/2019 10:26

I'm just feeling a bit powerless to help her at the moment

How? Why is it so hard to explain to your DD that being a mother is not a job and that she can be a mother and have a job?

Juells · 13/10/2019 10:26

I'm sad to her look glum at the prospect her dreams have been shattered.

Her four-year-old dreams have been shattered. Scarred for life.

Original poster
Passthewipes · 13/10/2019 10:26

I was perhaps hoping for more responses from other ASD parents. It's a hypothetical question really as I do not know for sure what was said, however my DD is a parrot and most often strangely accurate.
I have a meeting at school Wednesday and not sure if I should be questioning things like this situation?
I would say if a child wants to be a power ranger, great! What will you do when your not fighting evil? The fact remains being a mother is a possibility when she grows up, unlike a power ranger and she would more than likely be more financially stable as a single parent then trying to become a professional footballer which I find quite funny. However it's not the point I'm making.
Within a few weeks of school she can count syllables of any word you give her, has taught me about bone marrow, has learnt 5 3D shapes and is well on her way to reading. She is a sponge with an exceptional memory and tiny upsets do not get forgotten.
I have to drive the same way to school, the same way to nanny's house etc or it is the end of her world, so I am worried a seemingly innocent conversation about what you want to be when you grow up could equally cause her massive upset, which she is unable to deal with

OP posts:
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