To be annoyed at school....

[Passthewipes]

For saying my DD can't be a mummy!
They have obviously been asking what the children want to be when they grow up and my DD, as she has said for the last 2 years, wanted to be a mummy when she grows up. She now randomly tells me while colouring, that the teacher said she can't be a mummy when she grows up, so she's going to be a footballer instead?!? She has never even played football so I doubt that was her own decision. She's only in reception, so not as if she is making huge life choices right now, but I'm still annoyed. When she has said to me she wants to be a mummy, and look after babies, I've said and what are going to do to earn some money, and she has said shop keeper... Likely because I work in a shop. So I have suggested she could be a nursery teacher and look after babies, which she was excited about.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the school, and should I say something? I don't want her thinking she can't, or isn't allowed to be a mummy when she grows up. She is ASD diagnosed by the way so does take things very literally.

Teacher keep record books at this age and they fill it with this type of information. It’s sweet to look back on.

Move on, and show your daughter how to do this because she’ll come up against other issues where people disagree with her - and that’s ok

I'd be very worried f that was all my DD aspired to be.
She's in reception, not Y11.

I suspect that the teacher had half the class saying that they wanted to be cats and dogs, half the remainder saying that they wanted to do whatever job their parents do, and the rest staring around the room in search of inspiration and saying that they wanted to be a paint pot or a coat hook or whatever they could see.

Reception class is not for the feint-hearted questioner.

I would bet that footballer came from the boys in the class. The teacher may have said ‘I mean what do you want to do for a job like footballer or hairdresser or police officer’

Explain to your DD that of course she can be a mummy when she grows up, and she can have a job at the same time. But you don’t need to go in and say anything to the teacher about it.

I'm worried she is not being who she wants to be and is conforming to this PC world. I'm going to say anything to school, but I'm still kinda annoyed

She’s 4. You’re massively overthinking.
And why would the teacher steer her towards saying ‘footballer’? What would their objective be in doing that? More likely one of the children near her said that and she copied.
FWIW my reception DD says she wants to be a rugby player. She’s never played rugby in her life.

Minority here, YANBU. All some people ever wanted to be a mummy when they grow up. It doesn't pay, granted. But the teacher should of encouraged her to think of a job that pays, not tell her she can't be a mummy. But also she's in reception, the kids are hardly making their career decisions right now! If a 4/5 year old wants to be a mummy/daddy, I don't see how thats wrong. Poor child has probably just copied the answer of someone they like and is confused. They could maybe just talk about different jobs, firefighters and so on. Teacher hasn't approached it properly IMO.

I agree it's a job, just not a paid one, and I would assume they were talking about paid jobs, as if it was just, what do you want to be when you grow up then mummy, Spiderman, taller, a tiger, dancer whatever should be an acceptable answer. What does it matter when she is 4, why make her choose again? Kids grow up fast enough as it is, why they need to think of serious jobs at this age, who knows!
How I would love to be a fly on the wall and make sense of everything she says. Dread to think what she has said about me! Apparently I look tired because of the purple under my eyes! Thanks DD, try sleeping better tonight and hopefully I will sleep better too!
Thank you for your responses, I just want her to be happy at school and at the moment she's struggling, despite an amazing start, she is going downhill daily and I'm trying to figure out why.

I think she probably came up with the footballer idea because one of the other kids said it.

Or less likely, the teacher might've said/meant it as an example just to say girls can be anything they want, not just stereotypically feminine persuits.

It kind of reads like this is an issue for you rather than DD @Passthewipes. DD sounds like she moved on from it pretty quickly.

I expect nursery were just trying to help shape the idea of home and work. They often do this with a home-corner and work related role play. If they let little girls sit and play with dolls talking about being mummies and encouraged the boys to talk about work outside the home, there’d be an outcry. FWIW I have a boy whose only aspiration at 5 is to be a Daddy. He admires his so very much. The school do ask him to think about what work he’d like to do, separate from that. I think that’s absolutely fine, they are teaching about the multiple roles we can all hold.

Teachers simply cannot stop and explain every remark every time a child queries it or gets the wrong end of the stick. Not even when the child has ASC.

Plenty of parents on MN talk about the relentlessness of their own small child's questions and upsets over tiny things. Multiply that by 30. Unless you have actually had experience of dealing with large groups of young children day-in day-out, and not just keeping them happy, well-behaved and entertained, but actually educating them and producing endless proof that you are doing so, then it's probably pretty hard to grasp how hard it is to make allowances for each individual child's specific needs every second of the day.

I’d actually say it was a role or a relationship rather than a job but hey ho!

You can be a mum and have a job, just like you can be a dad and have a job.

@Plasticsequins, The comments wouldn't be any different, whether the DC was ASD or not. Only slight adjustments need be made for a DC diagnosed with ASD. The knowledge is for Teachers and Parents to understand their DCs response to certain situations, not to treat them like lepers, hence their continuence in mainstream schools.

OP do you have a job?

I’d probably email for some context quite honestly. Not in a blaming way, but because you’re sure you’re not getting it from your child

Yes I work. Not a footballer though 😅 I work a few shifts at the supermarket in the evenings when DH is home to look after kids

I haven't read all the responses but one thing that may be worth reminding - its the first term of her first ever year of school and coming up to the half term break - she will be mentally and physically exhausted. The tears, the repeating of select parts of conversations, will all be part of a little girl that just needs to be able to blurt it all out. She might say she isn't tired, or she needs a detailed explanation of things - but in reality all she needs is someone to listen to her, cuddle her and give her downtime at home. Don't add to her mental load by discussing career options at 4!
The only thing I would absolutely pick up on is the food and what often gets missed is drinking. They don't know it but they need that fuel...
Good luck its exhausting with a reception kid particularly this term, add to that the ASD I get that its a lot of mental load on you - try not to overthink it... x

We did this in my class, they are reception too, had a Mummy, superhero, Princess, Batman. When your this age it's the only time you can dream, why take that away from them.

Clearly the school was wanting them to name a career. I doubt they said you can't be a mother, more no pick a job type thing.

I think if you go complaining to the school you'll look deranged.

You can be a mother and have a career too and it's good to motivate our children to be all they can be.

I’m laughing at those posters who think being a mother (or father, I hope) is a job to paraphrase the language used by those posters

The very definition of a job, as a noun, (which is what this teacher was using), is that it is paid. Look it up in the dictionary.

This does not infer that being a mother is not a worthwhile experience and role. Or that every day life is full of ‘little jobs that need doing’, as the verb refers to.

But to claim that being a mother is a Job, is extremely odd and a little rude to the children in question! They are much much more than that.

She has stopped eating at school and has cried more this last week, than she ever has. She has ever only really cried when physically hurt, and all of a sudden she's crying as seemingly nothing and can't explain what's wrong all the time. I'm just feeling a bit powerless to help her at the moment
Aah, I think this is why you're so stressed about the comment. You think she might be struggling because school is trying to change her and she doesn't understand why or how to fit their parameters.
It's great you're having a meeting from the school. If you want to mention the mummy/footballer comment, you could use it as an example of how she takes throwaway comments literally and it may be something similar that's caused her to withdraw/get upset/stop eating. I think it's fine to use it as an insight into DD's processing (but not as an issue to complain about iyswim).
I hope the meeting helps and she settles soon

I could write a book at misconceptions in reception after 40 years as an infant teacher. If you are genuinely concerned ask the teacher about the context ( end of day is best) I’m sure it wouldn’t have been exactly that scenario though.
I had a child once say that they wanted to be a stick when they grew up.

Also it is worth remembering that leading up to half term reception children are getting tired which may explain the other concerns you have.

Just explain that she can be a mummy when she grows up but that mummys have jobs just like you do and that's what the teacher meant.
Fwiw my ds wanted to be a dinosaur at age 5. They ve got great imaginations.

I have taught that year group. They think their teacher needs to know every thought running through their head and ask hundreds of questions.

Sometimes the teacher will have to respond quickly, and be unable to spend as much time as you would at home drilling into the detail and discussing the finer points.

As many pp have said, she will have been asked to think of a job and asked to rethink when she answered 'mummy'. If she looked confused, the teacher will have quickly rattled off half a dozen potential ideas and maybe one of them was 'footballer.'

I'm glad you're not going to mention this at school because you would absolutely single yourself out as a massive dickhead; save yourself for when you have a genuine worry and need to be taken seriously.

And try to remember that every child is unique and special and deserving of the teacher's time and effort. She will be tying herself in knots trying to divide herself 30 different ways to achieve that.

Rest assured your child will not be damaged. She may henceforth fully apply herself to being a footballer, and why not, or she might simply change her mind at some point. The message that 'mummy' is not a job is a good one IMO.

I'm sad to her look glum at the prospect her dreams have been shattered.

She'll forget if you let her forget. This is not anywhere near the same level as someone having real career dreams shattered. If her main ambition in life is still to be a mother when she gets older, it's likely she'll meet her goal one way or another. It's not like she has lost all interest in maths because she was told she'll never be a neuro surgeon.

I'm sure you see your child as exceptional and that's fine. To most others looking on, she's an average child...